It's been a long school year.
We parents have weathered another nine-month stream of conferences and 504 meetings and soccer games and dentist visits and birthday parties. We've lent a hand with science fair projects and show-and-tells and baking experiments and slime bars and still managed to send our darlings off each day with a lovingly packed homemade lunch. (Actually, my husband handles lunches — love you, boo.)
We've lost sleep worrying about ADHD meds and food allergies and homework and friendships and extracurriculars and may have even lost our temper at said extracurriculars while having a cheer mom moment or two (sorry, Coach).
Most of the time, though, we parents have managed to hold it all together while navigating a daily to-do list that feels longer than Taylor Swift's list of ex-lovers.
But then, just as we were comfortably starting to cruise into the home stretch, May and her end-of-school-year chaos swaggered in to upend our barely-in-balance routines.
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In my house, every year it's like clockwork. The calendar flips to May 1 and things start to fall apart. This year, on May 2, three of my four regularly well-behaved elementary-school-age kids came home with behavior notes in their folders. The fourth came home missing a shoe. Because May.
Why, you may ask, is May such a bossy, take-no-prisoners mistress?
First of all, she keeps a jammed social schedule. End-of-year pool parties, sports banquets, school fundraisers, math pentathlon tournaments — you name it, May's got it. Last weekend was so busy that I never made it to H-E-B. That Slim Jim you see my daughter clutching? We're calling that lunch today.
May also mixes it up with extra fun at school, like themes for each remaining day of the year. After all, if you're not frantically searching Target for a bolo at 11 p.m. the night before Western Day, are you even really parenting?
May also adores fun surprises. What's that, the school nurse is on the line? Our fourth-grader has contracted a rash that's covering her entire face like a dermatological Rorschach test? Perfect! Thanks, May!
Finally, May is a sports enthusiast. Sure, it's tournament time for soccer, baseball and cheer, but swim team is starting, too! Why yes, that's my kid in a Speedo in front of the goal. I couldn't keep up.
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I'm so ready for summer break that I let my son do a report on his favorite toy, Beyblades, and unknowingly attended my daughter's first-grade play with my shirt on inside out. My level of "I can't even" really shines in May.
Teachers, I know you're with me. Sure, your email was technically a reminder that library books are due on Friday, but I think we all caught the undertone: "If I have to ask you for Johnny's library book one more time, I will break into your house and program your TV to play nothing but GoNoodle until his 25th birthday!" Seriously, teachers are superheroes. I don't know how you do it, but I owe you all the caramel frappuccinos in the world.
Speaking of caramel frappuccinos, I can't wait to get one later when I'm back at Target, along with that "Blessed Mom" tank top I saw two days ago when I was shopping for Western Day.
I'll wear it to the pool next month when my good friend June comes calling and I am, indeed, radiating those "Blessed Mom" vibes.
As for May? In the words of the great Ariana Grande: "Thank U, Next."
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