It’s going to get cold again in the Lone Star State. I think. Probably. We’ll see. But even if it stays mild out there, the winter season is more about your mindset deep in the heart o’ Texas.
That means donning your most gay apparel, even if there’s just a light breeze out, which sometimes is the best we can hope for in this state. There likely won’t be many holiday parties this year, due to the coronavirus pandemic — that is both an informed projection and a passive-aggressive exhortation to not make a very poor decision. Still, a garish Christmas sweater goes a long way in brightening your mood this time of year.
And since Texans loves Texas, why not flash a little state pride? The brands are here to help. Thank you, brands.
First up, there’s this year’s edition of the Whataburger Christmas sweater ($42.99). Available in six sizes, it is orange. Obvi. It also features wreaths and trees and is 100% acrylic. From personal experience, that’s not super breathable as far as sweaters go, but we must make sacrifices for our burger fandom. Whataburger also sells matching holiday socks ($12.99) and is still trying to move units for its 2019 Christmas sweater design, now marked down ($32.25). Oh, it is also orange. (shop.whataburger.com)
A cursory search for other Texas brand-themed Christmas sweaters — people call them ugly, but that is an unimaginative take — reveals that Shiner maker Spoetzl Brewery sells two such designs. Their Shiner Holiday Cheer seasonal brew manifests in sweater form with a red, green, white and gold garment that comes in four sizes ($55). Traditionalists might prefer the gold holiday sweater (also $55), emblazoned with the good ol’ Shiner Bock name, little Texas shapes and some cute rams. (shinerstore.com)
God bless the booze brands, who know how to party. Tito’s Handmade Vodka offers a truly jingle bells-to-the-walls stock of "tacky" holiday wear. There’s a sweater ($50), a hoodie ($50), a quarter-zip pullover ($50), three scarf designs ($25-$30) and a couple of knit hats ($25). They’re all various designs of white, blue, black and orange, in escalating levels "ugly." Guys, we talked about this. (store.titosvodka.com)
Are there more kaleidoscopic holiday sweaters with Texas pride out there? Probably, but our search dead-ended there, so we pivot to sweater-adjacent winter gear.
Dairy Queen (not a Lone Star State-based brand, but their marketing is effective enough to convince generations that it’s what they like about Texas) has a "holiday cheer" long-sleeved T-shirt in red, with a sweater-y ice cream cone pattern ($18-$22). (dqredribbon.com/cons)
As far as things that don’t go on your torso, consider the light green Yeti beanie ($19.99), which is a little more reserved in its artistic ambitions but still evocative of festivity. (yeti.com)
And if traditional color schemes are outweighed by your fervent desire to support the bottom line of a commercial airline, Southwest Airlines hawks a flamboyant scarf ($20) and beanie ($18) in its signature colors, which are holiday-adjacent. (swathestore.com)
Back to the sweaters right quick. It’s not an instantly recognizable Texas brand, but it’s a good cause. Austin Parks Foundation has a holiday sweater ($50) and some similarly joyful socks ($16). (shop.austinparks.org)
Or, if none of these suit your fancy: There’s always the thrift store.
MORE FROM AUSTIN360
Blue Genie Art Bazaar opens Friday with pandemic-era shopping options
Watch Austin ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’ concert for free next month