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This week’s TV picks
Monday:
“The Bachelor” 7 p.m., ABC: Brad visits the final four’s hometowns, presumably via helicopter since he seems to take one everyplace else.
“World’s Deadliest Towns” 7 p.m., Animal Planet: There are still places on the globe where animals pose a very real threat to humans. This new series takes humans to those places. Yeah, I don’t know why, either.
“Hawaii Five-0” 9 p.m., CBS: Dane Cook guest stars, which should put to rest those persistent rumors that this show might actually be a comedy.
Tuesday:
“No Ordinary Family” 7 p.m., ABC: Anthony Michael-Hall guest stars as somebody’s dad and I start swigging Geritol and comparison-shopping for walkers.
“Raising Hope” 8 p.m., Fox: Amy Sedaris! Amy Sedaris!
“Traffic Light” 8:30 p.m., Fox: Week three; still funny.
“The Real Housewives of Miami” 9 p.m., Bravo: You know the drill. Same channel, different housewives in tonight’s spinoff kickoff.
Wednesday:
“The Middle” 7 p.m., ABC: “I have had it with these @#$@$$@!!! Hecks on this @#$@$$@!!! plane!”
“America’s Next Top Model” 7 p.m., The CW: As Season 16 begins, I think this show might be on the bubble. No, wait — it the models who are walking a pool runway inside of bubbles. Of course.
“Modern Family” 8 p.m., ABC: Claire and Phil’s arguments are so rare that, while he continues to engage in the battle, Phil has no idea what it’s about.
Thursday:
“American Idol” 7 p.m., Fox: The Top 20 — ten females and ten males — are revealed and the competition can finally begin.
“Overheard with Evan Smith” 7 p.m., PBS: Evan pulls Whole Foods CEO John Mackey off the shelf for tonight’s interview.
“Private Practice” 9 p.m., ABC: A patient complains of multiple personality disorder and a patient complains of multiple personality disorder.
Friday:
“Fringe” 8 p.m. Fox: Tonight’s episode is titled “6 Months Later.” If there’s actually any chance of a new episode of “Fringe” in six months, I’ll be a happy TV writer.
“Your OWN Show” 8 p.m., OWN: Tune in and see if Austin’s Zach Anner gets his own OWN show in tonight’s season finale.
“Supernatural” 8 p.m., The CW: Sam and Dean find themselves in an alternate universe, where they are the real actors who actually play those characters on a TV show called “Supernatural.” Viewer headaches abound and a mass run on Excedrin causes a nationwide shortage.
“Austin City Limits” 9 p.m., PBS: Willie Nelson and Asleep at the Wheel perform in this terrific rerun.
Saturday:
“Must Love Cats” 7 p.m., Animal Planet: Stop telling me what to do, basic cable network.
“2011 Film Independent Spirit Awards” 9 p.m., IFC: Joel McHale, host of “The Soup” on E! and star of NBC’s “Community,” hosts this celebration of independent cinema.
“An Idiot Abroad” 9 p.m., Science: Karl explores Brazil’s gay scene.
Sunday:
“Amazing Race: Unfinished Business” 7 p.m., CBS: Broadcast TV’s only original counter-programming picks up all the Oscar-intolerant viewers.
“83rd Academy Awards” 7:30 p.m., ABC: Anne Hathaway and James Franco host. Hopefully the broadcast won’t seem to last 127 hours.
“CSI: Miami” 9 p.m., CBS: (See first Sunday listing, above.)
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