MOVIES

A guide to Smithville for Brad, Angelina and even Sean Penn

By Michael Corcoran
AMERICAN-STATESMAN STAFF
Sunday, March 02, 2008

A motto of Smithville, 45 miles east of Austin just off Texas 71, was "the best kept secret in Texas." And then my big mouth and I moved there last year and that slogan became as fitting as calling Lockhart "Vegan's Paradise." All I lack is a button that says "Ask me about Smithville."

I traded Austin, that trendy, starbuzzing "Riviera On the Range," for the simple life of small-town Texas. And then cinematic giant Terrence Malick ("Thin Red Line," "Days of Heaven") came to my street to make "Tree of Life" with Brad Pitt and Sean Penn. With Brad you get Angelina, and with a new baby on the way, you get international media attention. With all these Hollywoodians walking around, I'm wondering when Pangaea is going to open a Smithville location.

Because it's near Austin, Houston, San Antonio and Bryan/College Station, Smithville (pop. 3,901) is tagged "Heart of the Megalopolis," but never has it been so "mega" as it will be for the next three months of filming. "Hope Floats," which filmed here in 1998, is looking like a warmup act.

But this is not a story about star wattage, celeb canoodling or whether or not the newly single Sean Penn is dating Czech model Petra Nemcova. We'll leave that nonsense to the supermarket tabloid parasites. Most folks in Smithville think "canoodle" is something you find in aisle three at the Brookshire Brothers grocery store.

In acknowledgement of today's start of filming on the 1950s period piece, I've taken it upon myself to fill in all these newcomers on what there is to do in and around the Smitty City. Read on, Brad and Angelina, and you just might become Mr. And Mrs. Smithville.

Where can we eat?

There are four things you can get in the Smithville that are better than any place in Austin: barbecue, cheeseburgers, kolaches and hospital food. Zimmenhanzel's Bar-B-Que is not quite up there with the Big Three (Louie Mueller's in Taylor, Kreuz in Lockhart and Cooper's in Llano), but it's better than the Iron Works BBQ, Austin's best.

Sherry's Kitchen, meanwhile, buries the burgers at Hill's Café, considered by some to be Austin's Numero Uno. Because of the influx of vegetarian filmmakers, Sherry has just put in a salad bar.

A hidden gem is Super Donuts, which also serves, for my $1.69, the best jalapeño sausage and cheese kolaches in Texas.

For finer dining, you've got the relaxed and reliable Back Door Café on Main Street and, here's a surprise, the cafeteria of the Smithville Regional Hospital. Chef John Chabot took over the kitchen five years ago, named it Bistro 71, and serves such dishes as Cajun grilled catfish served over a homemade cornbread waffle and topped with a crawfish tasso cream sauce. How's that for scrubs grub? Bistro 71 is also the best place in S'ville for breakfast. One downside: Patients in the hospital think they died and went to heaven.

For sandwiches, there's Mary Catherine's, and for variety and funky "Hope Floats" décor, Pockets Grille is a local fave.

Where can we recreate?

Buescher State Park is only three miles from the center of town. It's great for hiking, fishing, camping and just getting away, as you can have the park almost all to yourself on weekdays. Before I moved here, I used to rent one of the three mini-cabins ($50- $60 a night) whenever I had a big story due the next day and I'd been goofing off all week.

For biking, there's no better place than Rocky Hill Ranch, which offers 25 miles of challenging mountain bike trails.

Just across from the entrance to Bastrop State Park, 13 miles west of Smithville, you can rent a kayak or canoe from Rising Phoenix Adventures. They'll put you in the lazy Colorado River and pick you up six miles later.

Smithville also has a skateboard park, a rec center with a racquetball court and offers the best exercise of all: a walking tour of the historic downtown area, which is lousy with antique stores. Main Street is also where you'll find world-famous paper doll maker Tom Tierney, who's renovating a building at 216 Main St. with his nephew.

What about live music?

That's a good one.

OK, then, where can we wet our whistles?

This is an area where Smithville is lacking. The two clubbing options in town are Charley's, which is sort of a biker karaoke bar, and Huebel's, the dive in "Hope Floats" where Sandy B. drunkenly tells off small-town hypocrites a la "Harper Valley P.T.A."

For a little character to go with your suds, I'd recommend driving about 15 miles south on Texas 95 and dropping in at the Cistern Country Store, an old-fashioned watering hole that serves good barbecue sandwiches and charges $1.50 for most beers. This is a place where everyone's name is their initials. Larry the Cable Guy got his act by leaving a tape recorder running here one night.

Unfortunately, West End Park, one of the last of the "chitlin circuit" clubs, which once hosted the likes of T-Bone Walker, B.B. King and Little Milton, is currently closed at 718 Gazley St. But it's worth a peek inside if the caretaker is around.

Hey, isn't DJ Screw from Smithville?

Right you are, sir. Robert Earl Davis Jr., who invented "screwed and chopped" hip-hop, grew up in Smithville. He died in 2000 and is buried in the Cunningham Cemetery, where Houston rap fans often make pilgrimages to pay their respects.

Why are you being so helpful, you gossip hound?

Hey, that's the old me. We're all just excited to have you come to our town to make a movie (and we'll probably be just as happy, three months later, to see you go.) We'll leave you alone and if any paparazzi jump out of the bushes, well they oughta know that Smitty don't play dat. And the nearest camera repair shop is all the way in Austin.

Are there any day trips you recommend?

Penn could score points by taking Nemcova on a drive through Czech country, neighboring Fayette County, with its spectacular, gothic "painted churches" and century-old dancehalls. This is where the surnames all end in 'k" and there are more sausage makers than lawyers and bankers. My favorite route from Smithville: Get on Texas 71 to the Czech stronghold of La Grange, then take U.S. 77 south. Look for the sign to turn left for Ammansville, which has a wonderfully ornate painted church, unlocked during the day, as most are. It's on Mensik Road, which you'll take south to Piano Bridge Road. After crossing the bridge (named so because it used to sound like a piano when you drove across) you'll soon come to Dubina, and the beautiful St. Cyr's Catholic Church, next to a classic KJT hall. Then I go back over Piano Bridge (reinforced support now makes it Silent Bridge) and turn left at Company Field Road. There's where you'll find the 2S Ranch, with the second largest collection of Clydesdales in the country. Take a right at Holub Road, which will get you back on U.S. 77 to Schulenburg, which is a cool, old German town with the famous Kountry Bakery and the Stanzel Model Aircraft Museum.

From downtown Schulenburg, take U.S. 90, the polka corridor, west to Flatonia, which has an old-fashioned nine-hole golf course ($10 green fees on weekdays) that makes you feel like you're playing with wooden shafts.

You'll take Texas 95 from Flatonia back to Smithville, 26 miles northwest, but there are a couple of stops along the way; the Cistern Country Store and, eight miles from S'ville, another painted church/ Czech dancehall combo in eerily serene Kovar. The whole day trip, with stops a plenty, takes about four hours. Beats sitting 'round the trailer all day.

A slight alteration, continuing on U.S. 77 past Ammansville, will take you to the Swiss Alp Dancehall (and Czech restaurant, open only on weekends) and to St. Mary's Catholic Church in High Hill, perhaps the most impressive painted church, en route to Schulenburg.