'Honeymooners' is far from the greatest

"The Honeymooners" is that rare movie best seen with an audience of bawling infants and squabbling toddlers. You'll be grateful when they drown out the dialogue.

The comedy wannabe has the lamest, most predictable banter of any recent movie. Considering that dialogue is not a top priority of today's moviemakers, that's a highly dubious distinction.

Paramount Pictures 'The Honeymooners' 1 out of 5 stars Director: John Schultz Starring: Cedric the Entertainer, Mike Epps, Gabrielle Union, Regina Hall Run time: 85 minutes Release date: June 10, 2005 Rating: PG-13 for some innuendo and rude humor. See showtimes On the web Official movie site View the trailer    Trailers require Quicktime [an error occurred while processing this directive]

"The Honeymooners" is a needless retread of the classic television series about bickering working-class New Yorkers. Cedric the Entertainer assumes Jackie Gleason's landmark role of bus driver Ralph Kramden, with Mike Epps in the Art Carney role of sewer worker Ed Norton. Gabrielle Union and Regina Hall play their long-suffering spouses, Alice and Trixie.

Even those unfamiliar with the sitcom will sense something is missing. The film's first half has a surplus of exposition, establishing Ralph Kramden as an arrogant airhead with a record of unwise investments, including pet cacti and Y2K survival kits.

Not until the second half does director John Schultz find a vague plotline. Kramden and Norton rescue an abused greyhound mutt and attempt to enter the lovable dog in a New Jersey canine race. If Iggy wins, the reward will enable them to afford the duplex their wives want. But, of course, there's always a catch.

The film's most tolerable scenes rely largely on visual humor, as in a modestly funny montage of Kramden's and Norton's get-rich-quick scams. A scene in which they improvise an entertainment act at a party has some amusing bits.

However, director Schultz has little sense of comic rhythm. Too many scenes end on a flat note, while others continue long beyond their worth.

The cast doesn't help. The name Cedric the Entertainer continues to suggest a serious case of misplaced optimism. Epps tries hard to be lovable. Union's and Hall's characters allow them to be little more than appealing eye candy.

John Leguizamo fares best as a shady dog trainer, who prefers to be called a "greyhound behaviorist." His expressive face and wicked delivery are definitely welcome. But the movie wastes the usually reliable Eric Stoltz as a prissy realtor.

The credits don't reveal how many dogs were used to play Iggy. But he's definitely "The Honeymooners' " dreamboat.