Four Austinites go to great lengths to espouse the virtues of facial hair

By Matthew Odam
AMERICAN-STATESMAN STAFF
Saturday, May 23, 2009

You can't swing a Fender Telecaster in this town without hitting a bearded dude. But very few of them can match the glorious hirsuteness of Austin Facial Hair Club members Bryan Nelson, Allen Demling, Brent Nutting and Cory Plump.

Following their entry in local beard and mustache competitions sponsored by Misprint Magazine, the shaggy quartet decided to represent Austin at the World Beard and Moustache Championships in Anchorage, Alaska, today .

Backed by sponsorship from the Mohawk (huge fans of beards and manliness) on Red River Street, the club members have made the trek accompanied by Mohawk owner James Moody and photographer Dave Mead, who will chronicle this shaggy man story to its conclusion.

The group, which is lobbying for financial support via their MySpace and Facebook pages, arrived in Alaska on Tuesday to take in the sights, indulge in some shenanigans, including a beard parade through downtown Anchorage, and prepare to battle for bearded glory.

I tracked these legends down via e-mail to get their thoughts on facial hair.

American-Statesman: What do you love about facial hair?

Bryan Nelson: The freedom and individuality it gives me. And the ability for friends and loved ones to pick me out in a crowd.

Allen Demling: The way it touches me so softly, and never leaves, even when I am rough with it.

Why are some guys so scared of growing a beard and being a real man?

Nelson: I give you a quote from Wikipedia: "There are two kinds of people in this world that go around beardless — boys and women — and I am neither one." — Greek saying

Demling: "We're a generation of men raised by women." — Tyler Durden

Who has the most legendary beard in pop culture?

Nelson: Billy Gibbons followed by Santa Claus. I am a bicycle commuter, and on average of three times a day someone yells at me, "Hey! ZZ Top." Only once has someone yelled "Santa Claus" at me.

Demling: Gimli? I don't know; I'm not very cultured.

The Beard Mount Rushmore ... ZZ Top gets two spots or one?

Nelson: Three

Demling: All of them

Follow up: Frank Beard, traitor to beards or honorary Beard Brother?

Nelson: Frank Beard has a moustache, which includes him in the Club. As a band, ZZ Top has put beards on the map more than anyone else.

Demling: Frank Beard has the important role of telling Billy and Dusty when they have BBQ sauce in their beards. Honorary Beard Brother.

If beards had a theme song what would it be?

Nelson: "Tush," ZZ Top; "Working Man," Rush; or any something by Mike Watt/The Minutemen.

Demling: "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler.

What advice do you have for the poor fellows who just can't grow a beard? Or those that suffer from 'patchiness'?

Nelson: I think that all beards are valid. That is my platform. Every man should grow his beard for a year at least once in this life. Then, and only then, can he assess its worth in this world.

What is the most embarrassing thing that could get caught in your beard or moustache?

Nelson: Nothing that gets caught in a beard or moustache is embarrassing, only inevitable. If you cast a net into the sea, what you bring back is your reward. If you cast no net into the sea, you reap no such reward.

Demling: A titmouse.

In the original 'Star Trek,' the evil Spock from a parallel universe was identical except ... he had a beard. Message?

Nelson: Beards are out of the ordinary. They scare the masses. Wearing a beard reflects that you are an individual, and that is a threat to a conformist society.

Demling: Logically, that shows that our universe (stinks).

Do the Grizzly Adamses look down on groomed beardsmen as poseurs?

Nelson: No. Every beard is valid. A bearded man should not look down upon another man's beard.

Demling: It is hard for me to look down on anything; my beard always gets in the way.