What has an elf, a sailor and a couple of lizards? Give up? It’s December’s comedy calendar. Lots of familiar names take to Austin stages and microphones this month. Take a break from holiday shopping and grab a laugh or two at one of these performances:

David Sedaris’ The Santaland Diaries

Through Dec. 23

Martin Burke returns to the Austin stage as Crumpet the Elf in the 15th edition of Sedaris’ painfully funny experiences as a holiday elf at Macy’s, a yearly Zach Scott tradition. Various dates and times, Zach Scott Theater’s Whisenhunt stage, 1510 Toomey Road. $45. 476-0541, www.zachtheatre.org.

Broken Lizard Standup

Dec. 1

Kevin Heffernan and Steve Lemme of the filmmaking sketch comedy group Broken Lizard (“Club Dread,” “Beerfest”) get all Ritzy, performing standup, joking with the crowd and talking about the group’s film career, including the way police treat them after seeing “Super Troupers.” 8 and 10:45 p.m., Alamo Drafthouse Ritz, 320 E. Sixth Street. $20-$60. 476-1320, www.drafthouse.com.

Joe Rogan

Dec. 1

“Fear Factor” host (and “News Radio” star) Rogan has honed his painfully honest and exuberant standup act over the course of two decades. A headlining road comic, the familiar face has also appeared at Montreal’s Just For Laughs Festival and most of the late-night talkers. 8 p.m., ACL Live, 310 W. 2nd St. $38. 225-7999, www.acl-live.com.

Mike Epps

Dec. 7

Comedian and actor Epps (he was “The Hangover’s” Black Doug) stands up and delivers. The Def Comedy Jam and HBO veteran brings his On the Edge tour to the Paramount for one show. You should check it out — one and a half million Facebook fans can’t be wrong. 7 and 9:30 p.m., Paramount, 713 Congress Ave. $38.50-$54.50. 474-1221, www.austintheatre.org.

Maria Bamford

Dec. 11-12

Late night television. Comedy Central specials. The Comedians of Comedy tour, series and movie. Voice overs. Web series’. A guest shot on “Louie.” Is there anything Ms. Bamford can’t do? Well, there’s that whole finding happiness thing, but that’s just comic fodder for her twisted stand-up. 8 p.m., Cap City Comedy Club, 8120 Research Blvd., No. 100. $17-$21. 467-2333, www.capcitycomedy.com.

Louis C.K.

Dec. 13-14

The hot standup and actor, who just announced that his multiple award-winning FX show, “Louie,” won’t return until 2014, hits the ACL Live stage with a ticket plan as innovative as his act. Tickets (just $45 including all fees) are available exclusively from his own website. “This year, I’m trying something new, building on the fun, success and fan-benefit of selling my content online,” he wrote. “I’ve cut the ticket charges way down and absorbed them into the ticket price. To buy a ticket, you join nothing. Just use your credit card and buy the damn thing.” It’s not the first time the comic has bucked the sales and distribution powers-that-be. C.K. offered his concert film “Live At The Beacon Theatre” on his website for only $5. 6:30 and 10:30 p.m., Dec. 13; 10:30 p.m. Dec. 14, ACL Live, 310 W. 2nd St. $45 (sold out; tickets may be available through secondary markets). 225-7999, www.acl-live.com.

Sinbad

Dec. 14

Admit it — Sinbad is the living “Jingle All the Way” star you’d most like to see perform stand-up (although it is fun to imagine Arnold Schwarzenegger saying “What’s the deal with that?”). A veteran of sitcoms, reality shows and the stand-up mic, Sinbad’s story-based comic stylings once led him to best Dennis Miller on “Star Search.” 7 and 9:30 p.m., One World Theatre, 7701 Bee Cave Rd. $35-$75. 330-9500, www.oneworldtheatre.org.