Grade: D

Verdict: This mayhem in Manhattan with the Olsen twins earns a D for dumb.

Long before Paris and Nicky Hilton became the sister act du jour, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen were sibling media phenoms thanks to the '80s sitcom "Full House." Now, after several straight-to-video releases, the twosome star in this feature film that will probably disappear from theaters, as the title says, in a "New York Minute."

That said, this one is so strictly amateur-hour that it could end up as a camp classic. A microphone boom hangs down from the top of the screen in so many scenes that it seems to be attached to the top of the twins' heads. And the script, which is more sophomoric than its stars, is directed by Dennie Gordon, who also gave us "What a Girl Wants" and seems to be making a career out of straining to find out.

The predictable plot revolves around a device as ancient as "The Patty Duke Show." Twins Ashley and Mary-Kate may look alike and talk alike, but they're as different as night and day. There's Jane (Ashley), a prim and proper scholar heading for a contest where she'll compete for a fellowship from Columbia University in New York; and Roxy (Mary-Kate), a raucous rocker heading for a music video production in hopes of riding a wave to stardom in the Big Apple. From a commuter train on their way to the city, they somehow end up half-naked and chased through Manhattan by Chinese-American DVD pirates.

Double trouble for the twins will mean dreary duty for parents accompanying their 11-year-old girls, who will appreciate it mainly for the cute costume changes and hairstyles the sisters undergo within this seemingly endless New York minute.

The cast includes Eugene Levy as a truant officer out to bust the school-skipping Roxy, blending a rehash of his obsessed oceanographer from "Splash" with an undertone of Humbert Humbert from "Lolita."