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Recap: ‘The Bachelor’ week 3 (Jan. 17)
Hey, guess what? A Google search for “Madison” and “Bachelor” turns up a lot of seedy pre-wedding stuff to do in Wisconsin!
Wow. Who’da thought that Madison — the vampire-fetish girl with the fangs who appeared as a dominatrix with Bachelor Brad Womack in last week’s American Red Cross PSAs — would turn out to be the most normal, honest and thoughtful of “The Bachelor” bunch?
Throughout the week captured in Monday’s episode, Madison grew up. A lot. Listening to Emily tell a small group of contestants how she lost the love of her life in a plane crash, Madison had to wipe tears from her eyes. At the cocktail party that ended the week, she told Brad she was questioning her motives for being there — that she had come there hoping to find love but that she had discovered that there were other women who needed this much more than she did.
During the rose ceremony, sensing Brad was about to call her name and offer her a rose, Madison shook her head “no” and left the room. Brad followed her and she told him she was leaving, saying she couldn’t bear the thought of waking up the next day and realizing she had taken a rose that should have gone to one of the other women.
Surprisingly sweet, perceptive Madison took a wooden stake in the heart for Emily.
I’m sure she’ll do fine. There’s always Team Jacob.
But I’m getting ahead of myself.
Read the rest of the recap after the jump.
Brad’s first date of the week is a one-on-one outing with Ashley S. They hop into a fab convertible and head to Studio A at Capitol Records, where the couple put on cans, stand in front of a microphone and warble through Seal’s “Kiss from a Rose” (“cans” is studio talk for headphones, but the way they were “singing,” they might as well have been actual cans). Anyway, you know what this Seal stuff is leading up to, right? Here’s a hint: If Brad had taken Ashley out for a Reuben sandwich, Ruben Studdard would have shown up shortly afterwards. Are you with me now?
Anyway, their singing is terrible. It’s not even so bad it’s good; it’s so bad it’s bad. So, while they hug and laugh about how bad they sounded, all that the horrible wailing does for me is remind me that “American Idol” starts up in a couple of nights and I have to watch it. Where’s my hug?
Just as I’m about to hurl myself through the plate glass window (which, amazingly, that caterwauling didn’t break) and onto my patio, Seal shows up. Surprise! He serenades the couple with the song they just butchered, and I start to wonder how the lyric “I compare you to a kiss from a rose on a grave” is suppose to be romantic? Frankly, it sounds kind of creepy. Yeah, Seal … thanks for comparing me to that. Maybe you remind me of a daisy in a vase filled with embalming fluid.
Ashley tells Brad that she would always listen to the song with her father, who died of a brain aneurysm. She also says while they were singing it she felt as if he were there with them, which is, frankly, just making the lyric creepier. Brad responds by giving her a rose, but just a normal one — not one that’s all “grave-y” or anything.
This week’s group grope — er, date — finds Brad taking Alli, Ashley H., Britt, Chantal, Kimberly, Lindsay, Lisa, Marissa, Michelle, Sarah, Shawntel and Stacey on an adventure. They’re filming an action movie with lots of stunts because, you know, that will give Brad the chance to spend quality time with exactly zero of them. It’s crazy — not because of the concept or anything, but because Michelle is there and she is scarier than Ricky Gervais in a room with an open bar and the cast of “Ocean’s Eleven.”
How much does Michelle want to win? Let’s put it this way: if Brad ever takes her on a one-on-one date, they’d better not go to a petting zoo, because Brad will return to the mansion to find a rabbit boiling on the stove, and you know Chris Harrison doesn’t want to have to clean that up.
A post-shoot pool party finds the bikini-clad beauties vying for Brad’s attention and the coveted rose. Who knows — maybe this one will be accompanied by Neil Diamond singing “Cracklin’ Rosie!” It’s also the premiere of the action film that the group shot earlier in the day. We don’t get to see much of it, which is a shame, because it looks better than about half the pilots I had to sit through this season (especially you, “Perfect Couples”).
At the party, Chantal reveals her daddy issues to Brad and they smooch. Michelle horns in on Brad’s time with Alli and then they smooch, too. A lot. Michelle has finally got her alone time with Brad and she’s not going to waste it, you know, talking to him or getting to know him. She already knows everything she needs to know about him, anyway, which is that the other girls just need to pack up and go home because he is hers. Soon she and Brad will be off in Tahiti, “practicing making babies.” That’s what she tells the camera, anyway. Seriously. She doesn’t tell Brad any of that because a.) she doesn’t want him to know that she’s a psycho; and b.) he wouldn’t be able to understand her with their lips all smooshed together like that.
Michelle is sure that she will get a rose tonight. She’s certainly worked hard enough for it. But Brad pulls a fast one and gives the rose to Shawntel, who had better watch her back. I’m just sayin’. Also, this is the first time I remember hearing that Michelle is a mom, which is, frankly, scary. She’s probably one of those moms who is more like their children’s best friend than their parent.
The next day, Brad takes Emily to wine country, while Michelle stays back in whine country. To get there, they have to take a small private plane, which seems really insensitive because the father of Emily’s baby died in a plane crash. Brad’s got an out on this because he doesn’t know (if only she’d opened up to him sooner — she’s told everybody else!) but the producers sure as heck do, and it’s kind of an awful thing for them to put her through. She handles it like a trouper though and soon the pair are chatting in a vineyard and enjoying dinner in some kind of a wine shack.
I hope it’s just nerves causing Emily to drink all that wine because, man, she is drinking a lot of wine — like, Ricky Gervais levels. I hope she doesn’t start loosening her tie and insulting Tom Hanks (mostly because she’s not wearing a tie and Hanks isn’t there, so that might freak Brad out).
Emily finally opens up and tells Brad about Ricky Bobby (I’m just going to call him that because he’s southern, a race car driver and his name was Ricky) and her daughter, and Brad says it seems as if a ten-pound weight has been lifted from her shoulders. Emily says she wanted Brad to get to know her as her first, not as the woman with all of the history and baggage, and she does seem to be sitting a little taller now as she gushes about her baby girl. It’s sweet and a relief.
Brad takes the news really well and tells Emily that everything she’s revealed just makes him like her more. He says he feels the way people feel when they’re getting set to start a life together. I have no idea how Brad knows what that feels like since he abandoned those two women last time he was on the show, but whatever.
There’s no doubt about it — if you want an instant family, you’d be much better off with Emily than with Michelle.
Brad can’t wait to tell his temporary California therapist about his date with Emily and how well it went. Dr. Temp agrees that Brad seems to be growing and he tells him that the more comfortable he makes the women, the more they will reveal about themselves. Really? You’re gonna bill ABC $250 for that?
At this week’s cocktail party, the women are starting to get loopy.
This is where Madison first expressed her misgivings to Brad. Talking with him one-on-one, she takes out her fangs. And I don’t mean that she bares them … I mean she takes. Them. Out. She removes them. They are just Lee Press-On Fangs! She has realized that there are actual stakes involved here (no, not that kind — Madison’s done with the vampire schtick and, sadly, so am I) and that he deserves to know the real her. And, actually, the real her is pretty cool, although probably not as much fun on a date.
Meanwhile, Michelle is fuming out about Brad kissing her so passionately and then going out on dates with these other women and locking lips with them. Yes! Thank you. Thats what I’ve been saying all along. It’s icky, right? And while I appreciate that somebody on the show feels the same way as I do, I am a little dismayed that it’s a psycho.
I am pretty sure that when Michelle dumps all of this on Brad, he’s going to freak out and send her home. But he basically tells the camera that he knows Michelle is possessive and intrusive and selfish … and he likes it. Huh? Madison gives you a mature take on your situation and you tell her, “Hey, if you’re offered a rose and you don’t want it, don’t take it,” but you actually like the crazy, jealous stalker?
I guess you can’t spell “Womack” without four of the letters in “egomaniac.”
So, during the rose ceremony, Madison bails. She tells Brad exactly why. She explains it honestly and well. Which leaves the knucklehead confused and claiming not to understand. No, Brad, she didn’t leave because she’s got “emotional walls,” she left because Emily’s story helped her to realize that this is just a fantasy and that she wants something real like Emily had with Ricky Bobby.
Anyway, back to the ceremony. In addition to the roses he doled out to Ashley S., Emily and Shawntel earlier, Brad chucks flowers at Alli, Ashley H., Britt, Jackie, Lindsay, Lisa, Marissa, Meghan and Stacy, sending Sarah P. and Kimberly packing. I’m sorry to see Sarah P. go. We didn’t get to learn much about her, but she always seemed to have a kind word, a level head and no issues, which makes her a seemingly nice person but, I guess, bad TV. Also, her “Bachelor” bio says she has a tattoo of a shamrock in a “private area,” so there’s that.
Next week Brad takes some of the remaining gals to hop on the radio with “Loveline’s” Dr. Drew Pinsky. I’m not sure what happens, but Michelle seems to have a black eye in some of the shots so it should be interesting to see how they explain that.
How do you think she got it? Sound off in the comments, below.
Now, let’s go get kicked out of an Applebee’s.
Permalink | Comments (3) | Post your comment Categories: Entertainment, Local people on TV, Random thoughts, Reality TV, Review
Comments
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By Dale Roe
January 19, 2011 5:19 PM | Link to this
Thanks Heather and Julia! I really appreciate you taking the time to comment. I couldn't do it without my DVR, Julia. Heather — don't be a stranger!
By Julia London
January 19, 2011 3:50 PM | Link to this
Another good recap, Dale! I can't believe you can keep all those women straight. I couldn't recall ever seeing the two that got booted.
Made me laugh!
By Heather
January 18, 2011 3:34 PM | Link to this
I read your blog all the time, but this is my first time commenting. I have to applaud you on the ability to make me laugh out loud to myself at my desk, eliciting stares from co-workers. I love these recaps, they are hilarious!!