Statesman > XL Blogs > Archives > 2005 > June > 07 > Entry
Roller redux
I don’t want to die wearing fishnet tights. I don’t. I don’t want to meet my maker with waffle-print thighs and besides, they’ll probably run and I’m just not punk rock enough to carry off the whole torn-fishnet look. I can just imagine Saint Peter (who for the purposes of this fantasy is played by my fabulous beyond-all-reason hairdresser Doug) looking me up and down, arching a one heavenly coiffed eyebrow and whispering “Oh girl, no,� before plummeting me into the loathsome gaping maw of eternal misery (which for the purposes of this fantasy is played by the state of Oklahoma).
This is why I don’t roller derby.
Fortunately, The Hotrod Honeys and three other teams comprising The Texas Rollergirls don’t feel the same way. They risk gruesome multiwheeled death just for your entertainment, and if you haven’t seen them skate the flat track at Playland then you are missing some of the best action to ever involve mascara, mouth guards and a heavily pregnant Penalty Princess named Hotwheels.
Each team has a theme: The Hotrod Honeys are pink and black bad girls with gasoline in their veins, while the disco-themed Hustlers are best described as “Studio 54: Beyond the Thunderdome.â€? The league’s only undefeated team, The Honkytonk Heartbreakers are devils in denim and the less said about The Hell Mary’s school girl outfits the better. Although suffice it to say that when they were on the track my gentleman companion, who went through 12 years of Catholic school, would not have noticed had I sprouted giant lobster claws and burst into a tower of raging flames in the seat right next to him.
Of course there were casualties. Eighty-two bruises, five cuts, 18 softball-sized knots and one permanently damaged white fluffy cottontail, previously belonging to The Hell Mary’s Bunny Rabid.
Oh sure, you say, it’s all fun and games until someone loses a tail. That’s right, it is, and after that it only gets better.
Permalink | Comments (3) | Categories: By Rhiannon Gammill
Comments
By Cheap Trixie
June 8, 2005 11:39 AM | Link to this
Awesome review!!!! I am glad you had a good time!!! See you at the next one. June 26th!
By Melicious
June 8, 2005 11:51 AM | Link to this
Hey, Rhiannon!
Sorry I missed you at the game. Thanks so much for coming out...
Trust me, you haven't lived until you've endured fishnet-burn. There's nothing quite like the feeling of skin skidding across the Playland floor with nothing but fishnet in between.
Yay, Roller Derby!
Best,
Melicious
By Electra Blu
June 8, 2005 05:27 PM | Link to this
Thanks for coming out! Glad you had a good time.