Happy 10/10/10! On this numerically auspicious day (it won't happen again for 100 years, your Twitter friends will tell you!) how could I pass up the chance to rip off er, borrow from one of my favorite television personalities, David Letterman?
It's not a direct theft: Letterman's lists are created in a room full of writers; mine were tapped out solo on a coffeehouse porch while the guy at the next table drove me crazy with his humming and the constant "brrrring!" of his laptop's chat program. And Dave's lists count down from 10 to one (are we square, editors and legal department?).
Here are five top 10 lists. Hop online at www.austin360.com/tvblog and add your own.
Top 10 fall television spoilers1. ‘The Event'? It's an insurance claims adjusters' convention in Des Moines.2. The No. 1 answer in the third survey on next Tuesday's ‘Family Feud' is ‘doughnuts.'3. ‘Glee's' Kenny G episode is just an hour of the cast sleeping.4. Yes, Betty White is doing a cameo on your favorite show.5. Eliminated ‘American Idol' contestants will be forced to watch Jennifer Lopez movies.6. Next week's ‘Deadliest Catch' is only mildly debilitating.7. Rick Sanchez's ‘Rick's List' is now a page of circled help-wanted ads.8. Reality TV is not that real.9. Next carriage dispute? This paper and my column.10. ‘Saturday Night Live' is not as good as it used to be.
Top 10 reasons Texas-set shows are being canceled1. Title ‘My Generation' dredged up bad memories of incident at that one Who concert.2. Umm, have you tasted that beer?3. Rumored appearances by Katy Perry.4. Three words: No Charlie Sheen.5. Viewers thought ‘Lone Star' was based on Bill Pullman's ‘Spaceballs' character.6. Everything's bigger in Texas, except ratings.7. ‘Lone Star' creators forgot to make bigamist swindler character a high-school football hero.8. ‘My Generation' creators forgot to make the ‘jock' character a high-school football hero.9. Lots of stars; not enough dancing.10. Enough of Dallas, Houston, Odessa and Austin ... viewers hungry for series set in Oatmeal.
Top 10 reasons ‘Sesame Street' canceled Katy Perry's appearance with Elmo1. Perry's dangerous sexuality more appropriate for pre-teen viewers who have graduated to Nickelodeon.2. The Count couldn't get past two.3. Kids tend to cry when their popsicles melt.4. ‘Hot and Cold' all hot, no cold.5. Boyfriend Russell Brand's insistence on performing piece from his one-man show about heroin addiction.6. Needed to make room for its more age-appropriate ‘Mad Men' and ‘True Blood' parodies.7. You know PBS ... ‘they're yes then they're no.'8. She kissed a girl ... and parents of toddlers didn't like it.9. Appearance of a pop tart could have violated network's no-advertising rule.10. Wait a minute ... Elmo was in that video?
Top 10 worst infomercial products1. George Foreman's Dental Grill2. Miracle Shiv3. The Chocolate Shake-Weight4. Gravy-ccino5. Debbie Meyer Body Bags6. The Tortillalarm7. The Octo-flex8. The Ralph MariNader9. The Ab User10. Richard Simmons Sweating
Top 10 lines of dialogue from a typical ‘On the Next "Mad Men" ' promo and/or overheard during my last visit to McDonald's1. ‘Oh, it's you again.'2. ‘I'm telling you, it's bad for me.'3. ‘I'm sorry, could you repeat that?'4. ‘Sir, we don't serve alcohol here.'5. ‘You can have the key to the washroom, but it's not only for executives.'6. ‘Do you want fries with that?'7. ‘This isn't what I ordered.'8. ‘Can you break a twenty?'9. ‘I think you've had enough.'10. ‘Be careful, that's hot.'