BOOKS

Sharing a story of loss and renewal

By Jeff Salamon
AMERICAN-STATESMAN STAFF
Tuesday, May 26, 2009

In 1995, Art Daily, a 54-year-old lawyer in Aspen, Colo., experienced one of the worst losses one could imagine. While driving with his family along Interstate 70 in Glenwood Canyon, his car was hit by a boulder that had rolled down the canyon wall. Daily's wife, Kathy, was killed instantly. His young sons, Tanner and Shea, died soon after of their injuries.

What follows is a grueling process of grieving.

But his story is also one of healing. Soon after the accident, Allison Snyder, an Austinite who was spending a few months in Aspen getting away from her own tragedies - a brother who killed himself, a marriage that failed soon after - introduced herself to Art. Though the two didn't know each other, and though Allison is 25 years his junior, they discovered quickly that they had a bond, one that has held them together for more than a dozen years.

In "Out of the Canyon: A True Story of Loss and Love" (Harmony Books, $24), the Dailys describe how they built a life out of the ruins of their pasts, a process that culminates in the birth of their two sons, Rider, now 12, and Burke, 11. Though there are some New Age-style passages that will try some readers' patience ("This is the magic of hope, the searing heat and glow of our eternal spirit"), there are also passages of brutal honesty.

Allison Daily, 43, graduated from Westlake High School in 1984 and the University of Texas in 1988. Her father, David Snyder, was a longtime men's tennis coach at UT; her mother, Nancy, taught in the Eanes school district for many years. Since Allison and Art Daily have returned to Austin today for a book reading, we caught up with her by phone while the couple were in Denver.

Austin American-Statesman: I know from your acknowledgments at the end that writing this book was a struggle for you, presumably because the material is so raw and you're not a professional writer. What sort of things did you have to overcome in the early stages of writing?

Allison Daily: Because of the content, I, personally, and Art as well, we had to get down to the real raw elements. Pam Houston was the author who helped us kind of learn how to write the book, and her big thing was, "You have to put it all on the table. When you write a story like this, you can't hold back." So I would say we had to learn how to put our emotions, everything we were feeling, we had to put it on the paper. And that often was not easy.

Even if you knew what you felt, was it tough finding language to express what you felt?

Absolutely it was. Sometimes you had to just sit there for a period of time, and just really, literally, take yourself back to that day and try to remember conversations as best you could and then go back and really feel the feelings and then try to identify words that could maybe make it come close. One of the lessons I think that was best was Pam Houston always said, "Don't tell your readers; show them."

Have you gotten any sort of responses to the book from readers who have experienced loss?

It just came out May 12, so it hasn't been out very long, but we've gotten three letters from the Web site from people who've had specific loss ... and they have said it's really helping them to heal. So we're getting great response.

Most of the book is about grieving and healing, but midway through, you have a series of - I'm not sure what to call them. Visions? Visitations? - where you have encounters with Tanner's spirit in the Grand Canyon. And the rational, skeptical part of me has a lot of trouble accepting something like that. What do you say to people who can't quite bring themselves to believe you?

Well, first of all, I can totally understand that, because, to be honest with you, I think, in the beginning, I didn't. So I don't think it's really about changing anybody's mind about that kind of stuff, because I totally respect that outlook. But I think there are many people who have had those kinds of experiences, that haven't really known how to talk about them ... (It's) like what Pam said, you sort of put it all on the table, and so for me that was part of putting it on the table, because it was something that I never shared with people, except for Art and a few others. That was part of me coming out and saying, `Yeah, this happened.' And not everybody has to believe it. ...

Do you feel at all exposed now that you've put out in public something that some people are not going to believe?

Absolutely, yeah. I called Art in his office the day before and I was like, `What have we done? What have I done?' But at the same time I had to kind of come to understand that this was the way it happened for me, and I hope that it's something that can help people.

Your sons are very aware of the brothers who died before they were born, and you portray this in the book as something that is beautiful and valuable; you mention that when they were very young they were walking around with photos of Tanner and Shea. Did you and Art ever worry that Tanner and Shea's strong presence in your lives was any sort of burden for your sons?

We did. We had pictures around, but we were very careful not to talk about them a whole lot. They were more the ones who picked up on it, and then, later on, as they got older we really wanted them to understand, so we would call them their angels. And, when they were probably 7, 8 years old, we began really talking to them in depth about what happened, so they could understand. We knew, because this was such a big event in Aspen, that people were always going to be talking about it. There are many awards and things are named after (Art's) family, so it wasn't something we wanted to hide from them. So we sort of decided, well, let's let them know everything and help them alleviate their fears.

I was wondering not just about fears but if they feel any sort of responsibility that they have to be ...

I really don't think they do. I don't know - that's an interesting question ... We don't talk about the book a lot (with them). While it's getting a lot of attention where we are, our big thing is they are their own people, they have their own separate lives. And they just know they have what they call sort of their guardian angels to watch over them.

Art and Allison Daily will read and sign their book 'Out of the Canyon' at 3 p.m. Saturday, BookPeople, 603 N. Lamar Blvd. 472-5050, bookpeople.com