Next year is going to be different. This is what I've told myself every Friday or Saturday of South by Southwest, when I was trying to find the strength to drag my carcass out of the rack, if only to plop a couple Alka-Seltzers. There was a culinary battle of the Alamo in my belly between the brisket and the quesadillas, and my head was pounding unjoyously, like a drummer at sound check (or Meg White all the time.) As the cobwebs cleared, I went over what I did the previous 24 hours: all the buffet-traipsing, the free booze swilling, the after-hours parties.

The thought of doing it all over again was the only thing that got me out of bed. But sometimes even that didn't work — says the king of the 14-hour disco nap.

A combination of deadline stress and a festive atmosphere, hard work and hard partying, has made for some unhealthy choices in past SXSW campaigns. Believe me, I've paid for every free thing I've slid into my migas-hole.

But this year is going to be different, my pepitos. Welcome to the SXSW music and media and fitness convention, where the indie rock head bob won't be the only exercise I get. I'm going to be burning more calories than Beatle Bob, the dancing loon from ol' St. Lou. At the risk of setting myself up for a Jim Fixx-ian tragic irony ("Newly Health Conscious Rock Critic Collapses In Pilates Class"), I vow to come out of this SXSW in better shape than when it started, and you're welcome to join me.

There are drinking games, you know, like having to take a shot every time Toby says "yeah" on "The West Wing." Let's come up with some fitness games, like every time Robert Randolph, who'll play the Austin Music Hall Friday March 18 does a Jimi Hendrix song, you've gotta run in place for the tune's duration. "Why is everyone doing stomach crunches?" Jay Farrar of Son Volt just addressed the crowd (Saturday March 19 at Stubb's).

Instead of wedging our way through the crowd packed in the back of Yard Dog to almost hear Dogs Die In Hot Cars, Lou Barlow or Willy Mason at Thursday (March 17) afternoon's Schuba's party, wouldn't that time be better spent with a yoga class or a massage or a stroll around Town Lake? Your cell phone isn't the only thing that needs recharging, Boo. Instead of waiting in line for a beer, why not grab a bottled water out of the ice bucket, walk three blocks to Herb Bar (200 W. Mary St.) and buy some Fire Cider? A dropper full in the water is said to support the immune system and elevate energy. A block east, at the corner of South Congress Avenue and Mary Street, is White Crane Herbal Medicine, sort of a Wal-Mart of Chinese remedies, which also offers hourlong massages and acupuncture. They also sell hangover relief herbs called Curin Wan, which I'm guessing is Chinese for "yeah, right." There hasn't been a surefire cure for hangovers on South Congress since Just Guns closed.

All right, healthy campers, let's get started. First you need to go to Run-Tex at 422 W. Riverside Drive to pick up a free map of area greenbelts and hike-and-bike trails. Next stop is Whole Foods Market (Sixth Street and Lamar Boulevard) to stock up on fruit, trail mix and prepared meals. Austin nutritionist Alexa Sparkman recommends food with a high protein content, such as turkey sandwiches and grilled fish, which will increase alertness levels. Anything to get through that "Mastering Engineers Talk Shop" panel Friday afternoon.

You can't find good Mexican food in this country north of Research Boulevard, so it's natural for Yankee out-of-towners to gorge themselves on enchiladas and fajitas. But along with beans and rice, the No. 2 plate includes a side of serotonin, which will make you as lethargic as a SXSW volunteer who's been checking badges for five hours.

Listen, I know the restricted diet is going to be tough. I'm a music critic. I'm as likely to turn down a Bob Dylan interview as a free meal. But if all those gaunt low carb addicts, who look like junkies except that their shirts are tucked in, can eat hamburgers with lettuce buns, we can skip the potato salad and white cream gravy.

Bye-bye, buffet, hello Mr. Natural (1901 E. Cesar Chavez St. and 2414 S. Lamar Blvd.). Another entirely bearable health food restaurant near downtown is Veggie Heaven at 1914 Guadalupe St. They do tofu right.

Water: the other clear liquid

Not being able to get into sold-out venues can be a regal bummer, man, but being turned away can be a silver lining for fitness. When the line's way too long, just keep on walking. Sure to be the most quickly filled — "and we ain't leavin"' — gig of the fest is Friday at the AMH, where Blind Boys Of Alabama and Mavis Staples lead into Randolph.

It's going to be insane on Red River Street during the daylight hours of SXSW, with all three Emo's stages, plus Beerland, Headhunters, Room 710 and Red Eyed Fly hosting free live music from about noon to 6 p.m. each day. Do you really need to hear that much music? Sometimes the duo of Hale & Hearty is the best daytime act, so why not sneak in a workout at Gold's Gym (101 W. Sixth St.), which has a walkup rate of $16.24 per day? The Powerhouse gym, at Fifth Street and Lamar Boulevard, also takes non-members, for $15 a day. The lineup there includes Pilates, Yoga, Spinning and some new alt-country exercise from Australia. Class schedules for this sweat factory can be found online at powerhousegymaustin.com.

Walk-ins at the Yoga Yoga studio (1700 S. Lamar Blvd.) are $15 a class, which is also the rate at Prana Yoga (1115 S. Congress Ave.), two blocks down from the Continental Club.

It can be a drag being indoors on a nice day, especially if you're from Chicago, where 45 degrees is considered balmy this time of year. Rent a canoe or kayak at Zilker Park for $10 an hour, ye Cubs fans, and row, row, row away all those poison thoughts of Steve Bartman. Negativity is just bad cholesterol of the mind.

One of the coolest things about Austin is the public swimming pools. Despite the Statesman's recent front page report that Barton Springs Pool is too cold (a report the Austin Chronicle rushed to discredit), Robert Redford's childhood swimming hole at Zilker Park remains a No. 1 tourist shriveler. I prefer the warmer (and free) Big Stacy Pool at 800 E. Live Oak St., just a few blocks east of the South Congress stroll.

Every once in a while I like to relieve stress and pent-up agression by hitting something white, with dimples. Since Rhett Miller of Old 97's would probably press charges, I plan to spend an afternoon slicing Titleists at the Hancock Golf Course (811 E. 41st St.), a scruffy antidote to snobby country clubs. Green fees are $8.50 on weekdays and $9.50 on weekends. Clubs rent for $8.75 for nine holes.

SXSWXB? Why not do South by Southwest by Bike to get a fresh perspective on a festival that ends up not changing your life as much as you hoped it would (sorta like the George Foreman Grill)? Put your mettle to the pedal and feel the breeze of rejuvenation as you glide from club to club. Laugh at all the scenesters desperately descending on cabs like refugees at an airlift. The Bicycle Sport Shop at 1426 Toomey Road (behind the South Lamar Schlotzsky's) rents two-wheelers for anywhere from $40 a day for pro calibre road bikes to $18 a day for "comfort" bikes.

More tips:

• Work on wind sprints and stop/start agility by trying to cross South Congress between the Continental Club and Jo's Coffee.

• Stay away from the CSE/Charles Attal Presents party at an as yet undisclosed location. This late, late Thursday night party, known as "the Friday Killer," has a strong lineup of Queens Of the Stone Age, with DJ Dip Lo. But just as certain as Ray Benson will have a song called "The Chet Atkins Diet" on his next album, you will hate yourself in the afternoon, when you wake up, if you attend this soiree. Hit the hay early and come fresh to Friday's (March 18) parties a plenty, which kick off with a plethora of Denton bands at Gallery Lombardi (910 W. 3rd St.) Yard Dog will be bursting with the annual Bloodshot Records party, featuring the bands of Jon Langhord, as well as the Meat Purveyors and new signee Scott H. Biram.

• Oh, yeah. Drink lots of water.