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Most annoying: Caruso or D’Onofrio?
Here’s a pay-per-view I might actually pay not to watch: David Caruso vs. Vince D’Onofrio.
These two over-the-top actors are screen hogs who apparently think they are much more important than their shows, plotlines or anyone else in the cast.
Caruso, 48, entered into his starring role on CBS’s “CSI: Miami” with a bit of humility. Hard to imagine, I know, but he really did. He had, after all, made a spectacle of himself the first season of “NYPD Blue” and left the show to become the big screen’s next box-office bonanza.
Then came “Jade,” an appalling crime thriller, that practically opened and closed the same weekend in 1995. Then there was the tail-between-the-legs return to TV in the short-lived crime drama “Michael Hayes.” And then another seldom-seen movie “Body Count.”
So when Caruso landed the lead in the “CSI” spinoff, his first meeting with TV critics was self-effacing and humble. No, he didn’t think TV was second-rate; yes, he would work hard as an ensemble player to make sure “CSI: Miami” succeeded.
But with the show’s quick success came Caruso’s ego rearing its ugly head again. In just about every scene, Horatio Caine is grinding his jaw, tilting his head, lowering his voice to a whisper to indicate intensity. Opening scenes invariably show him squinting at a dead body, looking morally wounded and hellbent on revenge.
Donning sunglasses cues us to know that he’s ready for business, and he will avenge the dead one by nabbing the bad guy. Cameras usually shoot him at an upward angle, so there’s blue sky above and the hint of magnificence about his statuelike poses.
D’Onofrio, 45, on “Law & Order: Criminal Intent,” doesn’t go for pose-striking so much as twisting and mugging. Conceived as an edgy Columbo, his Detective Goran is an allegedly brilliant eccentric who enjoys toying with murderers. In last night’s episode, he even flirted with a batty woman who had killed a shock jock to get closer to her ex-husband.
Unlike Caruso, D’Onofrio started out as a promising movie actor in late-’80s films such as “Full Metal Jacket” and “Mystic Pizza.” By ‘98, however, he had a co-starring role in an obscure romantic flick called “The Velocity of Gary.” So a leading role in a promising TV spinoff looked like his salvation.
And truth be told, D’Onofrio’s weird turn in “Criminal Intent” was interesting at first. But now his character’s quirks have become predictable mannerisms, and his oddball dealings with suspects overwhelm any semblance of story line. Now it’s not so much a matter of whodunnit but how bizarre Goran is going to get.
In a face-off for the title of Most Annoying Acting in a TV Spinoff, I’d give the (tilted) nod to Caruso. But only by the slimmest of margins. And possibly because of those silly sunglasses.
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