By Tim Schmelter

Austin360

July 19, 2005

Overview: There comes a moment in every gamer's life when he or she stares at the screen and thinks "I'm gettin' too old for this."

Conker: Live & Reloaded Platform(s): Xbox Company: Microsoft Type/Genre: Action ESRB Rating: M (Mature -- Blood and gore, intense violence, mature humor, sexual themes, strong language, use of drugs and alcohol) • Official Site • Arcade360 Index

I had at least three of those moments playing "Conker: Live & Reloaded," the last first-party title for the Xbox from Microsoft Game Studios. From here on out, it's Xbox360 all the way, and as a farewell gift, MSGS sends us a remake of the Nintendo 64 game "Conker's Bad Fur Day."

I would have preferred they say it with flowers.

It's not that the game is bad. "Conker" is jam-packed with different game play experiences, clever boss fights and updated graphics that take good advantage of the Xbox's technical capabilities.

It's just that one gets tired, after reaching a certain age, of clichéd movie parodies, profanity-spouting hand puppets and giant, opera-singing mounds of, er, poo.

In fact, the game's humor succeeds mostly in spite of itself. After only four years since the release of the original "Conker's Bad Fur Day," instead of feeling retro, it just feels tired. The central story is dumb beyond imagination, but fair enough—this is, after all, a send-up of the platformer genre. But even the game's knowing winks and self-referential asides become wearisome with repetition. "Conker" needs a laugh track, if only to fill the dead spaces where you can all but hear the writers congratulating themselves on their wit.

Despite the lowbrow, often stomach-churning humor, the game plays surprisingly well. The challenging but occasionally tedious single-player game features simple controls and throws Conker the squirrel into situations requiring him to variously run, climb, jump, shoot, drive or swim to his next objective.

The single-player campaign is only half the story, however. Rounding out the package is a multiplayer mode with its own story thread, playable online via Xbox Live or alone with bots. "Conker's" multiplayer mode uses class-based play to add even more variety to an already rich package.

Yes, the remake brings "Conker" to a modern platform, but it's difficult to escape the sensation that "Conker: Live & Reloaded" is out of place in today's gaming market. That's "Conker" in a nutshell: reloaded, but probably redundant.

Modes: Single player, multiplayer split screen, with bots or via Xbox Live.

Game Play: Varied and challenging, "Conker" is more action game than platformer. Running and jumping still take up much of your time, but in between, Conker has to peform tasks like driving a tank, surfing a river of lava and re-enacting the lobby shootout scene from "The Matrix."

Multiplayer games focus yet more on shooting and straight-up action, with team-based games of the "assault" and "capture the flag" varieties. Players choose special classes that have the ability to dish out and take on massive amounts of damage, or fly helicopter-like gunships, or invisibly sneak through enemy lines.

Technical Presentation: "Conker's" updated graphics look great. Environments are colorful and expansive, characters are rendered with dripping, oozing detail and Conker's squirrelly tail looks bushy and clean (inexplicably, even after swimming in an open sewer or river of blood).

The usual platformer camera issues crop up from time to time, but beyond the occasional instance where you simply can't see around Conker's huge, bushy tail, they don't mar the experience too badly.

The game's voice acting either didn't get an update or wasn't considered as important. A handful of voice actors shoulder the task of performing a huge variety of main and incidental characters, but most of them sound suspicously similar. Music is typical platformer fare, featuring odd little tunes or offbeat instruments to remind you what a wacky adventure you're on! Because otherwise you'd forget, see?

Ease of Use: As befits a title originally released on the Nintendo-64, "Conker's" single-player control scheme relies on only two of the Xbox controller's face buttons in addition to the triggers and thumbsticks. The new multiplayer scheme uses all the controller buttons and triggers and is accordingly more difficult to master, especially since different buttons perform different actions depending on what class of character you're playing.

Control scheme aside, "Conker's" single-player game presents a number of surprisingly difficult challenges, especially when the gameplay shifts from traditional platformer fare to timed or racing levels. Be prepared to restart a number of times.

Nice Surprise: Yes, bullet-time has been done in just about every modern game short of "Reader Rabbit," but it is still an awful lot of fun to re-enact "The Matrix" lobby shootout with Conker cartwheeling through the air in slo-mo. It's fun to play, fun to watch and short enough not to overstay its welcome.

Enraging Quirk: Unfortunately, one of the single-player levels is a racing level that requires you to overtake three foes before you can proceed to the next level. If you're a fan of racing games, good on you. If not, be prepared to restat many, many times.

Tip: The game isn't always great at letting you know what needs to be done next. You'll find it necessary to revisit areas multiple times in order to finish all the necessary tasks.

Bottom Line: Although the value of releasing a heavily reliant upon "Alien," "Matrix" and "Terminator" references remains questionable, and the humor remains distinctly juvenile, "Conker: Live & Reloaded" may provide a kick to grown-up gamers who didn't play the original. But if you've already played the Nintendo 64 "Conker," or you don't see the appeal in battling a giant mound of poo, you'll find little reason to reload him.