Austin360 blogs > Miss Adventure > Archives > 2007 > January > 17 > Entry
Champagne wishes, too
This was supposed to post Monday. Stay tuned tomorrow for my adventures in the storm.
There’s caviar in my hair and I blame the dog. I’ve been feeling a bit icky and under the weather recently and I’m doing my best to nip it in the bud before it turns into full blown death. Nipping it in the bud usually involves drinking vast quantities of scalding hot ginger tea from an old plaid thermos and making an inelegant swan dive into a vat of Vick’s Vaporub which -as far as I can tell— hasn’t done a darn thing except for making me smell like the inside of a cough drop. Oh, and eating Special Desickening Foods.
Andy Warhol reputedly ate Campbell’s Tomato Soup every day for lunch for five years because it helped his creative process. I’m not sure I believe it, but I can see the appeal. Not of Campbell’s Tomato Soup — that stuff is on a vile level somewhere between those sugar-free candies my grandmother used to keep in her purse and the stuff between a homeless guy’s toes — but I suppose I understand. Certain foods elicit certain physical and psychological responses. For example: Everyone knows the hot and sour soup from Wanfu Too — aside from being the best in town—has magical smartening properties, especially when consumed after midnight when your woefully incomplete term paper is due the next morning, and that après-club pancakes from IHOP, doused liberally with magenta syrup, will greatly reduce your risk of leaving ill-advised voicemails containing the phrase “ANDLETMETELLYOUANOTHERTHINGABOUTYOU” to people who, technically, are the boss of you.
In the same vein, sour cream and cheap caviar, all wooshed together (what? I’ve been watching Cabaret)and consumed on Ruffles potato chips has magic unplaguing powers the likes of which are rarely heard outside a Sunday morning sermon. As a person of faith, I find it’s my responsibility to eat as much of this concoction — a pal calls it my Republican Comfort Food— as I can. The trick is, when I’m sick, I can’t eat very much at a time, and I usually have to take a bit of a nap before I’m done, which leaves the poor food-covered tea tray to defend itself against two dogs who act as if they’ve never been fed in the lives, or at least not in the past five minutes of it.
That’s how I ended up with caviar in my hair. I fell asleep on my lovely red couch and woke up covered in fish eggs and dairy product. I’m not sure which one of the dogs actually did it, I suspect Dozer, who is wise in the ways of the world — and also tall enough to reach the tea tray — but it’s possible that it’s the newcomer, my baby bulldog, Thomas. He is English, you know… might have just gotten tired of waiting for his tea and decided to help himself.
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