Ladies and gentlemen ... start your DVRs. Otherwise, there's no way you'll be able to watch the 50 new and returning series that premiere through Sunday and that's just on the broadcast networks. Here's our look at what to watch and what to avoid on television this week:

Monday: "Dancing with the Stars: All-Stars" 7 p.m., ABC: Previous TV hoofers including Bristol Palin and Kirstie Alley return for the 15th season.

"L.A. Complex" 8 p.m., The CW: Season 2 concludes.

Other Monday premieres: "How I Met Your Mother" 7 p.m., CBS; "Partners" 7:30 p.m., CBS; "2 Broke Girls" 8 p.m., CBS; "Mike & Molly" 8:30 p.m., CBS; "Castle" 9 p.m., ABC; "Hawaii Five-0" 9 p.m., CBS

Tuesday:"New Girl" 7 p.m., Fox: Always, I repeat, always watch any episode of any show Parker Posey guests on. In tonight's season premiere, she plays a cocktail waitress with, literally, half a brain. Another new episode airs at 8 p.m.

"Man Fire Food" 9 p.m., Cook: Tom Spaulding of Austin's Live Oak Barbecue is featured tonight.

Other Tuesday premieres: "NCIS" 7 p.m., CBS; "Ben and Kate" 7:30 p.m., Fox; "NCIS: Los Angeles" 8 p.m., CBS; "The Mindy Project" 8:30 p.m., Fox; "Private Practice" 9 p.m., ABC; "Vegas" 9 p.m., CBS; "Tosh.0" 9 p.m., Comedy Central; "Brickleberry" 9:30 p.m., Comedy Central

Wednesday: "Modern Family" 8 p.m., ABC: In tonight's season premiere, Cam and Mitchell are adopting again, but this time it's a cat. Oh, and somebody's expecting. Any guesses?

"Criminal Minds" 8 p.m., CBS: An escaped serial killer roams Texas as the new season begins, stitching his victims' mouths closed. If you're trying to keep a corpse from blabbing, that's crafty, but redundant.

"Key & Peele" 9:30 p.m., Comedy Central: Season 2 kicks off with a spoof on President Obama's college days.

Other Wednesday premieres: "The Middle" 7 p.m., ABC; "Law & Order: SVU" 8 p.m., NBC; "The Neighbors" 8:30 p.m., ABC; "CSI" 9 p.m., CBS; "South Park" 9 p.m., Comedy Central

Thursday:"The Big Bang Theory" 7 p.m., CBS: Season 6 shoots for the stars with Wolowitz (Wolowitz, Wolowitz) in space! (space! space!).

"Louie" 9 p.m., FX: It's not exactly Christmas in July, but blue Louie negotiates New Year's Eve in the Season 3 closer.

Other Thursday premieres: "Last Resort" 7 p.m., ABC; "Two and a Half Men" 7:30 p.m., CBS; "Grey's Anatomy" 8 p.m., ABC; "Person of Interest" 8 p.m., CBS; "Scandal" 9 p.m., ABC; "Elementary" 9 p.m., CBS

Friday: "Kitchen Nightmares" 7 p.m., Fox: Gordon Ramsay returns for a new season, more than ever like Dr. Phil with a foul mouth and a spatula.

"Fringe" 8 p.m., Fox: TV's trippiest sci-fi drama returns for its final season. It's 2036 and Peter and his daughter desperately search for Olivia while helping the rebellion against the Observers.

Other Friday premieres: "CSI: NY" 7 p.m., CBS; "Made in Jersey" 8 p.m., CBS; "Blue Bloods" 9 p.m., CBS; "Dateline" 9 p.m., NBC

Saturday: "48 Hours Mystery" 9 p.m., CBS: The new season premieres tonight.

"Demetri Martin. Standup Comedian" 9 p.m., Comedy Central: In his 2007 special, he was just "Demetri Martin: Person," so I guess he's funnier now.

"Saturday Night Live" 10:30 p.m., NBC: It's only three weeks into the season so, of course, it's time for a repeat. Mick Jagger hosts.

Sunday: "The Simpsons" 7 p.m., Fox: For 24 seasons, it's always been fun when the Springfield gang heads to New York City.

"Dexter" 8 p.m., Showtime: Dexter's sister has a killer problem in tonight's Season 7 opener— she has to deal with the knowledge that her brother is a murderer.

Other Sunday premieres: "60 Minutes" 6 p.m., CBS; "Once Upon a Time" 7 p.m., ABC; "The Amazing Race" 7 p.m., CBS; "Bob's Burgers" 7:30 p.m., Fox; "Revenge" 8 p.m., ABC; "The Good Wife" 8 p.m., CBS; "Family Guy" 8 p.m., Fox; "American Dad" 8:30 p.m., Fox; "666 Park Ave" 9 p.m., ABC; "The Mentalist" 9 p.m., CBS; "Homeland" 9 p.m., Showtime

Contact Dale Roe at 912-5923 Twitter: @djroe