Think big. That's my motto for this year's Christmas wish list.

No fuzzy sweaters, please. No more sparkling jewels, although I do love wrist and earlobe adornments. No, I'm thinking huge this time — so big that money can't buy most of the stuff on my list.

Which, of course, means it's unattainable, but dreaming is allowed, isn't it?

So here's all I want for Christmas (besides porcelain veneers for my two front teeth):

• David Letterman to host the 2006 Oscars. I realize I might be the only person in America who thought he was funny in '95, but I'm right about this. He really was funny, except for that excruciating "Oprah-Uma" bit.

But that was small potatoes compared with the hilarious skit he did with people auditioning to play his part in the movie "Cabin Boy." Come on, folks. That was totally hilarious. And having an outsider at the helm of the overstuffed Oscars is a breath of fresh air.

• Commercial time in prime time cut from more than 20 minutes an hour to less than 10 minutes an hour, divided into two blocks at the beginning and end of each program. From the amount of e-mail and phone calls received after I wrote a column on this topic Oct. 11, I know you want this, too.

• My cable bill to be lowered — from about $90 to $50 — and frozen there for at least a couple of years. And let's be honest about the price of cable service, people. Even though all those taxes and user fees don't come specifically from the cable company, they're included in the cable bill, so we, the paying customers, have to pay them. Which means a $49.95 cable package advertised with glee by a cable company is really more like $70. A decent digital package, with premium channels and the DVR, is about $100. Hum-bug.

• HBO to be free. Or maybe $1. Why should only rich people get to see "Curb Your Enthusiasm," "Real Sports," "Entourage" and "Rome"? Everybody deserves a seat at the table. And, again, we already pay a bundle for cable. We know cable companies pay extra for HBO, Showtime and other premium channels, but for one measly year, give us HBO for free.

• CNN's Wolf Blitzer to ditch the monotone and stop shouting. Ditto MSNBC's Chris Matthews and Fox's Bill O'Reilly. We are not all hard of hearing, and shouting doesn't make what they're saying more authoritative.

Years ago, some TV consultant somewhere must have told these guys that the louder they bray, the more believable they'll be. But it's just not true, and this Christmas we want the gift of restraint from cable's loudest loudmouths. Please.

• Local furniture and car dealerships never, ever to star in their own commercials. That means you, Chapman Motors, and you, Covert Buick (and Ford and all the other car brands Covert hawks). And especially you, Discount Furniture! Stop throwing fake money at me.

Fork over the extra loot and hire a professional. Business will improve, and we can stop diving for the remote. We make an exception for Marc Katz, who could take his act to Las Vegas if his "Never Kloses" deli ever goes under.

• Local news to stop spinning "news" stories off whatever prime-time entertainment program has just ended.

Everybody does it, especially during sweeps, but Fox (KTBC Channel 7) and CBS (KEYE Channel 42) are especially egregious. Recently KEYE had a "report" on the feasibility of math as a crime-solving tool, pegged, of course, to CBS's Friday night crime drama "Numb3rs."

Look for a gazillion stories pegged to "American Idol" when the Fox hit returns in January.

• FX to change its mind about canceling "Over There." Who cares if it's too painful for some folks to watch? It's a high-quality drama about the war in Iraq and the intimate repercussions of that war back home. It's a meaningful hour of television. Contrary to perception (especially by those who never saw it), "Over There" was prosoldier, not antiwar. Of course any realistic look at young men and women in combat is going to come off as antiwar to some folks, but that was never creator Steven Bochco's intent.

• Ted Koppel to change his mind and come back to "Nightline." ABC News should be ashamed of itself for letting Koppel step down. Even if he's only on three nights a week, that's better than five nights of the handsome new trio. OK, Michael Jackson interviewer Martin Bashir isn't all that cute, but Cynthia McFadden and Terry Moran are — and none of them is qualified to carry Koppel's notebook.

• NBC to show proper respect for "The West Wing" and move it back to Wednesday nights at 8, where it belongs. This is probably the show's final season, so let's send it off with the love and deference it deserves.

dholloway@statesman.com; 445-3608