By Matt Thompson

Austin360

July 25, 2004

'City of Heroes' is a superhero MMORPG. We "video game insiders" know that stands for "Massively Multiplayer Online Roleplaying Game."

But what does that really mean?

I've spent pieces of the last couple weeks in Paragon City, the home base for 'City of Heroes,' and I'm here to tell you ... I still have no real idea.

Here's a running diary of my adventures as 360Man, the Early Years:

Atlas Square at sunset.

12:15 p.m.: I've created my character, 360Man, and selected all my various powers and attributes -- read more on 360Man here -- and now they're leading me through a short little tutorial to show me how to fight and use my powers and get missions and blah, blah, blah … yeah, yeah, yeah .. Less yappin,' more scrappin'!

On Patrol!: Atlas Square

12:30 p.m.: I've been in Paragon City proper for all of maybe 45 seconds and already I see a woman getting mugged. With crime rates like these, it's a wonder people live here at all. That said, it's arguably no worse than Washington D.C.

12:32 p.m.: I've defeated the cretins that were attempting to snatch the poor lady's purse. For a second there, I was afraid I'd taken her out as well in a flurry of poison tipped darts I'd aimed at her attackers, but it turns out I can't so much "hurt" the citizenry. To show there're no hard feelings, she stops by and thanks me. Aww, shucks. T'waren't nuthin'.

12:35 p.m.: I head over to the New Hero section of the square, and meet my "contact," Antonio Nash. This guy is more popular than Anna Nicole Smith in a room full of octogenenerial oil tycoons, swamped by heroes clamoring for missions. Nobody appears to be speaking to each other, except one guy who makes a general suggestion to someone that they should perform a certain favor upon their boyfriend. I have no idea who he's talking to, but I'm sure that boyfriend would be grateful if whoever it was took that advice.

12:37 p.m.: I have my first mission: Wiping out a group of bad guys in an abandoned office building downtown. Still, nobody's really spoken to each other yet. I'm wondering when the "multi" part of the "multiplayer" game is gonna kick in.

12:39 p.m.: Running across town … what I wouldn't give for a "360Mobile" … I spot my first out-and-out vulgar player name. (Turns out I read it wrong … it's "Captain Cockroach." Nothing dirty there!)

12:48 p.m.: Mission complete. Nothing to it. Plus, I've moved up a level. Turns out you have to see a special hero to "train" up to your next level. (Thankfully, a guy in the cube next to me has played this game before. He mentions all this stuff is in the manual. Huh. Go figure.)

1:15 p.m.: On my third mission already, and close to third level. Me and my fellow online adventurers have yet to speak to one another (as far as I can tell … perhaps I have the wrong box checked somewhere).

1:17 p.m.: On my way to the mission, I stop at a vacant lot to save another lady from another group of gangsters.

All the women look like this.

1:19 p.m.: I set out from the hospital back to the warehouse where my third mission is. (In this game, when you're defeated, you're rushed to the nearest hospital. In the current case, "nearest" is about half a mile from my target. Which I have to travel by foot.)

1:23 p.m.: This time when I reach the vacant lot, I ignore the red-named bad guys menacing the poor lady. If there were a button for "whistling nonchalantly," I'd push it.

1:24 p.m.: I'm on my way to the hospital again. (Apparently, these guys hold grudges.)

1:25 p.m.: Seeking an alternate route to the warehouse.

1:29 p.m.: Yikes! Spotted. Run away!

1:30 p.m.: Back to the hospital.

1:31 p.m.: Log off in disgust.

Day 2: Atlas City

1:00 p.m.: I'm hoping that taking about 24 hours off has wiped me from the memories of that gang in that vacant lot. Turns out I needn't have worried. The vacant lot is actually vacant today.

1:22 p.m.: After getting wiped out at the warehouse twice, I discover I can run away from the enemy guys as effectively as trying to beat 'em all. I locate the crate (as instructed) and high-tail it out of there. In the process, I rack up some serious experience. And medical bills.

3:05 p.m.: Another day, another group of purse-snatchers put to the icy fist of justice. I've improved to level four already, and now I have a contact, and therefore new missions, in another part of the city -- the dilapidated, Hells Kitchen-y "Kings Row" neighborhood. To get there, I take the monorail (really just an excuse to load the Kings Row map). I sure hope the game picks up, since battling street punks is starting to get a little old. (And the music, frankly, is starting to get to me.)

Hoping for better things in the near future, I log off.

Me and this guy at City Hall. I'm the one not on fire.

10:30 a.m.: I log on just in time to learn they're going to be shutting down my server ("Triumph") in a few minutes for "daily maintenance." Since 360Man more or less only lives on "Triumph," and I have no other characters generated, this means I'm out of luck.

12:55 p.m.: "Triumph" is back up and in business, and I'm eager to get to my new contact, Ron Hughes, for my first Kings Row mission! Sadly, once I meet up with him, he informs me he thinks his missions are too tough for me, to come back when I'm "Level 5." Jerk.

1:03 p.m.: I take the "ride of shame" back to Atlas City on the subway.

On Patrol (Again): Atlas Park

1:15 p.m.: Depression sets in. After the promise of running around a new map, beating up new bad guys, landing back in Atlas City feels majorly anticlimactic. To make matters worse, the server's packed and most of the purse-snatchers are already getting worked over by happier heroes. You gotta hand it to the purse-snatchers of Paragon City, by the way ... they never take a pass on trying to snatch a purse, even when it means a most definite butt-whoopin'. That kind of dedication and work ethic is largely missing from American society these days.

1:55 p.m.: Two bits of good news to pass on ... One is I attained Level 5 (although I'm thinking I might pass on taking jobs from Ron Hughes, just out of spite) ... the second is I have a new power: a lunge attack, where I leap forward and plunge a spike -- projected from my fists -- into my enemy. Apparently there's some poison involved in this somewhere, too. The best part is, because I'm so short (only about three feet tall), when I lunge forward ... well ... I'll leave it to you to figure out where on my enemy's anatomy I'm most likely to strike. This, alone, can keep me entertained for hours.

2:24 p.m.: After deciding that holding a grudge against a mindless non-player character is perhaps a little unreasonable, I'm on the train back to Kings Row.

2:29 p.m.: On my way across the city, I happen across a few cute little robots named "Sprockets." I stop to see what they're up to.

2:31 p.m.: My first visit to the Kings Row hospital. Turns out those Sprocket guys? Not so cute, after all.

3:00 p.m.: This is fun again. New gang members to beat up, new missions ... plus the new hospital, it's like a whole new game.

3:14 p.m.: My first brush with the multi-player aspect of the game. A guy named Megaflame wanders up and asks me to team up. You bet!

3:19 p.m.: I have no idea where Megaflame is. I was following him to this office building, but I bumped up against something and when I got turned around the right way again, he was gone. Checking my "map," I locate him a few hundred yards away. I reach the building, but he apparently got sick of waiting and went on ahead. By the time I catch up, something's already killed him. Vowing a silent revenge, I dedicate the rest of my crime-fighting days to Megaflame's memory. (The map indicates he's respawned at the hospital and is on his way back ... but, really, standing around waiting for him to show up is getting pretty boring. I log off.)

So what have learned so far? Again ... not so much.

Many questions remain unanswered: Will I ever get the hang of Kings Row? Will my player ever get any other powers? Will I ever figure out you can hit the "F" key to automatically follow a teammate?

Continued ...