The 30-Day Brain Freeze: My month imbedded with the frostbitten armies of Dessert Storm

Every day of the 30-day sunstroke we called June, I sought relief in random ice creams, frozen yogurts, gelatos and other freezy things cold enough to make your head hurt. Bonus: It's said that our Arctic brethren have 100 words for snow. I'll give you 30 to describe how hot it is. Bonus hot word for July: Helena (as in, "Handbasket, party of one? Your summer is ready.")

DAY 1: AMY'S ICE CREAMS

(1301 S. Congress Ave. 440-7488, www.amysicecreams.com .)

The ice cream: Coffee with Heath bar crush-in ($4.20, small). Amy's is the epicenter of Austin ice cream culture. Coffee toffee makes bittersweet sense, especially if you take yours with cream and sugar and a two-handed countertop crush.

The hot word: Venetian - like the blinds, because the sun bakes between the slats even at 7 p.m.

DAY 2: JIM-JIM'S WATER ICE

(615 E. Sixth St. 708-8285, mobile locations listed at www.jimjimswaterice.com .)

The water ice: Mango and black raspberry ($4, medium). My kids go to Deep Eddy for Jim-Jim's more than for the pool, I think. The cart's not always there, but the Sixth Street storefront's open all week. Black raspberry tastes sweet and vague. With tart mango, it makes a yin-yang swirl of tiny crystals with a hard brain freeze in every spoonful.

The hot word: Blastery - the high-octane version of "blustery."

DAY 3: SANDY'S HAMBURGERS

(603 Barton Springs Road. 478-6322.)

The frozen custard: Vanilla cone dipped in chocolate ($1.89, small). Think of the chocolate shell as armor against the sun. At first bite, when the soft-serve bubbles over your knuckles like a baking-soda volcano, you'll know the armor was just for show.

The hot word: Brimstoned - The droopy red eyes, the Nick Nolte hair. You need ice cream, man.

DAY 4: DOLCE VITA

(4222 Duval St. 323-2686, Facebook page.)

The ice cream: Blackberry sorbet, pistachio gelato and Nutella gelato ($4.28, medium). They minister to the indecisive here with little plastic spoons, surely color-coded so they know how many samples you've had. Blackberry's as deep crimson as frozen pomegranate seeds. Pistachio glows a mellow green. Nutella expresses our European aspirations and embodies Dolce Vita's ministry at the same time: Are we chocolate or just nuts? We can't decide.

The hot word: Sonofusione - Italian ice cream in the heat? Just fuse together the Italian words for "I'm melting."

DAY 5: FROYOYO

(3201 Bee Cave Road. 852-8528, www.froyoyo.com .)

The frozen yogurt: Regular tart, low-cal chocolate, red velvet cake ($4.39 at 42 cents an ounce). The regular old tart yogurt, the foundation of the concept, was frozen only in the sense that it didn't come out as a liquid. Beware the leathery blueberries and waxy chocolate raisins and stick with real foods like almonds and peanuts and Cap'n Crunch. Is it impolite to ask why self-serve yogurt shops have tip jars?

The hot word: Fake-N-Bake - We can't be fooled by a few sprinkles and a little shade.

DAY 6: CASEY'S NEW ORLEANS SNOWBALLS

(808 E. 51st St.)

The snowball: Boston cream pie ($2.50, small). Sure, I could get blue raspberry. Kevin McHorse did, and it turned his teeth X-Men blue. He was there with daughter Megan (cherry), son Tyler (ice cream, and yes that's a flavor) and wife Beth (none for me, thanks). It was their first time here, part of a family day out that included a water slide and a baseball game. Casey's is perfect for that, even if you don't order Boston cream pie, with dark yellow vanilla cream and frothy chocolate over ice so fine it's like Aspen powder.

The hot word: Tripidigital - The adjectival form of 100-plus.

DAY 7: TÈO

(1206 W. 38th St. 451-9555, www.caffeteo.com .)

The gelato: Salted caramel, strawberries-and-cream and chocolate with hazelnuts and ($4.15, medium). White, pink and brown make a classic sundae, but Tèo takes it a step further with chips of salty brittle and veins of caramel, with silky ripples of fruit and cocoa with an Italian pedigree: tartufo al bacio. On Tuesdays, a small gelato is just $2. A buck a scoop.