Some of the LBJ Jaguars football players crawl onto the field for the game against Anderson at Nelson Field Thursday September 8, 2016. Photo by Jay Janner.

Welcome to Scores of the Week, an ancient feature we’ve dusted off for football season. The scores are actual high school football scores from Friday and Saturday, the rest is completely made up. The idea is to poke gentle fun at Texas’ wide array of town and school names — no slight to the hard-working athletes is intended.

The “Oh, Lord, won’t you buy me a field goal” Score of the Week: Weslaco 21, Mercedes 0

The “beer beats happiness” Score of the Week: Frisco Lone Star 62, Lucas Lovejoy 31

The “Celina got socked” Score of the Week: Argyle 43, Celina 14

The “insert your ‘few good men’ quip right here” Score of the Week: CC London 54, Harlingen Marine Military 0

Edna and Bernard had their pre-game meal at Luby’s and showed pictures of the grandchildren to the whole staff: East Bernard 38, Edna 7

Snook watch: Hearne 21, Snook 0

The “reality check” Score of the Week: Jacksboro 21, Paradise 6

The “headline writer’s nightmare” Score of the Week: Barksdale Nueces Canyon 81, Kerrville Our Lady of the Hills 7

Claude sat up and quickly wished he hadn’t. He gingerly touched his aching head. The last thing he remembered was telling that bunch of fellows that, no, 40 miles between towns was uncivilized, and, come to think of it, he didn’t like Tex-Mex either ... Stinnett West Texas 53, Claude 0

The thriller of the week: Santa Anna 58, Robert Lee 57

The rising of the star has been delayed: Valera Panther Creek 59, Rising Star 0

The whomping of the week: Waco Vanguard 70, Waco Parkview Christian 0

The “showing ’em the Ropes didn’t impress ’em much” Score of the Week: O’Donnell 57, Ropesville Ropes 12

The “Exel is having second thoughts about the spreadsheet offense” Score of the Week: Austin NYOS 60, Exel HomeSchool 0