To be honest, a milkshake at a soda fountain sounds so much less exhausting than swiping photos of strangers into the digital void until your thumb develops acutely localized arthritis. The world ain’t a sock hop anymore, though. Most dates start online, and you’ll still have to meet up with potential paramours somewhere. An egg cream probably isn’t going to cut it.
One popular dating site thinks it knows where Austinites are getting their rendezvous on, as well getting other things on. OkCupid, with help from Foursquare, released its first “Daters’ Choice Awards” list Thursday. The gist: the best date spots in a number of categories, as determined by users of the 57,000,000-strong dating pool. The award categories, now ... a couple of those are truly somethin’ else. Case in point: According to the list, the “Best Bathroom for Sex” is at Cheer Up Charlies on Red River Street.
A couple things here. First thing: Texas Penal Code Section 21.07 prohibits public lewdness, defined as knowingly engaging in acts of sexual intercourse, “deviate sexual intercourse,” sexual contact or contact between “the person's mouth or genitals and the anus or genitals of an animal or fowl.” To do any of those things in a public place, or even to be “reckless about whether another is present who will be offended or alarmed,” would be a Class A misdemeanor under Texas law. Second thing: Have those OkCupid voters seen the Cheer Up’s bathrooms? Regardless of whether or not coital activity actually goes on behind the restroom doors, “best” seems a generous word.
For what it’s worth, the bar itself seems to be excited about its new designation:
The list’s second most salacious recommendation would be the “Spot That Gets Sex Started,” which for Austin is apparently Spider House Ballroom. Christmas lights could have a certain aphrodisiac quality, sure, provided you don’t think of Santa Claus or “Stranger Things” instead.
If your pearls are sufficiently safe and tight between your white-knuckled fingers at this point, know that the rest of OkCupid’s list is far less carnal. East Austin cocktail bar Whisler’s nabbed two honors, “Instagram Filtered Bar” and “Boozy Date Spot.” Torchy’s Tacos is the “Dime Saver Destination,” though it might not be the best place to save a dime on tacos in general. The remaining courtship destinations include:
- “Nerdy Pickup Spot”: Pinballz Arcade
- “No-Bro Sports Bar”: Black Sheep Lodge
- “Classic Local Spot”: The Driskill Hotel Bar
- “Well-Hidden Haunt”: Midnight Cowboy
- “Ass-Kicking Locale”: Peter Pan Mini Golf
- “Open-Air Option”: Easy Tiger
- “Intellectual Attraction”: Mozart’s Coffee
If you still want that egg cream, though, Big Top Candy Shop on South Congress can hook you up. Trust.