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October 16, 2009
Balloon Boy barfs on live TV
Look (said in Fred Armisen’s Barack Obama voice), I haven’t paid much attention to this 6-year-old kid Falcon Heene and his flying saucer-building dad. From the second I heard the story yesterday about the family that not once but twice appeared on the surreality TV show “Wife Swap,” I figured he was likely hiding or the mad scientist dad was just trying to get some attention for his gadget. It was just a little too “Truman Show” to be real.
Turns out, Falcon was hiding after dad had yelled at him, and now the news channels have something to yap about for 48 hours.
Great. Count me out.
However, there is one thing that can draw me in at least for a minute. (Seriously, at this point they are begging me to watch.) The family appeared on “Today” this morning, with dad looking like he’s spent a few too many hours in the Saxon Pub. But dad wasn’t the one with the queasy stomach. At about the six-minute mark of the video, young Falcon vomits, right after calmly asking his mother for a cup. And the interview just keeps rolling along. Between two “Wife Swap” appearances and being exploited on TV after being shamed by his father, I think young Falcon may end up a tad scarred. In terms of famous child “actors,” I’m thinking Falcon will end up a little more Corey Haim than Ron Howard.
Weird.
Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy
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September 10, 2009
Idea fail: Texts from Last Night Web site to become TV show
First the Web site “Look at this F—-ing Hipster” gets a book deal, now this.
Desperate to keep up with the zeitgeist of the tech and snark-savvy 20-something (and a lot of 30-somethings, likely) set, Fox TV has bought the rights to develop an adaptation of the popular site Texts From Last Night, according to Variety.
For those not familiar, TextsfromLastNight.com (definitely not safe for work or children), aggregates absurd, obscene and obnoxious texts (alleged texts, I guess) from readers who submit them on the site. The messages are sorted by area code, so you can even go read Austin-specific messages and see if you can decipher if any of them are from or about you.
According to Variety, “In writing the TV version, Holland will loosely base the show’s characters and plot on the whole idea of racy — and sometimes embarrassing — communication, particularly among the twentysomething set. Holland’s other credits include ‘Rules of Engagement’ and ‘Less Than Perfect.’”
OMG, what a ridiculous idea.
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September 1, 2009
What is going on with 'Mad Men'?
What exactly is going on with “Mad Men”? For those of us who were eagerly awaiting, for what seems like ages, the return of the critically acclaimed AMC hit, it has been a very slow and ambiguous start to season three, to say the least.
While last season got off to a somewhat cryptic start, it at least tantalized audiences and made me long for the next episode. With each episode, and almost every scene, a big reveal constantly felt like it could be around the corner. With this season, barring the Peggy Olson weed smoking bit in episode three (which was well written and perfectly performed by Elisabeth Moss), nothing terribly shocking or even interesting has happened and any revelations of the characters’ interior lives have been rather trite and expected. (I did like the creepy look Peter kept giving to the bosses while dancing, begging for their approval and admiration. Of course, we already know he is a scumbag. Also felt some trippy nostalgia in the bar scene that felt somewhat reminiscent early on of the bar in “The Shining.”)
Matthew Weiner and his crew have done a terrific job of building suspense and intrigue in the show’s first two seasons, while examining some delicious and extreme characters, but the characters all seem wooden and two-dimensional so far this year, and each sequence seems to end on a flat note.
Maybe my trouble comes from having had the benefit of watching the first two seasons on DVD, never having to wait a week for the next episode, but there is so little tension this year, nothing that makes me excited for the coming week. As David Itzkoff writes in his Arts Beat on NYTIMES.com, “Increasingly, Matthew Weiner, a former “Sopranos” producer, and his “Mad Men” writing staff seem to be so enamored with their characters that they are content to assemble them in potentially interesting settings, let the cameras linger on them and hope that an interesting scene emerges. This unhurried strategy may produce the occasionally transcendent image — think of Don and Betty Draper kissing in the moonlight at the end of the episode — but doesn’t do much to advance the internal narrative of the series.”
However, much like my faith in Houston Rockets architect, general manager Daryl Morey, I will give “Mad Men” creator Matthew Weiner the benefit of the doubt and trust that he is building something here that I can solidly get behind. The creepy slowness does give the subtle feel of the quiet before the storm. Maybe Weiner set the kettle to slow burn this season and soon we will all be drenched with the hyper-stylistic drama we fell in love with over the past two years. Let’s hope that is the case, anyways.
Image from AMC.
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July 28, 2009
Is Jon Stewart America's most trusted newscaster?
Following the death of Walter Cronkite, once considered the Most Trusted Man in America, Time did a poll to find out whom Americans consider the most trusted newscaster in the country.
The answer, according to this unscientific poll of over 9,000: Jon Stewart. The comedian outdistanced NBC’s Brian Williams, who has appeared on Stewart’s Comedy Central show multiple times.
Time even went to the trouble of breaking down the voting on a state-by-state basis. For the record, Stewart took 37 of 50 states (tying in Kentucky), including Texas, in which he bested Williams 41 percent to 31 percent.
Poor Katie Couric only won in Iowa. Silver lining: maybe she could get a head start on the 2012 presidential primaries.
Again, the results are not scientific and may be eschewed by the fact that Stewart’s supporters are likely more passionate in their admiration and trust than the fans of the network anchors. They could also be a result of the demographics of Time.com’s readership. Regardless, it is somewhat interesting.
The results:
- Jon Stewart: 44 percent
- Brian Williams: 31 percent
- Charles Gibson: 19 percent
- Katie Couric: 7 percent
In more Stewart-related news, Slate’s Ron Rosenbaum writes an open letter to Stewart asking the comedian to change his name back to his original Jewish surname, Leibowitz.
Image from Timepolls.com
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July 24, 2009
Powerful breast cancer tribute on 'So You Think You Can Dance?'
And now for something completely different … sentimentality and dance both covered in my blog.
I don’t watch the juggernaut “So You Think You Can Dance?,” not that there’s anything wrong with the show. Just not my bag. But after being alerted to this video last night at Marita’s house, I had to share the contemporary routine performed by contestants Ade and Melissa.
The piece, a tribute to those diagnosed with breast cancer (note: I do not call them victims, because they are anything but), was choreographed by Emmy-winner Tyce Diorio, who explained, “I just felt compelled to talk about breast cancer and a friend who was faced with it.”
I found the piece incredibly touching on a personal level, as my mother has bravely battled breast cancer with grace, faith and fearlessness I could only hope to approximate should I ever face similar circumstances. She finishes her final round of radiation next week, so the timing could not have been more poignant for me.
The dance, set to Maxwell’s cover of Kate Bush’s “This Woman’s Work,” moved the judges to tears, as well as many of the audience members. I wish the dance could have gone on as long as the judges’ commentaries.
Note: Dick Clark Productions seems to be patrolling YouTube and taking down clips, but this one appears up for now. How long it stays up, I don’t know.
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July 13, 2009
Michael Showalter and Michael Ian Black take product shilling to a new level, God bless 'em
I am sure if you would have told the two Michaels 15 years ago that they would still be on TV, they would have been both thrilled and possibly disgusted. I am also pretty sure that if you told them they would be doing live commercials during said show, they would be mortified. C’est la vie.
With all sorts of media scrambling to find ad revenue, it appears the show on Comedy Central will be the first of its kind to feature live adverts, according to AdAge.com.
Sounds like something out of a Simpsons’ Telemundo-satirized bit. “Y super gracias a Goya.”
[From AdAge]
In what is believed to be a first for a scripted series, “Michael & Michael” will feature live commercials during six of its seven episodes, as Messrs. Black and Showalter humorously wax poetic about the virtues of products including Unilever’s Klondike, Dunkin’ Donuts, Mike’s Hard Lemonade and Palm Pre. Klondike will be featured in the premiere episode, and the brand will also sponsor a web micro-series featuring the Michaels riffing on the ice-cream bar’s classic tagline, “What would you do for a Klondike bar?”Mr. Showalter said the sketch show’s reality-based format provided the actors their first opportunity to put their brand of self-referential meta-humor to work for sponsors. “I think we felt like with this show in particular, since we were playing ourselves making a TV show, we could do something where we’re basically doing promotions for advertisers as ourselves and it wouldn’t necessarily pull you out of the show we’re making,” he said. “We see it as the old-timey ad, the kind you hear on the radio all the time, where we just stand there and talk right to the camera, ‘This is the product, and this is why it’s great.’”
Jeff Lucas, Comedy Central’s exec VP-ad sales, said Messrs. Showalter and Black have been more proactive than most talent when it comes to openness to product integration.
“Michael and Michael are very forward-thinking. They’ve been doing this a long time, and they also know the economic realities of television, so they know want to play ball,” Mr. Lucas said. “This helps them, it helps us and, most importantly, it helps our advertisers get their message across in a new and innovative way.”
If this is what it takes for the two “alternative comics” to bring their meta-humor back to the small screen, so be it.
To be honest, at least they are being as up front as possible about their commercial messaging, as opposed to shows like “Chuck,” which use product placement in them which, despite the wink and a smile, turn out to be rather stomach turning.
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July 10, 2009
News anchor says a very discomfiting 'goodbye'
Ron Burgundy called. He wants his bit back.
This is probably the strangest sign-off and profession of love I have seen in a long, long time.
So, Mike Snyder is leaving the NBC station in Dallas. Probably a time to get a little misty. After all, he has been doing the news there for 30 years.
Wait, this just in …
Snyder is not actually leaving the station. He is gone from the 10 p.m. show, but will still be around for the 5 and 6 p.m. broadcasts. He says he is doing it to “pursue other interests” and attend dinners and Indian Princess gatherings with his daughters. Pursue other interests? Like … catching “Murder She Wrote” reruns at 8 p.m.?
Sounds like a typical sports coach saying he is “choosing to leave” to spend more time with his family. But what do I know?
From the looks of this video, you would think he was about to undergo experimental surgery or ship off to Afghanistan.
Narcissism doesn’t really get any better than this.
I don’t know what else to say, really. Except, “I love you, Jane.” (That will be my new catchphrase for the second half of 2009, by the way.)
Roll the tape …
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May 19, 2009
'American Idol' finale live chat
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Padma Lakshmi and Carl's Jr.: An unholy marriage
This just in … men love sex and bacon.
Using the word sell-out is so ’90s. Method Man and Redman shill deodorant. Gene Hackman wants you to shop at Lowe’s. Of Montreal pimps Outback Steakhouse. In this day and age, nothing is all that shocking. People need money, and who am I to begrudge them for how they go about getting it? If Robert DeNiro wants to make “Meet the Fockers,” so be it. Hell, I’d do a Hello Kitty commercial if they offered me enough (any) money. But sometimes, certain stars in certain ads just make my head spin, and I’m not talking about Nicolas Cage’s run of ads in Japan.
Last night, while fast forwarding through the commercials of the “24” season finale (anti-climactic as all hell, by the way), I thought I saw the most incongruous vision imaginable: Indian born model/foodie/TV presenter Padma Lakshmi and a Carl’s Jr. burger. I remember Carl’s Jr. from my days at University of Southern California, but did not realize they had gone national. I had to rewind the footage.
Am I just acting like a naive fool in my shock? I don’t want to condemn Lakshmi for making the choices she makes to support herself, I guess I am just utterly shocked at the bizarre pairing of the woman and the product. At the end of the day, it comes down to whether the ad worked. Well, it did get my attention. But I wouldn’t say it sold me on the burger, although I probably won’t fast-forward through the commercial next time. Mute it? Likely. And who knows, if Lakshmi can stoop from “Top Chef” to Carl’s Jr., maybe she could make the downgrade from Salman Rushdie to an unknown blogger.
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March 3, 2009
Jimmy Fallon wades into the late night television waters
Letterman and O’Brien both revolutionized the position of late night talk show host with their own brands of absurdist humor and rapport with guests. With Letterman long since moved to CBS and O’Brien moving to Los Angeles to take Jay Leno’s place, former “Saturday Night Live” cast member Fallon has found himself in the catbird’s seat.
Most remember the boyish Fallon as an over-laugher on “SNL” who could never keep a straight face in sketches, so it was somewhat curious that he landed one of the sweetest gigs in television. Of course, Letterman arrived to NBC as an unknown (outside of the few who had seen his short-lived NBC morning show) from the Midwest (by way of a brief stint in L.A.) in 1982, and O’Brien had worked behind the scenes as a writer on “SNL,” so Fallon does bring with him as much bona fides as those two. Yet with that prior recognition come people’s previously held opinions of the guy. Fallon’s charge will be to keep viewers who thought he was cute and charming on “SNL,” while trying to convince those who are lukewarm on the guy to give him a new shot.
Fallon’s show opened with a segment featuring him preparing for his show in his new dressing room, while O’Brien slowly and sullenly removed the remaining personal effects from the space that was his for 16 years. The back-and-forth between the new kid in town and the old veteran mostly highlighted O’Brien’s self-effacing wit, but was a nice touch on both men’s part to recognize Conan’s importance and Fallon’s reverence. The best line, maybe of the entire show, came when Fallon asked Conan if he’d be moving into Jay Leno’s old dressing room in L.A., to which Conan sheepishly (with a tinge of faux anger) responded, “Jay isn’t leaving” — a line that perfectly encapsulated the feelings of many O’Brien devotees (and possible the host himself) who thought the tall redhead got the shaft by moving to L.A. only to find Leno still maintaining a spot on NBC’s late night roster as a lead-in.
(Thanks to the power of Hulu, you can watch the entire episode of Fallon’s first show here.)
The title sequence for the show was a high-speed drive through downtown New York City with flashing neon lights and quick edits that had the feel of a hyperactive “SNL” open. Fallon walked out to the center of the highly polished wood stage of his classy and intimate set and acknowledged The Roots. As a sign that this show would definitely try to appeal to a different generation than Conan’s, the legendary hip-hop band from Philadelphia will be Fallon’s house band. On a somewhat sad note for Roots fans, NBC has apparently refused to pay royalties for their original songs, so the band is writing 200 new pieces of music to use as bumper/bed music, or as drummer ?uestlove calls them, “sandwich music.” So, while we won’t be treated to anything from “Things Fall Apart” or “Game Theory,” we will be treated to some of the more funked out music late night television has seen.
The monologue opened with Fallon saying that he woke up to a snowy morning in New York and had hoped for a snow day. While he obviously had a case of the jitters, probably compounded by unruly audience members shouting out during his jokes, Fallon made it through his first monologue unscathed and, surprisingly, without cracking at his own jokes. After a news-literate joke about Rush Limbaugh calling him to say he wish he failed, Fallon’s first big joke of the monologue went a little something like this: “President Obama wants to bring troops home from Iraq in 18 months, when the troops found out, they said, ‘Thank you, but the economy is better over here.’” And we’re off. Not a hysterical line, but delivered at a nice pace and with a wry grin, not as hackneyed as Leno or as playfully jaded as Letterman.
Before welcoming his first guest, Fallon did a bit from his desk called “Target Demographic,” in which he explained that executives were trying to target blonde housewives. After pointing out a row of said fair-headed ladies planted in the audience, there was a taped “research department film” segment that employed voiceover from Fallon’s emcee while lampooning blonde housewife stereotypes. (Eg. “They purchase expensive items like minivans, but also everyday items like yogurt, Williams-Sonoma flatware, personalized checks and discreet dolphin tattoos that say I’m two chardonnays away from ruining your wedding”)
From the graphic, it appears this “Target Demographic” segment may be a recurring bit in which he lampoons various stereotypes. I don’t have very high hopes. After a break, Fallon introduced the show’s first “game,” leading me to believe these “game show-style games” will be a regular segment. On the opening night, the game in question was “Lick it for $10,” in which studio members come on stage to lick household items, office supplies, etc. for $10. It was as lame as it sounds. Hopefully the games improved.
After the first two bits, the show was feeling a bit like a rehashed “SNL” episode, and that was only enhanced when Fallon’s first guest, Robert DeNiro, graced the stage. The two had scripted a bit wherein Fallon would ask DeNiro simple questions that required one-word answers, thus lampooning DeNiro’s propensity for reticence and brevity. Stumbling through this, Fallon then digressed to some weird DeNiro genuflecting and suffered a horrible bout of forehead flop sweat and nerves that left him resembling Chris Farley from the old “Chris Farley Show” segment on “SNL.” Following the awkward interview, there was a brief sketch in which Fallon and DeNiro did a scene from a never-released film they did together. It had something to do with space and the humor was supposed to come from the idea that Fallon could land a role in a movie with DeNiro, who would presumably never deign to lower himself to such levels. Unfortunately, the irony that art was imitating life was a bit too discomfiting to endure.
Things picked up considerably when second guest Justin Timberlake came out. The magnetic Timberlake showed great ease in helping Fallon to generate laughs with hilarious send-ups of John Mayer and Michael McDonald, of whom J.T. did a spot-on imitation with an impromptu beer commercial parody as The Roots bust out McDonald’s “I Keep Forgetting (We’re Not In Love Anymore.)” Definitely the highlight of the night (though DeNiro looked like he’d pay $50,000 for someone to drag him off the set). Maybe Fallon should see if his NBC bosses will pay Timberlake, with whom the host has a great chemistry dating back to “SNL,” $20 million a season to be his sidekick. The actual performing musical guest was Van Morrison, a nice (and obviously personal) get who played “Sweet Thing.”
Fallon may never be as acerbic or as quick as Letterman. He may never play brainy and disarming as well as O’Brien has all these years. But I think he will eventually find his voice and a level of comfort that can hopefully temper his overly eager-to-please schoolboy persona. The strikes against Fallon seem to be that he is a little too cute, a little too safe, a little too been-there-done-that.
Unlike O’Brien, who was able to capture the imaginations of college-aged kids and 20-somethings with his brand of Dada-esque humor, the affable Fallon is having to present himself to young people who have already been segmented and distracted by 1,000 different memes. They have seen all the Internet videos, read all the snarky blogs. Hell, most of them have created their own entertainment content online. There is nothing new under the sun. Fallon’s challenge will not be to re-invent the wheel or himself, but to make people feel comfortable enough with him that they are willing to spend an hour with him each night as they wind down their evenings. His role will be to make the familiar comforting and not boring, and if he can get people to let down their guard, they just may find his style is a welcome addition to the late night landscape.
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March 2, 2009
Sarah Silverman and team fighting budget cuts, threatening holdout
Sarah Silverman’s Jewish. And farts are funny. And irony is just so ironic. After watching an episode or two of “The Sarah Silverman Program,” those are my main takeaways. While I may not be a fan, there are certainly thousands who enjoy the comic’s sketch show, but that may all soon come to an end.
Reuters is reporting that “the economic downturn is jeopardizing [the show] one of Comedy Central’s signature series.”
Apparently Comedy Central came to Silverman and her executive producers and told her that the show’s budget will be cut by more than 20 percent for the upcoming season, the series’ third.
[from Reuters]
At the center of the holdup is the proposed budget for Season 3. Citing cuts imposed on the network by parent company MTV Networks, Comedy Central had proposed that the trio bring back the Writers Guild of America Award-nominated show at about $850,000 an episode, sources said, down from the $1.1 million an episode for the show’s second season. In broadcast, single-camera comedies are produced for about $1.5 million-$2 million an episode, and the budget for any series normally climbs from year to year. “Sarah Silverman” is a single-camera comedy that also features animated sequences and musical numbers. The contracting ad market is hitting networks hard. MTV Networks’ parent Viacom in December laid off 7% of its work force, though Comedy Central largely was spared because it had been through the ringer following the 2003 acquisition of Time Warner’s 50% ownership in the network and had little left to cut. Amid the economic woes, ABC Studios and 20th TV asked all of their showrunners to cut 2% of their series budgets. Concerned they won’t be able to maintain the integrity of the show at the discounted price, Silverman, on behalf of the three executive producers, informed the network late last week that they can’t proceed with a third season. The move reportedly sent shock waves through Comedy Central’s executive offices, with top brass jumping into action to find a budget compromise that would keep the flagship live-action series on the air. As of Friday night, the situation remained at a standstill. Both sides continued their back-and-forth during the weekend. A resolution is expected as early as Monday, and people familiar with the situation were optimistic that the two sides would agree on financial terms to bring back the show.
They don’t feel they can maintain the “integrity” of the show if the budget is cut so drastically? That’s cute. Kinda like Silverman’s show. Kind of.
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August 6, 2008
Confessions of a junkie
I have spent hour upon hour upon hour locked inside my dark living room for the past month, interrupted only by quick visits to my local dealer for a fix and to the kitchen for rehydration supplies. I have a problem, and I’m big enough to admit it.
I’m addicted to “The Wire.” I know my chase of the dragon is about six years later than many, but after listening to and reading the (this season’s political buzzword) full-throated endorsements of the show by friends and critics for years, I finally fell into the abyss that is addiction to one of the most engaging and intelligent shows in the history of television. Once upon a time I battled with a brief addiction to “24,” but that show is the Pixy Stix of TV narcotics compared to “The Wire.” After renting the first disc of Season 1 just a few weeks ago, I have now watched every episode of the Peabody Award-winning show’s first four seasons.
Created by David Simon, the HBO show, for those of you who have been living under a rock, explores the socio-political dynamics of Baltimore set against the city’s police department and its relationship with the community and the criminal justice system. Very simply stated, the show has an incredible ability to weave multiple compelling narratives while dramatizing the social issues that have led to the plight of Charm City’s crumbling inner city. Generally refusing to pass judgment on many of the characters (with the exception of corrupt politicians), “The Wire” instead portrays most as victims of circumstance, caught up in a zero-sum game that leaves everyone frustrated with a cemetery’s worth of bodies in their wake. The writing, acting and cinematography all represent the best of what TV can be, with each show engaging the emotions and intellect of the breathless viewer in the way the best crime novels do.
As I neared the end of Season 4 last weekend, I took a few breaks, slowly stringing out the final remnants of the fuel to my addiction. Imagine my relief, joy and surprise then when upon returning the last of the discs to I Love Video, I was told that Season 5 would be coming out next Tuesday, Aug. 12. Until then I guess I can go back and listen to the commentaries to keep the shakes at bay.
(If you haven’t watched “The Wire,” get thee to a video store post haste. But make sure to block out a few weeks from your social calendar in advance. And stock the fridge. As an aside: I find it sad, weird, troubling and ridiculous that several of the actors from the show are not getting stronger film parts now. That should, and I hope will, change.)
Photos: Meet the cast of “The Wire”
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July 30, 2008
Austin author appears on 'The Daily Show'
If you were watching “The Daily Show” last night, you may have seen a silver-haired gentleman with a bit of a Texas-Kentucky hybrid accent talking to Jon Stewart about how Americans are becoming segregated by their beliefs. That kindly gentleman was Austinite and former Statesman staffer (and O.G. blogger) Bill Bishop, author of “The Big Sort: Why the Clustering of Like-Minded America is Tearing Us Apart.” Bishop examines how people sort themselves “largely according to lifestyle, and that correlates these days with politics. The net result is that moderation is out and homogeneity is in,” according to Bishop.
In a nod to his city of residence, Bishop even referenced a Statesman article about how gun sales have been strong in the Austin area this summer due to some buyers’ fears that the next administration could tighten gun regulations.
Check out the video of Bishop below, as well as this informative article from The Economist. If you are more aurally inclined, check out the engaging podcast my good friend did with Bishop for the The Economist, direct from Austin’s own The Green Muse coffee shop.
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June 30, 2008
Your chance to win ACL taping tix
Who isn’t streaming online content these days? Even my fiance’s cat has a vlog. Naturally, public television is looking to make its mark on the online video movement. The wonderful folks over at Austin’s KLRU, known for their community building and innovative programming, are hoping to get some feedback from you, their loyal viewers, to help them determine the direction of their online video efforts.
KLRU is currently conducting an online survey to determine the future of their online video content. If you complete the survey, you will be automatically entered into a drawing to receive guaranteed tickets to an upcoming Austin City Limits taping. And that’s no small prize. Anyone who has been to an ACL taping can tell you that there is no better way to see one of your favorite bands than at an ACL taping. From the size of the crowd, to the comfortable seats, perfect sound and free beer, the KLRU studios can’t be beat.
So, jump on over to the 15-question survey. It’ll only take about 10 minutes, and you’ll be doing your small part to help local public television and maybe win a chance to see a band at the best venue in town.
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May 22, 2007
'The Bachelor' Recap: Season finale
And, now, for no good reason, this…
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May 14, 2007
'The Bachelor': Episode No. 7 recap
From the previews, it appears that type of life has less to do with dealing with odd hours, understanding that the Navy comes first and being a good mom, and more to do with jumping off of waterfalls and eating sushi. Sounds like a pretty easy gig.
Andy takes all three ladies (separately, of course, this is the final three) to the site of the USS Arizona Memorial at Pearl Harbor to start the weekend of frivolity. Apparently, producers felt it was important to show some solemnity before we got to all the booze and breasts. Each is dutifully touched by the sentiment, and this is the only scene we get that has anything to do with the U.S. Navy. So much for Andy’s proclamation that it is “all about being a U.S. Naval officer.” That stuff doesn’t play on TV, pal, sorry.
In an interesting development, Winnie makes it quite clear that she wants to be “here at the end.” Apparently, the change from frigid D.C. to the sunny confines of the Aloha State has brought about a change in our young front-runner. The couple while away the sunset drinking champagne and talking about how much they make each other laugh. Apparently, the laughter and authentic enjoyment these two feel while in each other’s company is being saved for the director’s cut DVD.
Back at the resort, Andy marvels at Winnie’s beauty, admitting that he loved her tomboy side, but to see her at dinner all dressed up, he feels like he’s a king and she’s his queen. There seems to be a very patriarchal and antiquated theme in the way Andy thinks about the male-female relationship, a feeling of ownership. Overwhelmed by Winnie’s beauty and candor regarding her growing feelings, Lt. Love Boat does his best Mr. Roarke and offers Winnie a key to the Fantasy Suite. She accepts, and the couple retreats to the Jacuzzi bath tub for the night. In their bathing suits.
Next up on the love merry-go-round is Danielle (“Crude Attempts”). General Goofball and Crude Attempts take a boat trip in which we learn that dolphins may be Crude Attempt’s favorite animal. Fascinating. She professes that the experience is a dream come true for her. Really? Ever since childhood, or even as a woman in your 20s, the dream you’ve always had is of being in the final three on a reality dating program? Surrounded by cameras? With your imminent expulsion from Fantasy Island casting a pall over everything you do? Dream big, ladies. Shame on you, ABC.
Apparently, Andy still has his skepticism, too, as he has reserved a third seat at their beachside dinner for, you guessed it: a psychic. A woman then shows up with a deck of regular playing cards. Yikes. Crude Attempts tries to act excited by the mystery of it all, but you’ve got to feel for the girl. How would you like to have your life’s fate decided by a woman who looks like she just popped over from her smoke break as a $5-table blackjack dealer at Harrah’s Kauai? This second in a long line of soothsayers in Crude Attempts’ life sees that she has a little sadness in her past and that she could be feeling apprehension. Yet another pearl of uncanny wisdom from a fortune teller. You mean to tell me that she could see that a woman who has gone on TV to find a husband and is almost 30 might have had enough life experience to endure sadness and be feeling just a tad apprehensive? What with the cameras and strangers (including Andy) staring at her? Oh, and the two other women. Shocking.
After they part ways with Miss Cleo, Hervé Villechaize comes out and escorts the couple to the Fantasy Suite. It’s classic watching Andy feign amazement at the suite after spending the previous night in an almost identical room with a different woman. Once inside, Crude Attempts engages Andy in small talk about how many kids he would like, which brings out the sex tiger in Andy. Nothing like children talk to get ol’ Andy’s motor running.
The final overnight date belongs to Bevin (“Salty Dog”). The couple hikes through a rainforest, wherein they are amazed to find it raining, and Andy asks Salty Dog if she would love to live there with him. Wow. As the kids say, I guess I won’t hate the player, but Salty Dog had the look in her eyes as if she thought Ed McMahon was gonna walk out of the forest with a big prop check and balloons would fall from the trees. No, Salty Dog, you have not yet won; Andy just wanted to keep you on your toes. He also wants to get you in a bikini, so the couple goes diving off of a miniature cliff into a pool of water. What transpires next is a bit of groping that resembles something you might see on a soft-core porn channel produced by Hallmark. Salty Dog admits that she is ready to take her life to the next level and get married (again) and have kids (for the first time, as far as we know).
With all of the dates having gone as well as Lt. Love Sick could have hoped, he is terribly conflicted. With a run along the beach not doing the trick to clear his mind, Andy calls in his friend Karch Kiraly to play sounding board. Actually, dude’s name is “Gatsby.” As any good consigliere would, Gatsby asks Andy which woman he’d like to see welcoming him at the finish line of an Ironman triathlon. Andy is perplexed, but he feels his friend has honed in on what this search is all about and admits that he wants a woman who will be there with his kids at the finish line and revel in his glory. The whole thing is like some “Father Knows Best” for the LiveStrong generation dream sequence. Gatsby seems confident Andy will make the right choice but is adamant in insisting that he pick “Daisy.”
All good things must come to an end, unfortunately, and Andy lines up the women on the beach for the penultimate rose ceremony. After he offers a rose to Salty Dog and Winnie Cooper, it is curtains for Crude Attempts, who was last seen on the Wikki Wikki shuttle at the Honolulu airport mumbling something about psychics and dead people.
Next week’s big finale promises a bit of intrigue as Lt. Love Shark takes the final two contestants back to his home of Lancaster, Pa., where it seems his conservative family is entranced by Winnie Cooper’s beauty and completely nonplussed by Salty Dog having grown up practicing the B’Hai faith. Oh, Salty Dog, will your delicious and confounding secrets never end?
“Miss” any of the previous episodes? Check out my recaps here: Episode #6 | Episode #5 | Episode #4 | Episode #3 | Episode #2
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May 8, 2007
'The Bachelor': Episode #6 recap
Please tell me it’s almost over. Please.
In related Bachelor news: [Houston Chronicle] “A principal has resigned after being reprimanded for allowing a teacher to tape episodes of the reality TV show “The Bachelor” while school was in session.”
“Miss” any of the previous episodes? Check out my recaps here:
Episode #5 | Episode #4 | Episode #3 | Episode #2
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April 30, 2007
'The Bachelor': Episode #5 recap
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April 24, 2007
'The Bachelor': Episode #4 recap
The ladies receive news that the first group date will center on gambling, but first, cocktails! As the ladies prepare to rendezvous with Andy for some sunset cocktails, Salty Dog; finally (again) breaks down (some more). Locked in the bathroom, she admits through stifled tears that she feels inadequate and is worried that she looks silly on crutches. The crutches don’t make you look silly, Salty Dog. The melodramatic, behavior of a “before” model for an anti-depressant commercial? Well, that’s another story.
The other girls, while increasingly suspicious of Salty Dog’s propensity for drama, help her get ready by steaming her dress and assisting her with her hair and make-up. She sprained her ankle, right? She didn’t have a stroke did she? Did I miss an episode? Did they show one only on the Internet and I just wasn’t around? What is going on?
During their SQT, Andy admits he’s a nerd. Attempting to enunciate in spite of a tongue heavy from the weight of booze, Andy tells Salty Dog that he used to do “all the science fairs in high school.” Nerds LARP on the weekends; nerds have pet rocks named Balrock that live in intricate cardboard boxes that they proudly call Khazad-dum; nerds draw pictures of girls like Salty Dog as elven She-ra princesses with skull swords and shredded animal skin bikinis that they stow away in their secret Trapper Keepers under their mattresses. Science fairs do not a nerd make, Andy.
After prattling on about his nerdiness, Andy confesses that there has been an evolution of Salty Dog. Well, if evolution means progressively becoming more despicable, pathetic and booze-bloated, then, well said, sir. As the two return back to the pack, Andy tells her that she is “his sanctuary.” Somebody’s been readin’Opening Love’s Door: The Seven Lessons back on his yacht, it appears.
That means it’s curtains for Shut Up (guess playing the mean girl has its drawbacks), Ole Smokey and Eyebrows, who is completely amazed that her 15 minutes of fame has come to a close. Don’t worry, Eyebrows, there’s always the strip club. Or Red Lobster.
Next week promises more of Salty Dog trying to monopolize Andy’s time and the ladies jockeying for “the most romantic date ever!”
“The Bachelor” - now with even more superlatives!
“Miss” any of the previous episodes? You’re in luck. Read the recaps here:
Episode #3 | Episode #2
As always, thanks to Tami for help with jokes.
(Ladies pictured from top to bottom: Salty Dog, Winnie Cooper, Eyebrows and Beaches.)
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April 17, 2007
'The Bachelor': Episode #3 recap
“Big Sis” gushes that the couple is “absolutely perfect” for each other. (Nothing better portends a happy and healthy future together like making grandiose and saccharine speculations of one another’s perfections). “Winnie Cooper,” on the other hand, (and I can’t believe I’m actually saying this) seems to have a genuine moment with The Bachelor and expresses her interest in wanting to get to know him better. (Don’t mess this one up Kevin, er, Andy.) A helicopter swoops in to escort Andy and his chosen one away, and in the biggest “Oh, no he didn’t” moment of this season’s show, Andy actually begins to cry. It was probably just the wind. And the booze.
The sobbing soldier informs the women that “Winnie Cooper” will be flying home with him. Meanwhile, “Big Sis” is thrown overboard and forced to swim back to Tennessee. Not really. But that would be awesome. With sharks in the water. And a rumor of buried treasure. (Psssst, hey, producers, call me.) A tearful “Big Sis” vows to move forward with her life, saying “I’m definitely going to find the man of my dreams … (on FOX).”
Having rid himself of “Big Sis,” it was time for the Love Boat to scrape off a couple more barnacles. As is their weekly want, the contestants all make their final pitch. “Silent Treatment” bails on the competition, seemingly not understanding that her physical connection with Andy will not be enough; “Shut Up” attempts to prove to Andy that she’s not a crazy sorority girl but is left wondering what she can do to prove this short of rescuing an orphan from a fire; the two Stephanie’s engage in a ludicrous game of “one of these things is not like the other” (as Andy makes the hyper-astute observation that two women can share the same name and still be very different); and “Salty Dog” pouts her way into a kiss and makes the embarrassing proclamation that this is the best experience she has ever had.
The politicking done, it’s heartbreak time. Andy offers a rose to each of the following: Amber (shrugs all around); “Crude Attempts” (who’s shown an uncanny ability to go from sobby to silly in 4.5 seconds); “L.D.P”. (visible gulp from “Eyebrows”); “Over Achiever” (who seems to be using her brain to stay in the fight); “Shut Up” (who classily admits that Andy “scared the crap” out of her), “Ole Smokey” (who was waiting with labored breath); and “Eyebrows” (who seems a bit humbled but still gross).
Tonight, we say goodbye to “Silent Treatment,” who proves that being quiet and pretty is not enough, and “Tweedle Dumb,” who will get back to Louisiana with some nice padding for her résumé for the Miss De Soto Parish Azalea Pageant.
Previews for next week’s episode promise a nasty and melodramatic scene as the party moves to Lake Tahoe while tonight’s show closes with a shot of “Shut Up” attempting to open a bottle of champagne with a corkscrew and “Tweedle Dumb” imploring her “not to pop it in my face.”
See you next week ladies.
Did you “miss” the last episode? Check out the recap here.
(A special word of thanks to my favorite ‘bachelorette’ for allowing me to use her brilliant mind for all of the recaps.)
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April 10, 2007
'The Bachelor' recap
Before tonight I had never seen an episode of ABC’s hit realty show, so I did not know much going in. Sure, I understood the basic principle: a hunky bachelor with a pearly white smile and not too terribly much in the way of personality is courted by a bevy of 20-something women with equivalent traits. But I was left with quite a few questions.
Does this dude really expect to find true love under the glare of the national television spotlight? Do these women expect to be able to maintain any sense of dignity (if they had any to being with) and out-battle their fellow contestants for the privilege of a made-for-tv romance? Are all parties involved really looking for true love or is this a feeble quest for fame and the attention of adoring viewers and snide bloggers such as myself? Will I surprise myself and find these attention whores quite redeemable and intriguing? Do any of these questions really matter? Of course not. Now, on to the train wreck/freak show that is “The Bachelor,” episode #2. (And, to answer the unasked question, I missed the premiere, as there was this little basketball game on television last Monday. Priorities, folks. I think I’ll probably be able to catch up.)
The tease for tonight’s show indicates that we are in for a healthy dose of everyone hating on Stephanie along with a couple of group dates that will find the women vying for Lieutenant Lovesick’s affections.
Our Bachelor, Andy, kicks off the battle royal, as he exclaims, “Let Operation: Soul Mate begin!” No better way to find your soul mate than thru a good old fashioned cage match. On national television. Somewhere Cupid has turned his bow & arrow on himself.
The first group date starts with champagne in the middle of the day. As the gals are chauffeured down the Sunset Strip, one of the contestants vacuously remarks about Mel’s Diner, “This place is famous!” A perfect testament to the fact that many of these vapid bags find value only in that which they are told is important.
The traveling party moves on to an authentic L.A. honky tonk where the women cattle are staged to ride simulate sex on a mechanical bull in an attempt to compete for Andy’s love. It’s been awhile since I’ve been to a rodeo, but I don’t remember having seen too many bulls that move like that. Like a man. Having sex. With a woman.
Tessa cleverly decides to stand out by faking an injury, which seemed like a good idea. But if she really wanted to take the bull by the horns, she should have committed to the injury/joke rather than immediately bailing with an “I’m OK,” as soon as she got his attention. Chevy Chase would not approve.
So everyone fell off but Danielle (I think), about whom Andy remarked “she’s unbelievable!” and chose her for the date. Not sure if all gals were aware the bull ride was an actual competition for the date and not just a fun-for-Andy/male viewer rating escalator and really pervy diversion.
The girls then were whisked away to a hotel suite with a bunch of evening gowns to try on; Tiffany (“Dead Eyes”) commented excitedly that she had never had a date “take her to a room full of dresses before.” Well, guess what, Dead Eyes (“Tiffany”), here’s one for the diary, you have now had a production company take you to a room full of dresses.
Dressed in gowns, the girls meet Andy on a smoggy L.A. rooftop terrace for evening cocktails. Upon seeing the girls, the wide-eyed Andy responded “OH MY GOSH!” like a jr. high boy looking at his sister’s slumber party through a key hole or a boy scout finding the new issue of Highlights in the mail. One of the girls commented it looked like a scene right out of a movie…or in this case…a television show.
The girls chit chat and obsess over kissing strategies for first dates in an effort to get a feel for how others will play and how they should proceed with their own maneuverings. During some one-on-one time with Andy, Alexis discusses her home-schooling and pompously/naively reveals that she didn’t miss having a traditional education because she didn’t “need to learn my morals from 13-year olds.” She also, not surprisingly, admits to being “very old fashioned.” Yea, like Little House on the Prairie old-fashioned.
When asked by Alexis (“Laura Ingalls”) to describe his morals, Andy says he’s “conservative but open minded” (read: I’m against gay marriage but I’d watch two chicks make out).
While the gals jockey for Andy’s time, Bevin (“Salty Dog”) gets more and more frustrated (and more and more drunk on martinis). The graphic says she’s 28; yea, 28 ten year ago.
Andy toasts the women to a “classy night,” and we all know nothing says class like three-inch inch heels, bikinis and some wild HOT TUBS-n-BOOZE action.
Sensing Salty Dog’s (“Bevin’s) patience at its limit, Andy decides to pull her into the pool for some QT. As she makes her way from the hot tub into the pool, we see that Salty Dog (“Bevin”) has the tattoo daily double: a Chinese character on her shoulder and a tramp stamp.
Erin, the financial analyst from Dallas, babbles on about something I can’t follow because I keep getting distracted by the fact that she reminds me of a grown-up JonBenet Ramsay with a pill habit.
Andy decides to pick Tiffany for alone time due to the fact that she was shy. On the drive up to a look out point the pair’s conversation meanders from a discussion about how hilly the drive is to talking about the fact that they’re “going up a lot of hills.” When the extremely “shy” Tiffany asks Andy why he picked her he replies, “You have a lot of depth but I could not see your true colors.” Andy then peppers Tiffany with questions in an attempt to get to know her better. The tight-lipped tiffany offers little in the way of response, wearing on the thin and confused patience of an already drunk Andy. This leaves Lt. Loquacious to confess that he had to “drive the conversation.” Drive it right over a cliff. Into a sea. Full of booze.
Andy kicks off group date #2, which we learned in the last bumper would be an abbreviated triathlon competition, with the ubiquitous proclamation, “Let’s have some mimosas!” During group banter Tina (“Over Achiever”), in an effort to separate herself from the perceived bimbos, admits that she “doesn’t have a lot in common with Luis Vitton purses” (or someone with casual conversation skills). In the meantime, Erin and Susan (“Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumb”) have formed an “alliance” and make an aborted attempt to pull Andy away but admit they are novices at approaching guys. As the Dimwitted Duo do their least to compete in Andy’s triathlon, they come off looking more like two of Heff’s girlfriends from “The Girls Next Door” than the accomplished, quasi-sophisticates the show hopes to portray.
The absurd athletic event ends with a slow mo shot (ala “Chariots of Fire”) of the photo finish between Amber and Danielle. Amber’s victory is rewarded with some brief alone time on the beach with Andy in which we learn that she’s great at cooking and he’s great at doing dishes. Andy smiles and begins to say “then you can cook and I’ll do the dishes” but catches himself before making such a tragic faux pax on national television.
With the two group dates out of the way, the self assured Stephanie (“Eyebrows”) prepares for the first one-on-one date. The abbreviated date at sea includes an obligatory “Titanic” bit, Andy giggling like Scooby Doo, the show’s first lip kiss and, of course, HOT TUBS-n-BOOZE! Back at the house the harpies play the “What bothers me the most about the girl on the date” game while swilling margaritas. With a nod to his perspicacity (and some clever editing) the Bachelor asks Stephanie how she is holding up to criticism back at the house. Stephanie sagely responds “some girls try to give me animosity” but reassures Andy that “not a lot of girls can throw at me what hasn’t already been thrown at me.” From the mouths of babes (or bar whores with a track record of stealing bff’s boyfriends).
Stephanie returns home to find a few girls waiting on the stairs who quickly return to bed dejected after seeing her with the coveted rose. The evening concludes with the courtesans gossiping like diet coke-amped high school girls and Stephanie doing her best Mistress of Disinformation routine.
With the second rose ceremony rapidly approaching, the girls make last-minute moves to plea their case, with Over Achiever (“Tina”) admitting that she is perhaps too ambitious and Peyton (“Big Sis”) explaining the passion that she has for her work. Remember, she’s a sorority recruiter. Meanwhile, Laura Ingalls (“Alexis”) has been potentially outed as a virgin: “It (sexuality) is something I will share with the guy I am dating not a group of strangers,” but maybe the nation, apparently. Andy seems conflicted by his pending decision, stating “I’m a healer. Instilling pain doesn’t go well with my heart or mind.”
Nonetheless, he is still flattered by the attention and admits, “I can’t believe they are all here for me.” Well, you and the fine meals, a temporary life of luxury, a minute-and-a-half of forgettable minor celebrity and free HOT TUBS-n-BOOZE. Remaining last ditch efforts include Salty Dog (“Bevin”) awkwardly admitting she’s been on her own since fifteen; Danielle (“Crude Attempts”) getting a pitty kiss on her water-logged ear only to immediately proclaim she’ll no longer need to use her ear medicine now (ew); Nicole (who constantly seems in desperate need of her next cigarette) “dirty” dancing yet again with the fumbling drunk Andy all the while chit chatting desperately about how dancing is “their thing;” Tessa tearing away for a pitty party cry time with Big Sis (putting her mentoring to work for the camera) to the rescue. The 11th hour antics subsided; it’s time for Lt. Love Boat to whittle his wooden fifteen down to a Daft Dozen.
In the rose ceremony, Dead Eyes (“Tiffany”) sees her dream end as did Susan, one half of the Dimwitted Duo. How Andy differentiated between her and Erin is beyond me. And, in maybe the most surprising move of the night, Lt. Landshark also gives Laura Ingalls “Alexis”) the green light to run home to Paw.
In a true move of benevolence by the production company, the credits roll as we see footage of four of the dumbest of the ladies trying to figure out the math behind the rose ceremony. God bless you, ABC.
Next week promises an overreaction that leads to a 911 call, mud fights, and a humiliating boot camp experience — good fodder for any second date, really.
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April 9, 2007
KLRU's Echoes of Color Community Engagement Film Series finale
Following the screening, there will be a discussion of the impact of discrimination moderated by Dr. Edmund T. Gordon, director of the University of Texas Center for African and African American Studies.
More about the episode of “Frontline” from KLRU: “One day in 1968, a teacher in a small, all-white Iowa town divided her third-grade class into two groups — blue-eyed children versus brown-eyed children — to give them a daring lesson in discrimination. One day the students with blue eyes received special treatment like extended recess and extra praise. The next day the brown-eyed students received the special treatment. The groups were not allowed to interact with each other during this experiment. The riveting classic documentary “A Class Divided” shows the lasting impact on the children and its enduring power nearly 40 years later.”
KLRU’s Echoes of Color Community Engagement Film Series
6 p.m. Tuesday, April 10
The George Washington Carver Museum and Cultural Center (map)
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March 20, 2007
Stephen Colbert takes on Willie Nelson tonight
Two weeks ago, Ben & Jerry’s released the new flavor Stephen Colbert’s AmeriCone Dream, advertised as “the sweet taste of liberty in your mouth.” Naturally, the satirical pundit was very proud of his new flavor and tipped his cap to the Vermont ice cream company. But the Colbert heart, or gut, as it were, is fickle. Ben & Jerry have recently drawn the scorn of Colbert with their release of the new flavor Willie Nelson’s Country Peach Cobbler, which swirls peach ice cream with cinnamon sugar shortbread pieces.
The übermoralist Colbert responded to the news with predictable outrage. “What is it made out of? Shredded tax forms and hash?”
According to FirstCoastNews.com, 250,000 pints of Willie’s flavor are being recalled “because containers packed on January 23-24 and February 8-9 failed to list wheat as an ingredient, making it dangerous for those with a wheat allergy.”
Colbert and the Red Headed Stranger will go toe-to-toe on The Colbert Report tonight at 10:30 p.m. on Comedy Central. Should be entertaining.
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March 5, 2007
'What chew talkin' ‘bout, Willis?'
Todd Bridges (aka Willis Jackson) let about 60 people know what Willis was talking about Saturday night at the Alamo Drafthouse Downtown. In addition to introducing screenings of three episodes of the 70’s and 80’s hit show “Diff’rent Strokes,” Bridges fielded questions from the audience.
Bridges regaled the audience with behind-the-scenes stories from the show, in addition to some anecdotes about living the fast and loose Hollywood lifestyle. Apparently the tagline made famous by Gary Coleman came from a typo that Coleman read verbatim, leading to riotous laughter from the show’s staff. After seeing the hilarious effects of the line, writers figured out a way to work the quip into each episode. Apparently Bridges’ diminutive co-star maintains some bitter resentment toward the show and his attachment to the character. He also has some very hard feelings towards Bridges, saying he will work with any actor not named Todd Bridges. Bridges has taken the slight in stride, although he could not refuse the chance to take a shot or two Coleman. “It’s not my fault his mom came on to me when I was 16,” Bridges told the crowd. “I even got the kid a job at Disney World at It’s a Small World.” Oh snap!
Though he joked that his life of drugs and petty crime came from “being raised by a rich white dude,” Bridges admitted that his widely publicized misguided life of drugs was a result of the gluttonous times and that most child stars of the ’70s and ’80s suffered from being taken advantage of by producers. “The secret of the entertainment industry is lifetime money,” he said. Bridges said that while producers and industry executives got rich off of the show’s success, he did not make enough money to last his lifetime. He went on to say that child stars of today have more avenues for making big bucks through parlaying their television work into film work and the like, an opportunity he said was forbidden of him while on “Diff’rent Strokes.”
Although Bridges endured painful times following his fame as a child actor, he also admitted that he got to reap quite a few rewards of stardom, including hanging regularly at the Playboy Mansion and dating Janet Jackson as a teenager. While he was somewhat tight-lipped about the nature of that relationship, he did admit that Janet’s older, much weirder, brother Michael used to try and “intimidate” him and even followed them on a date. Creepy. As Bridges said, “I wouldn’t send my kids over there (to Michael’s house).”
Bridges was gregarious throughout, if not completely coherent in developing arguments. In one such argument, he attempted to explain the difference between TV shows in the ’70s and ’80s versus now. His point seemed to be that comedies back then were situational, whereas now they focus on “jokes;” although he basically relied on the crutch, “Shows were different then, you know?” Um, ok, I’ll go with you on that one, Todd. More than willing to joke about his missteps and proudly speak about his 14 years of sobriety and exciting future in television (he has a small role on Chris Rock’s “Everybody Hates Chris” on the WB, for which Rock said he hired Bridges because he knocked out Vanilla Ice on “Celebrity Boxing”) and stand-up comedy, Bridges proved to be a former child star who has come to terms with his past and is loving the present.
Image taken from the Alamo Drafthouse
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