Are you ready? Spoilers below for old movies (and yes, the new one is in there.)

“The Fast and the Furious” (2001) — Yeah, it’s the first one, but it’s a also wonderfully street-level crime movie about street racers, hot cars and Vin Diesel becoming a legitimate movie star. No hackers, no weird government stuff, just cops ‘n’ robbers.

“The Fast and the Furious” is still the best

“Fast Five” (2011) – aka The One in Brazil Where an Enormous Bank Vault is Dragged Around Rio, the peak of the second half of the franchise.

“The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift” (2006) — Yeah, I said it. Lucas Black is no Paul Walker (the acting is pretty rough in general) but man alive, are the racing scenes great. Also introduced Han Lue (Sung Kang) aka Han Seoul-Oh (yes, really), whose death in this movie ended up being a sort of fixed point in the series’ continuity, placing the events of this movie after those of no. 6, making this series as baffling as the original “Planet of the Apes.” Nobody likes this one, I dig it.

“Fast & Furious” (2009) and “Fast & Furious 6” (2016) are essentially tied for me. The former is the one that brings the team of Torretto (Vin Diesel) and Brian O’Connor back together and knocks off Letty Ortiz. No. 6 is the one that stone cold brings Letty back from the dead, soap-opera style.  Also, there is a tank.

“Furious 7” Look, this one is fine. It’s fine. It’s fun, there’s a nice (if slightly weird) send off for Paul Walker, who died as the film was being made, and there is a completely excellent building to building car jump.

“2 Fast 2 Furious” I can’t lie, this ranking is a game of inches. I even enjoyed this one. No Vin Diesel was a mistake, but the fact that there was even a third one speaks to the fact that, as dumb as it is, people actually saw it. Also, you are sleeping on “Tokyo Drift.”

And yes, the new one comes in dead last. Here is the full review.