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'Talent' returns with new shock-jock judge Stern

Dale Roe
From left, Howard Stern, Nick Cannon, Sharon Osbourne and Howie Mandel bring 'America's Got Talent' back for a seventh season at 7 p.m. today on NBC.

Monday

"How I Met Your Mother" 7 p.m., CBS: It's birth to the future in the Season 7 closer as Lily goes into labor and the show fast-forwards to Barney's wedding.

"Bones" 7 p.m., Fox: Co-star David Boreanaz helms Season 7's conclusion.

"America's Got Talent" 7 p.m., NBC: Tune in to see if new judge Howard Stern collapses society and ruins our youth. (Read our preview, published Saturday in Life & Arts, at austin360.com.)

"Two and a Half Men" 8 p.m., CBS: Season 9 - Ashton Kutcher's best season on the show - wraps up tonight.

"The Bachelorette" 8:30 p.m., ABC: It's former Brad Womack squeeze Emily Maynard's turn to look for love on TV, and why not? It worked so well the first time.

"Mike & Molly" 8:30 p.m., CBS: A season-ending wedding? Looks like the writers stopped at "something old."

"Hawaii Five-0" 9 p.m., CBS: Find out who kicks the coconut in tonight's second season finale.

"Smash" 9 p.m., NBC: The curtain drops on Season 1.

Tuesday

"NCIS" 7 p.m., CBS: The ninth season wraps up with a terrorism scare. I hope it's not an underwater underwear bomb.

"90210" 7 p.m., the CW: Season 4 is over, and these hot bodies can hit the beach for a few months.

"NCIS: Los Angeles" 8 p.m., CBS: Season 3 concludes.

"Private Practice" 9 p.m., ABC: Season 5 ends.

"Fashion Star" 9 p.m., NBC: A first-season winner is named, and I guess the other two remaining contestants get a dressing down.

Wednesday

"Nature" 7 p.m., PBS: Tonight's episode is called "Cracking the Koala Code." I can see why that answer would be a bit fuzzy.

"Suburgatory" 7:30 p.m., ABC: The freshman season concludes with a mother of a celebration.

"Criminal Minds" 8 p.m., CBS: Season 7 says farewell. Unfortunately, so does Paget Brewster.

Thursday

"Missing" 7 p.m., ABC: Will Becca save her son? Season one concludes tonight.

"Community" 7 p.m., NBC: It's a veritable community of "Community!" This is the first of three episodes tonight. The season finale airs at 8:30 p.m.

"Rules of Engagement" 7:30 p.m., CBS: Season 6 concludes.

"Grey's Anatomy" 8 p.m., ABC: A number of key players' contracts are up - including Meredith's and McDreamy's - and creator Shonda Rhimes has promised a shocking death in tonight's eighth season wrap-up.

"Person of Interest" 8 p.m., CBS: The FBI homes in on Reese in the first season finale.

"Scandal" 9 p.m., ABC: A short Season 1 comes to a close.

"The Mentalist" 9 p.m., CBS: It's sort of "Leaving Las Vegas" as the show signs off for the summer.

"Awake" 9 p.m., NBC: Part one of season-ending two-parter finds conspiracies emerging in each of Britten's realities.

Friday

"Shark Tank" 7 p.m., ABC: The third season winds down with pitches for fountain of youth products and recycled tennis shoes.

"Who Do You Think You Are?" 7 p.m., NBC: A search of Paula Deen's bloodline is inconclusive, probably because of all the Crisco.

"Nikita" 7 p.m., the CW: Division's destruction looms in the second season finale.

"Grimm" 8 p.m., NBC: As Season 1 wraps up, bodies continue to pile up in Portland.

"Supernatural" 8 p.m., the CW: Season 7 ends.

Saturday

"MLB Baseball" 6 p.m., Fox: The Rangers take on the Astros in Houston.

"Masterpiece Mystery" 8 p.m., PBS: Tonight's "Sherlock" updates "The Hound of the Baskervilles" with a secret military base and animal experimentation.

Sunday

"Billboard Music Awards" 7 p.m., ABC: "Modern Family's" Phil and Claire, Ty Burrell and Julie Bowen, host. Carrie Underwood, Justin Bieber and others perform.

"The Simpsons" 7 p.m., Fox: Lady Gaga guests on the Season 23 (count 'em!) closer.

"Bob's Burgers" 7:30 p.m., Fox: Season 2 ends.

"Jesse Stone: Benefit of the Doubt" 8 p.m., CBS: Tom Selleck's TV movie hero rumbles with the mob.

"Family Guy" 8 p.m., Fox: Seth McFarlane appears to be aping "The Simpsons" again as mini-episodes close out Season 10.

"Celebrity Apprentice" 8 p.m., NBC: A winner is revealed tonight, but I'm using that term loosely.