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January 7, 2011
Work/life balance regrets
Hindsight is both a luxury and a path to torment.
I just finished reading “Pinched: Regrets of a stay-at-home mom” on Salon.com, and while I feel the author’s pain (unemployed, recently divorced with two teenaged boys) I take issue with her implication that stay-at-home mothers are clueless about what they doing.
While I’m sure that some have drunk the Kool-Aid that says their lives are guaranteed to turn out roses if they stay home to nurture their children, most know that they are taking a very calculated risk by opting out of the job market.
This is not to say that finding yourself totally on your own after spending a decade home schooling is not terrifying. I know women who are currently trying to patch together incomes, health insurance and stability for the children after widowhood or divorce. It sucks, it is scary and always unplanned. But I also know stay-at-home moms in good marriages, who are still quite aware that the life they have chosen makes them very vulnerable. I’ve also seen the stress that comes when a working mother considers changing the wage earning structure of the household.
One friend, who has five kids now and home schools, told me once that after No. 3 she was kept up nights with the realization that if something were to happen to her husband or her marriage, she would be hard pressed to manage it all on her own. Another friend, facing an impending divorce, is working three part time jobs and trying to figure out how to work in nursing classes with single parenting. She still believes that she made the right choice, given the information she had at the time.
Parents have lots of choices to make and almost all of them are calculated risks — where should we live, what school do we send our kids to, should I stay home, should I work part time, should I take this promotion, should we move for a spouse’s (or my) career. Over the course of the 18 or so years our kids are in our care, the choices are endless and not without consequences.
Staying at home for women (and men) will put a whammy on your earning potential. You can’t argue with the stats on that. Just having kids, as the author points out, affects a woman’s earning potential. But suggesting that the 5 million stay at home moms in this country are unaware that they are playing a sort of high stakes lottery? I don’t think so.
Becoming a mother has historically been a gamble. There are just too many variables. And when mothers lose, they tend to lose big given the societal, financial and biological realities of bearing children. But then again, you can’t win if you don’t play the game. And if the Salon author’s gamble had worked out (a successful marriage, searching for work in a healthier economy, or perhaps entered another field besides journalism) we’d be reading a very different story.
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August 17, 2010
When the family joins the circus
As a working mom, my imagination often strays to what other moms do to make their careers and families work.
The nurse who works the night shift. The flight attendant who is gone for days at a time. The human cannonball from the circus.
I don’t know about the first two, but last week I got to interview Tina Miser, one of the two female cannonballs with the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus, which opens in Austin tomorrow. (The Zing Zang Zoom tour is in town through Sunday.)
Miser, pictured above on the elephant, talked to me by phone while driving around the Dallas area looking for a place to get her hair done with her mother.
Miser, her husband and her 6-year-old daughter Skyler live in a trailer about 50 weeks a year, traveling with the circus. They’ve been traveling like this since Skyler was 3 months old.
“This is all she’s ever known. We start packing up our trailer and go to another town. The big question is “Am I going to get to park next to my friends?”
Skyler goes to school with the 11 other school-age children who travel with the circus, and stays in the circus nursery during performances. (Dad works the cannon. Mom, a former Air Force reservist, gets shot out of it along with her partner Ekaterina Borzikova.) Both sets of grandparents have RVs, so when they come “visit” they just park next to the trailer. She also gets ballet lessons from the Brazilian dancers and has already picked up a few trampoline tricks, which of course makes Mom nervous.
“She did a front flip on the trampoline at home (in Indiana) and I nearly had a heart attack,” Miser said.
Miser said the arrangement works well.
“I know a lot of working moms struggle with having to leave your child in day care for 8 hours a day,” she said. “Skyler is in the nursery for the show 3 hours a day — more if we have two shows. But in between acts or shows I can go in and out of the nursery. It is fortunate for circus families because we get to spend more time with each other.”
On their days off?
“We try to do something educational or fun. I have a friend in Austin who is in a local play and we’ll go to see her and get some barbecue. What else would you do in Austin?”
Photos: Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus
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January 11, 2010
The Internet: A mom's best friend
For Christmas I got a Kindle and I have to say that while I do miss the tactile pleasure of books and magazines, the gadget has more than made up for that deficit in sheer volume of material read.
I can read the New York Times and the Statesman one-handed while I feed Elizabeth, which means that for the first time in many weeks I was able to get through both the New York Times magazine and the Week in Review on Sunday.
Which brings me to one piece from his week’s magazine “Medium: Home Tool,” which puts forth the argument that women may have benefited the most from the arrival of the Internet and it accompanying hardware.
Brushing aside the article’s unnecessary digs at stay-at-home moms, I think writer Virginia Heffernan has a great point:
For real. The dishwasher, the washing machine and the pill were supposed to liberate us from something, but the superduper Internet, alone among the great 20th-century technologies, has really nailed it.
Being able to work from home on occasion has been a lifeline for me and a boon to my employer. After all, someone has to stay home with the sick kid, but the ability to stay connected means that work at the office doesn’t have to come to a halt while it waits for my child’s immune system to kick into gear. (Works great for dads, too, of course.)
It also allows me to order the diapers we’re almost out of on Amazon, rather than try to make a quick break to the store. I can make doctor’s appointment for the whole family via the Web, and as this blog proves, I can come up with reasonable blog items while nursing my four-month-old.
The Internet isn’t perfect, but I’d be even more exhausted without it.
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December 18, 2009
Surviving a business trip
No, I’m not the one who went on a business trip for a week. My husband did.
And if there was ever any question about how much he does at home, the answer is: A lot.
I’ll preface this by saying that I know people do this all the time. In fact, my sister-in-law’s husband traveled pretty much non-stop after their second child (who is 15 months younger than their first.)
I simply wasn’t prepared for the roller coaster ride that is having a full-time job and being a full-time single parent.
Admittedly, the timing was pretty bad.
This is only my second week back in the office full-time and I’m still working out the rhythm of getting out the door on time with help, much less solo. The 2-year-old isn’t sleeping well because of her recent fear of the dark and various house noises. The 3-month-old is sleeping — well, like a 3-month-old sleeps. Which all means, I got very little sleep all week.
I’ll be honest, I’m not proud of this week’s results. With most things, I can make something work out of sheer determination and good planning. Little kids can make the best laid plans moot. And relying on a 2-year-old to do something just because mom asked her to is perilous.
The lowest point: Ayanna wailing in the bathroom because I yelled at her to let me brush her teeth, which made Elizabeth cry, which made me cry because I don’t normally yell like that. (This episode is still being played back to me because Ayanna has since started yelling at the baby again to stop crying.)
That day it took us 2 1/2 hours to get every one dressed warmly, fed, dosed with various medicines and out the door with bottles, breast pump, lunch and work gear.
The smartest things I did: Made enough dinner to go two rounds, and just added various vegetables.
Things I’ve learned:
We will never again get shoes that the toddler can’t put on herself.
Babies will always need a diaper change just as you are about to walk out the door.
Cartoons in the morning only slow things down at this age. Might be a different story when she can dress herself reliably.
Put the items you need in the morning in a place where the toddler can not reach them. So then you won’t spend 10 minutes trying to find your keys or your breast pump parts.
If you have a garage, leave the kids’ coats in the car. It will save time finding them and make the children easier to buckle into their car seats.
There is no shame in calling in reinforcements. My father-in-law was gracious enough to take the three of us out to dinner last night. It was a good outlet for Ayanna, who I think has had quite enough of being told to be quiet because the baby is sleeping.
Suggestions?
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December 2, 2009
Returning to work: A practice run
Today is the last day of my maternity leave.
The last 12 weeks have really flown. I’m not entirely sure where the time went. With my first baby, three months felt like an eternity. With Elizabeth, not so much.
This morning was our practice run for day care. The whole family got up, dressed, fed and out the door on time by some miracle. It was a joint effort, since Ayanna, the toddler, informed me that she wasn’t getting dressed to go to school while I was nursing the baby. Dad took over, dressed the toddler before heading to the office himself, thus avoiding a major throwdown.
Dropping Elizabeth off this morning was not nearly as emotionally draining as it was with Ayanna at the same age. I’ve been preparing for the better part of a week — labeling bottles, weaning her for daytime formula feedings (The breast pump is my enemy and has failed to actually pump any milk.), setting aside extra clothing.
The lack of angst probably has something to do with the fact that she’s going to the same school as her big sister. We know most of the teachers at the center and have visited the infant room many times. There is relief in the lack of unknowns and just a small bit of anxiety over finally seeing what our new reality is going to be like during the work week.
Ayanna seemed pleased that Elizabeth was going to school and even tried to carry the car seat which weighs nearly as much as she does. As a consolation prize I put her in charge of carrying Elizabeth’s bottles, a job she performed with gusto.
After I dropped both kids off, I sat in the drive-thru line at Starbucks — mostly because I could without setting off Elizabeth’s howls at being stopped for more than 60 seconds. I loitered in the grocery store, comparing prices for the new items that we’ve added to our grocery list over the past three months (soy formula, Cetaphil lotion, indoor food for our fat cat.) And I am now typing this blog without keeping one ear open for Elizabeth’s cries.
It probably also helps that today is just a half day for her, as will the rest of this week.
But it is still strange. And I expect next week to be even stranger as I transition from half days to full days at the office — praying that my milk holds out in the evenings and hoping that sleep deprivation hasn’t killed all my non-mom brain cells.
But then, soon enough, it will all be normal. Crazy and hectic, but normal.
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November 17, 2009
Working moms more likely to lose custody?
Once upon a time, moms almost also won primary custody in divorce disputes. There was a presumption that by their nature women were better suited to raise young children. Dads got weekends and were required to pay child support.
Dads pretty much had to prove that the mother was incompetent or a danger to the child, not just that the child would be better off with him.
As an article in Working Mother magazine explores this month, things have changed. According to the writer, it is not uncommon for fathers seeking primary custody to win primary custody 50 percent of the time.
The article goes on to argue that this shift is more than just an equalization of roles or a delayed recognition that dads are perfectly capable parents, too.
According to the article:
As progressive as we think we are, the courts haven’t fully grasped the many roles of working mothers. “Culturally embedded attitudes and roles are hard to change,” maintains Diana Dale, founder of the Houston-based WorkLife Institute. “Sometimes it takes three or four generations to make the attitude and behavior shifts.” Today’s working women still face pressure to function in the traditional mother mode—even after a day at the office, says Ken Neumann, PhD, a New York City psychologist and divorce mediator. “Working mothers have a really bad deal because they have to do everything,” he says. “We don’t put that kind of pressure on men except in unusual circumstances.”
On the other hand, dads have long fought for this kind of recognition, putting in miles as primary caregiver and logging hours on PTAs, in soccer stands and in the family kitchen.
My brother is embroiled in his own custody battle. He is seeking primary custody of his one-year-old son. He’s a great dad. Having already pretty much raised one son on his own, I would think he’s got a solid case. But as a mom, I can also put myself in the shoes of my nephew’s mother. It is difficult to fathom that someone else can do as good a job of raising your child as you.
So, do you think the pendulum has swung too far in custody disputes involving working mothers. Are women held to higher standards?
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September 23, 2009
Opt out? Not necessarily
After three weeks of helping out with the toddler and new baby, my mother has headed home to Virginia.
In addition to helping out with the loads of laundry, dinners and other household details that I just wasn’t up to doing, we also got to talk a little bit about the choices she made.
The biggest suprise for me was that if she had a chance to do it all over again, she would not have opted out of the workforce when my brother and I were young.
My mother started her career as a high school home economics teacher. It seemed like a portable enough career, since she had married a young airman that she had met in college. She was a textiles and design major, who had originally hoped to become a fashion buyer. But knowing that there would be many assignments and many moves, it seemed reasonable that teachers would always be in demand somewhere.
And for the first three years of motherhood, it worked out. She taught high school in Anchorage, Alaska, and had two small children. The pay was pretty good, since teachers were hard to come by in relatively remote Anchorage. Her salary paid for in-home day care and helped balance the rest of the family budget.
But then my dad was stationed in North Dakota. It was a small town. The pay for teachers was less than stellar, and all the gigs in desirable schools were filled with teachers with seniority in the school district. She did the budget math and decided to become a stay-at-home mother.
She was a substitute teacher off and on over the years, but for the most part, she stayed home with us. It made more sense than starting over careerwise every time my father got a new assignment. But when she tried to re-enter the workforce 17 years later, it was tough. Despite the substitute teaching and various volunteer positions, her skills were outdated and good paying job offers were few and far between.
“I would never advise a young woman to do what I did,” she told me last week. “If something had happened to your father or his job, we would have been up a creek.” The message hit home when I saw the New York Times story this weekend about women who had opted out for family reasons heading back to work.
Of course the moral of the story is not to forgo staying home if it makes sense for your family and your check book, but if you do, experts warn that you should stay current with you contacts and find ways (part-time or contract work) to keep your skills fresh in your field.
You never know when you’ll have to dust that resume off again.
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September 22, 2009
Dell makes list of top companies for working mothers
Even in the midst of the economic downturn, local tech companies have kept their hold on offering the best benefits to working mothers, according to Working Mother magazine’s annual list of the top 100 companies.
Round Rock-based Dell made the list for the second year in a row. Other tech companies with offices here in Austin on the list include, IBM (which made the top 10), Accenture, Cisco Systems, Intel and Texas Instruments.
All of the companies on the list offer flextime, on-site lactation rooms and telecommuting; and 98 percent offering job-sharing and wellness programs, according to the magazine.
By contrast, national numbers are dismal, with just 11 percent of companies offering stress reduction programs (vs. 96 percent of the 100 Best), 16 percent offering job-sharing (vs. 98 percent of the 100 Best), 25 percent offering on-site lactation (vs. 100 percent of the 100 Best), and 35 percent offering health insurance for part-timers (vs. 99 percent of the 100 Best).
The list and profiles of all the companies are in the October issue of Working Mother and online.
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August 6, 2009
Austin: Second best city for working mothers
So says ForbesWoman. New York City came in first. Here’s the story.
They cited parents’ love of schools, health-care quality, unemployment rate, cost of living, city parks and low crime as to why Austin was up on the list. ForbesWoman also said, “Professional moms have their pick of career paths, including academics at the University of Texas, state government and big tech outfits like Dell and Samsung.” One ding on the magazine… Butler Park? Town Lake? It’s Zilker Park and now Lady Bird Lake.
New York’s public education system and the amount they spend on it gave that city the edge.
How would you rate Austin for working mothers?
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June 25, 2009
Founder of Austin's BabbleSoft says it's time to move on
For all the moms who daydream about being able to take their ideas and turn them into a business, it is important to remember that mom entrepreneurs have the same struggles as the rest of us.
Aruni Gunasegaram, the founder of Austin-based BabbleSoft, which makes a variety of parenting-related software, posted today that she is looking for someone to take over the business.
She’s been running BabbleSoft, which has two iPhone apps Just Say Cheese and Baby Insights in addition to some web-based applications, with partner Nicole Johnson on a part-time basis while juggling two kids and another full time job.
We are both discovering that Building A Web Business After Hours is hard to do with two small kids around. And doubly hard when two ventures are trying to get off the ground in one household.
Gunasegaram says later:
Motherhood is not always peaches & cream and being a mom entrepreneur adds a little extra challenge to the process so sometimes it’s the hard calls that can make the difference in a company’s and person’s success.
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June 5, 2009
Paid maternity leave for federal workers?
Federal workers are one step closer to getting paid maternity/paternity leaves. A bill passed by the U.S. House last night night, largely along party lines, would grant four weeks of paid leave to new parents, according to the Washington Post.
The thing that gets me in the debate over the issue is the idea that federal workers will bear or adopt children just so they can get four weeks of vacation. Have any of these people stayed home with a newborn for four weeks? Or helped an adopted child make the transition to a new home?
It’s hardly a vacation, folks, and after you calculate hospital costs and other expenses associated with bringing another child home, getting your regular pay check is not like winning the lottery. For most of us, it just means you get to pay your mortgage for another month without dipping into your savings.
The United States is one of only five countries that don’t guarantee some sort of paid family leave for workers, according to a report by researchers at McGill and Harvard universities. (The others countries are Lesotho, Liberia, Swaziland and Papua New Guinea.)
Of course, the fear of many who oppose the current proposal is that eventually Congress will mandate paid leave in the private sector. And even though most Fortune 500 companies already offer some sort of paid leave, the business community, especially smaller businesses, say the costs of such a policy could crush them, especially in these tough economic times.
It is true, all benefits come with a price tag: In this case the new form of paid leave for federal workers would cost $938 million over five years, according to estimates by the Congressional Budget Office. However, since employee salaries are already in the budget, the measure would not require any additional direct spending, if approved by the Senate.
Should paid family leave be guaranteed, and if so, for how long?
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March 26, 2009
Maybe you can have it all, and he can, too
A new study from the Family and Work Institute shows real progress in gender equality at home and at work.
Here are some of the highlights:
— Women in dual-earner couples are contributing more to family income. In 1997 women contributed an average of 39% of annual family income. That figure rose to 44% in 2008. In 2008, 26% of women living in dual-earner couples had annual earnings at least 10 percentage points higher than that of spouses/partners, up from 15% in 1997.
— Among Millennials (under 29 years old), women are just as likely as men to want jobs with greater responsibility. In 1992, 80% of men and 72% of women under the age of 29 wanted jobs with greater responsibility. Today the figure is 67% of men and 66% of women. The figure reached its low point for both genders in 1997.
— Today, there is no difference between young women with and without children in their desire to move to jobs with more responsibility. Whereas 60% of women under 29 with children and 78% of women without children wanted jobs with more responsibility in 1992, today the percentages are 69% (with children) and 66% (without children).
— Men and women are both less likely to embrace traditional gender roles. Only 41% of employees in 2008 believe it is better “if the man earns the money and the woman takes care of the home and children,” down from 64% in 1977. The drop is even more pronounced among men (74% to 42% versus 52% to 39% of women). Now there is no statistical difference between men and women in their views.
— Greater proportions of both men and women agree that employed women can be good mothers. In 1977, 49% of men agreed (strongly or somewhat) that a mother who works outside the home can have just as good a relationship with her children as a mother who does not work. Today, 67% agree. From 1977 to 2008, the percentage of women agreeing moved from 71% in to 80%. Both men and women who grew up with employed mothers exhibit greater acceptance of working mothers than those whose mothers did not work outside the home.
— Employed fathers, especially Millennials, are spending more time with children today than their age counterparts did three decades ago, where as employed mothers’ time has not changed significantly. On average employed fathers of all ages spend 3.0 hours per workday with children under 13 today compared with 2.0 hours in 1977. For employed mothers of all ages, time spent with children has remained at 3.8 hours. Today’s Millennial fathers spend 4.3 hours per workday compared with the 2.4 hours spent by their age counterparts in 1977. Mothers under 29 today average 5.0 hours compared with 4.5 hours in 1977.
— Men are taking more overall responsibility for the care of their children. In 1992, 21% of women said that their spouses or partners were taking as much or more responsibility for the care of their children as they were. By 2008, that percentage has risen to 31%. Interestingly, 49% of men reported taking as much or more responsibility for the children as their wives, indicating a perception gap.
— Changing gender roles appear to have increased the level of work life conflict experienced by men. Men’s work-life conflict has increased significantly from 34% in 1977 to 45% in 2008, while women’s work-life conflict has risen less dramatically and not significantly from 34% to 39%.
— Fathers in dual-earner couples experience more work life conflict than mothers . In 1977, 35% reported experiencing some or a lot of conflict. In 2008, that figure has risen to 59%. The level of conflict experienced by mothers in dual-earner families has not changed significantly during that time period (41% in 1977 and 45% in 2008).
Are you noticing a change in your house? In my house, my husband is actually with the kids more than I am. He picks them up after school and has a good four hours with them before I get home. But, while we both work full-time, he’s still the top wage earner, but not by much.
Does he do more housework than I do? Well… maybe, maybe not. We have our expertises. He’s the trash guy. I’m the dishes girl. He’s the person who straightens up. I’m the toilet scrubber. We split the laundry duties. Do I wish he’d do more? Yes. Does he wish I’d do more? Probably.
Is our house different than the house I grew up in? Not really. My parents were really good role models for sharing the load once my mom went back to work. But, I love that my daughter and son will see two generations before them that have split the work. I love that my daughter might have more of a chance of earning the same as a man in her profession.
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March 18, 2009
Are you an Economom?
This week’s Time features a story on Economoms — stay-at-home moms who are now re-entering the work force because of the economy. Often these are women whose husbands have been laid off or have seen a decrease in pay. Sometimes these moms are looking for flexible hours (part time), which might actually be an asset to their job searches. Employers save on benefits; moms bring home some bacon.
Are you an Economom? How’s the job searching going? Have you successfully re-entered the work force? Any advice?
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January 29, 2009
When Girl Scouts invade
Like any large office, we have parents of Brownies and Girl Scouts who sell boxes of cookies from their desk. Personally, I’m thrilled. I get to buy cookies from families that I know to support girls I know.
I know there are workers throughout the world that begin the collective groan when they see these girls/parents coming.
Should the Girl Scouts cookie sale be kept out of the office?
Full disclosure: My son, a wolf cub in Boy Scouts, sold more than $400 in popcorn to the newsroom on Columbus Day. I made him do the asking, though.
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October 24, 2008
Bad dreams, the economy and babies
Ever since the stock market hit the skids this fall, my dreams have taken a turn towards the bizarre.
Last night I dreamt that an Austin Police Department cruiser crashed through the garage, and while we tried to track down the cruiser, someone looted our house — the TV, the coffee maker and kitchen table.
As the dream continued and I bemoaned the loss of our stuff, my co-worker (Charity Chat blogger Andrea Ball) leaned over and asked if we were going to have any more puppies. Even in my subconscious state, I knew that puppies (we don’t have a dog) were really code for babies.
There is a bit of a baby boom at the Statesman these days. Two of my co-workers are about to give birth to their second kid. One of my close friends in Washington, D.C., whose son is only five months older than Ayanna, sent me an email this week saying that No. 2 was due in April.
Now that Ayanna is walking and talking, I’m getting the question more and more — “Are you going to have another?”
The plan was always to have at least two kids. But frankly, right now, the idea alternately makes me wistful and scares the dickens out of me. My pregnancy was not pleasant, working and mommying one toddler is stressful enough, and you have to be living in a cave to not know that the economy is in the tank — along our longterm savings. And, oh yeah, the company my husband and I work for is about to be sold.
Of course, we could wait until things are more financially certain, but I’m almost 35. That little clock is getting louder by the second. Both my husband and I have siblings relatively close in age, and ideally would like the same for Ayanna.
But, for now, we wait.
I hear the same thing from others. Bloggers at the Motherlode (New York Times) and Working Parents (Business Week) are all pondering the same thing this week. I doubt it’s an accident.
How has economic uncertainty affected your family size plans?
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September 23, 2008
Dell makes list for top firms for working moms
Working Mother magazine issued its top 100 list for the best companies of 2008.
First the good news: For the first time Round Rock-based Dell made the list, largely for it’s variety and depth of flex time programs.
The bad news: As pointed out by The Juggle blogger Sue Shellenbarger, a disturbing number of companies on the list are at the heart of the national financial crisis (Fannie Mae, Merrill Lynch, Freddie Mac and Lehman Brothers.)
What does this mean for coporate work balance programs? According to Shellebarger, it’s hard to say.
It all raises questions about the future of work-life benefits in general. Merrill’s shotgun marriage is with another Working Mother winner, Bank of America; a BofA spokesman said it’s too early to tell what impact the merger will have on family-friendly policies. However, BofA hasn’t shown any signs of backing off; last April, it expanded its paid paternity, maternity and adoption leave, as well as tuition and child-care reimbursements. At Goldman, a spokeswoman said yesterday (Monday) that work-life benefits will remain unchanged by the change in its structure, but declined to comment on whether cost cuts will ensue.
It does make me a little less envious when looking at the list, though. As much as I’d like accesss to in-home back up child care, like that offered at Fannie Mae, I’ll pass if it costs me my job.
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September 19, 2008
Laid off? A whole new set of parental anxieties
Pretty much every working mom I know has THE day dream. You know, the one, where you chuck the job, stay at home and live a simpler and happier life?
The trouble is that A) any stay-at-home mom will tell you that it’s not perfect bliss, and B) if it’s foisted on you in the form of “downsizing” it can be more anxiety producing than the job that drove you nuts. In fact, THE “dream” can quickly become THE “nightmare.”
Mommy Track’d writer Susannah Murdock talks a bit about what life is like two weeks into her life on the other side of the pink slip.
There are decisions to be made: How much day care to keep to apply for jobs and not lose your spot so that you have care when employed again. What can be cut from the family budget to make that severance go as far as possible? And how to plan for the off chance that no job is found before the severance runs out.
And there is the small matter of self image. I know, it plagues anyone who has been laid off, but moms have often made gut wrenching decisions to stay in the work force and carefully defined what terms that includes. The feeling of floating in occupational outer space for any length of time can be disconcerting and surreal.
For all of their carefully-crafted scheduling to make life work with plans for on-ramping and off-ramping, a sudden stop can be jolting. And it isn’t helped by well-meaning people who say “Well now you can spend time with your kids.” While true, not exactly what any recently unemployed parent wants to hear. As if you were being derelict by having a job in the first place.
How did you handle being laid off? What surprised you about your feelings as it relates to parenting?
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September 17, 2008
Working moms online, lurkers vs. posters
There’s been a mini-explosion on one of my online communities for working moms.
The group of about 300 moms tends to mostly be a bulletin board for kid-friendly events in town and the occasional happy hour. One of the members suggested that we clamp down on security and think about removing people who are inactive for long periods of time.
For a group with so many “inactive” members, the lurkers (including myself) sprung to the surface. The general consensus “Don’t throw us out, we’re just too busy with (work, kids, volunteering, etc.) to respond to everyone. We still want to be connected, we just don’t have time to talk right now.”
With all the hubbub over Mommy bloggers (see this New York Times article on the subject) as a place for advertisers to seek their fortunes, I’ve seen relatively little on the difference in online behaviors of moms who work outside the home and stay at home moms.
Working moms may spend more face time with their computer terminals, but that doesn’t necessarily translate into postings or the same level of social networking on places like Twitter. Most of the people who regularly correspond with me on my Twitter account are a) mommy blogging journalists, b) stay-at-home/homeschool moms and c) and the circle of friends I talk to in real life as well. Based on the folks around town who tell me they are reading Mama Drama regularly, I suspect there are plenty of lurkers out there.
Whether it’s online or offline, connecting with other working moms is difficult. There just isn’t time for a 40-plus hour work week, family life and maintaining vast support networks. At least with online communities, working moms can listen in on the conversations we’re missing on the playground, at play dates and in the school parking lot.
How do you stay connected online or in the ‘hood?
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September 2, 2008
There should be a law about sick leave?
This from a CNN.com story:
Some 46 million U.S. workers lack paid sick days, but lawmakers in 12 states — including California, Connecticut, Minnesota and West Virginia — have proposed legislation in the past year that would require businesses to provide them.
Do you get paid sick leave at your work? If you don’t what do you do if you or your child gets sick? If you do, can you realistically take a sick day for your child?
Sick leave sometimes pits the parents against the nonparents at work. Those who don’t have kids or whose children have long fled the nest, can become resentful while covering for a co-worker. Those who do have children, feeling that resentment, try to overcompensate by working extra another time … or send their sick children dosed up on Tylenol, hoping to not get the call from school or day care.
Should paid sick days become a law?
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August 29, 2008
Sarah Palin Who?
I have to admit I was more than a little pleased that I actually knew who Sarah Palin was, when it was announced that the Alaska governor would be Sen. John McCain’s running mate.
I wrote about Palin in this blog back in March, when her state was reeling from finding out that she was pregnant seven months into her pregnancy. That baby, who is named Trig and has Down’s Syndrome, is Palin’s fifth. Her oldest son is scheduled to deploy soon to Iraq.
I’m not saying who I’m voting for and this isn’t really a political blog, but having a working mom as vice president is certainly an interesting prospect. But I suspect Palin would find the work culture in Washington, D.C., a big difference from Juneau, Alaska.
But then again, this is a woman who was in the office the day after giving birth to one of her children as mayor. So to my mind, she’s not someone to be trifled with on that alone.
And while McCain may be riding high on his surprise pick, who is pro-life, pro-gun and a maverick in her own right, I suspect the 44-year-old mom might have a thing or two to teach McCain in the next few months — considering he got nailed a few months ago by Los Angeles Times reporter Maeve Reston on his votes on birth control coverage.
What do you think?
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August 28, 2008
Confessions of a multitasking mom
Today I painted my toenails. Yesterday I paid bills. A few months ago I made chicken soup in a crockpot at my desk to take to a sick friend.
I know why I do it. Between the kids and the high-maintenance older dog and the husband, I can’t get it all done at home. I also can’t get a minute of quiet at home.
What at-home chores have you brought into the work place?
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August 12, 2008
Austin firms gets kudos from Working Mother mag
Two Texas law firms earned notice this week by Working Mother Magazine as being among the best law firms for working mothers.
Being a working mom is tough enough, but being in a profession where success is measured in billable hours is often too much for female associates trying to find some work/life balance.
Vinson & Elkins and Andrews Kurth, both based in Houston, got the nod from the magazine and its partner Flex-Time Lawyers LLC, a consulting group that promotes family friendly practices.
In a statement, Karen Hirschman, Vinson & Elkins lawyer had this to say:
“We have aspired to be a leader in this area since our initiative was founded. V&E has accomplished much but there is much left to do. ”
I asked Flex-Time Lawyers founder and president Deborah Epstein Henry what made Vinson & Elkins so special, since it has a big presence here in Austin with more than 100 lawyers.
Leadership: Women are well represented on some of the most influential committees, including associate compensation and management committees.
Help for new moms: New moms are offered the option of easing back into their schedules over three months and matched with a mentor who is also a working mother.
Policies: The firm has just revamped its flextime policies for better coordination and has an external advisory committee that considers ways to promote the advancement of women.
“There are critical junctures where women leave the profession and after maternity leave is one of them,” Henry said.
Although, not as big a player in Austin, Andrews Kurth also has some initiatives worth taking note of, especially allowing employees who opt to reduce their hours to stay on the partner track. Two women have done so in the past two years.
“Being named one of the top 50 firms for women reflects the value we place on personal as well as professional fulfillment,” said partner Meredith Mouer in a statement. “Being a parent and working as a lawyer is not easy. Andrews Kurth provides our attorneys with the tools and resources necessary to develop a successful practice while maintaining a healthy lifestyle outside the office.”
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August 6, 2008
Study: Childless, stay at home wives on the rise
The moment a couple moves in together they are making a deal, whether they discuss it or not. Marriage sometimes changes the deal, sometimes it doesn’t.
Talk about love all you want, but the deal is about income and what arrangements will be made to split the bills and the household workload. So, maybe I’m not a true feminist when I say that this CNN article about childless, stay-at-home wives, makes me yawn.
Apparently the numbers are on the rise, according to a new study:
Dr. Scott Haltzman, author of “The Secrets of Happily Married Women,” says stay-at-home wives constitute a growing niche. “In the past few years, many women who are well-educated and trained for career tracks have decided instead to stay at home,” he says. While his research is ongoing, he estimates that more than 10 percent of the 650 women he’s interviewed who choose to stay home are childless.
The blogsphere is annoyed that these women exist. My reply? That’s the deal they struck, regardless of their reasons for doing so. The women’s rights movement was all about giving women choices — the choice to work, the choice to work and have babies, the choice to not work and have babies AND not have children or go to the office, if your circumstances allow.
Now regardless of the deals we strike, the ideal ones allow for renegotiation. My mom changed her deal as a stay at home wife/mom and went back to work in her 50s. Working moms off ramp for their kids and some decide to stay there.
Is there a double standard for men? Yep, but it goes back to the deal you struck. If both partners are happy with the arrangement and you can afford it, who am I to judge? Just don’t make me take your deal.
What do you think?
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August 1, 2008
Real tips for working moms
If you do a search for working moms and advice, a lot of what you come across are radical suggestions to change your life. Things like flex scheduling, renegotiating your hours at work and working from home.
Good ideas, yes. But for moms looking for suggestions on how to make their lives easier NOW, a few more immediate solutions might be nice. WorkItMom has a great tip list up right now for making the “second shift” easier. My favorite is keeping a nutritious snack in the care. I skipped lunch yesterday for perhaps the umpteenth time, trying to squeeze in a few more tasks before I turned into a pumpkin at 5 p.m. and had to run out the door for the day care pickup.
I always regret it, because when I get home I launch immediately into getting dinner ready for Ayanna and the household routine. Yesterday I wound up eating a Snickers ice cream bar, telling myself that the peanuts in it would keep me from crashing as hard off the sugar. Yeah, I know. Having a granola bar handy for the ride home, would have been awesome.
So, WorkItMom Tip No. 3:
Keep a snack in the car. Something healthy that can give you lasting energy — a fruit-and-nut mix, granola bars, an apple, a protein bar — will help you get through the next several hours. Avoid energy drinks and anything high in refined sugars; you might enjoy a rush of energy for a little while, but the crash that comes afterward will just make your “second shift” more difficult.
While you are checking out the rest of the tips on their site, if you are nursing, check out the list of 10 things a nursing mom should bring to the office. (Hint: one item is a towel to muffle the blasted noise from your pump.)
Got any tips of your own, to make the evenings go easier after a hard day at work?
Photo: Snickers
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July 23, 2008
Working from home, more than spam filter dreams
Every now and again, I take a look at the junk that my spam filter has trapped. One or two e-mails are legit messages that have gone astray, and then there are the hundreds of promises of various pharmaceuticals, medical procedures for men and get rich quick scams.
A few are targeted specifically to stay-at-home moms, offering thousands of dollars for working from home, usually as a telemarketer. The Work & Family column for the Wall Street Journal took the subject on and found that some of the job opportunities are real, but they take a huge amount of work to get a payoff.
The column by Sue Shellenbarger offers a fairly wide assortment of Web sites that offer telemarketing, freelance or outsourcing opportunities for professionals with marketable skills. One of the sites she highlights is Womenforhire.com, which specializes in connecting professional women with jobs, both inside and outside the home.
Shellenbarger warns that competition for at-home-work and clients can be quite intense.
The article also offers a resource box for finding trustworthy, work-at-home opportunities, rather than relying on the spam that finds its way to your desk. Including the following resources:
- bbbonline.org and click on “For Consumers.”
- WomenForHire.com, offers resources and ideas on working from home.
- FTC.gov, type “work at home scam” in search box.
How did you find you work-at-home gig?
Photo: Womenforhire.com
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July 14, 2008
Dreams and nightmares of a four-day work week
Reporter Regina Dennis writes about how the four-day, 40-hour work week is catching on for employers as energy costs continue to soar.
In fact, state workers in Utah will go to a mandatory four-day workweek this fall, which for most means four 10-hour days. Hays County is considering a similar move for its employees to help deal with commuting costs.
On one hand it sounds like a dream … three-day weekends sound so enticing. But while flex scheduling often includes this kind of arrangement, making it mandatory can also cause daycare nightmares for working parents.
For example, my husband works fairly unpredictable hours in Round Rock, so I have to do the daycare drop and pickup downtown. Tacking on and extra hour or two to my workday is pretty much impossible with my daycare arrangements — the center isn’t open at 6 a.m. and I’m already picking Ayanna up just before closing. A 10-hour work day means, in many cases, 11 or 12 hours in daycare (gotta eat lunch sometime). That’s a long time, and many centers won’t allow it.
In-home care is a more flexible option, but that still means more than a 10-hour day for your provider. Many in-home caregivers are also parents, and the end of the workday means they have to take care of myriad things that keep their own households running.
Even if I had someone who could watch Ayanna in the evening hours, there is the small matter of her natural bedtime seems to be 7:30 p.m., sometimes earlier. It’s all I can do to get her home, fed, bathed and down for bed before she dissolves into crankiness.
Could you make a 10-hour work day work for your family? And if you already have one, how do you keep childcare covered?
Image: Wichita Eagle
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July 2, 2008
Snowballs in July
As a single person without a child I was my own self-contained island. I rarely got sick, and when I did it usually wasn’t bad enough to warrant taking a day off.
Now that I’m a mom, I’ve been introduced to the concept that one problem can quickly snowball into many problems. Snowball A: Last weekend Ayanna and I were supposed to drive to Dallas for a mother-daughter trip to meet some of the other moms I’ve been corresponding with online. My husband was going to get some alone time and I was going to do some much needed mom-bonding.
Thursday, the day before we were supposed to leave, Ayanna came down with a stomach bug. My vacation day became a sick day and we stayed home. By Sunday evening I was sick as well, which meant on Monday (the day I was supposed to fill in for my boss who is on vacation this week) I was unable to eat or stand up for long periods of time. Snowball B: This morning I arrived at daycare to drop off my daughter to find the door to the baby room locked. It seems that the early morning teacher overslept by accident, leaving several moms in business attire sitting confused in the front of the daycare with small children in tow.
Rather than sit indefinitely since aforementioned boss is still on vacation, I piled Ayanna back in the car and took her to work, where she tried to eat the felt pens until I got her some eggs from the company food mobile. She ate noisily. I didn’t get much work done, but I did manage to take her back to daycare in time to make my 10 a.m. meeting.
Frankly, oversleeping can happen to anyone and isn’t the normal state of being for this particular teacher. I guess I can take solace in the fact that my snowballs are still fairly contained, in that they affect me, my husband and my immediate co-workers and not a dozen families and their co-workers.
Thank God for small favors.
Photo: Associated Press
Permalink | Comments (0) | Post your comment Categories: Child care, Parenting, Work place
June 26, 2008
Savings tips for working moms
Everyone is talking about the price of food these days. Whether you eat out or in, the cost is going up and up. Just last night, one of my friends was lamenting that the family night out that used to cost $40 a few months ago now costs $50 — same restaurant, same food, same number of kids.
Last weekend my husband and I sat down and looked at our household budget. I was astounded to see how much our grocery bill had climbed in the past few months. So this week we pulled the grocery store flyers out of the American-Statesman to find out what is on sale before we make our grocery list. We eat a lot of fresh fruit, so this week we’re getting grapes and cantaloupe since that’s what is on sale at HEB. Our meat selection will probably be straight out of the flyers as well.
We’ve been contemplating a membership at Sam’s or Costco, but without a garage and limited kitchen space, storage is hard to come by at our house to make the most of bulk purchases.
I stumbled across this list of ways to save $100 a month on Yahoo’s Shine. Tips include cutting out juice boxes in kids lunches and drinking hot tea at work instead of coffee.
What would you add?
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June 24, 2008
Mornings: Trying to beat the clock
My 1-year-old loves to eat, just not first thing in the morning.
She’s just like me in that regard. I need about a 90 minute warm up before I want to think about eating breakfast. Unfortunately for her, with our morning schedule, she really needs to eat before we leave. So it’s a stand off.
This morning at 7:08 she was still in her high chair flinging Cheerios and jettisoning the apple bits off her tray. She was not fed, she was not dressed and in theory we’re supposed to be walking out the door by 7:15 a.m. Yesterday, I actually got it together and made toast and eggs with salsa (a favorite) and got food everywhere but in the kid.
On the weekends, breakfast is closer to 8 a.m. and she’s more than happy to drink her milk and eat all her breakfast and some of mine. But then of course I’m not under the time crunch to get to work, so she could take all morning to eat and I wouldn’t care.
On weekdays, cereal bars get dumped over the side. Fruit goes automatically in the hair. Oatmeal is acceptable, but labor intensive because she doesn’t exactly have spoon coordination yet.
How do you get out on time, and still get everyone dressed, cleaned and fed?
Permalink | Comments (3) | Post your comment Categories: Feeding, Work place
June 13, 2008
Ever-shrinking maternity/paternity leaves
According to this story in the Wall Street Journal companies are downsizing family-friendly benefits to cut costs.
One of the big-ticket items is fully paid maternity or child birth leaves. Here are the stats in the article:
Only 16% of employers offer full pay for childbirth leave, down from 27% in 1998, based on a nationally representative sample of 1,100 employers by the nonprofit Families and Work Institute. The average maximum length of job-guaranteed leaves for new mothers shrank too, to 15.2 weeks from 16.1 weeks a decade ago; leave for dads fell to 12.6 weeks from 13.1.
The change has to do with an overall recalculation in disability pay, which is how many companies fund maternity leaves. Instead of paying a full 100 percent, many are shifting to 80 percent or 70 percent as a way to encourage people to get back to work more quickly.
So, in short, many new moms are faced with the choice of coming back to work earlier or doing a lot more advance planning and saving to finance a maternity leave.
The obvious benefits of parental bonding aside, it might still be better financially to stay home those first few months (and there’s evidence that more time at home with baby helps lessen the effects of postpartum depression.) Unless you go the nanny route, most child-care providers will not take infants under 8 or 12 weeks old, and infant care is the most expensive variety of daycare around because of how labor-intensive it is.
In the end, my maternity leave was a combination of sick leave, vacation time and unpaid leave to get to 12 weeks. What’s the policy where you work? Has your company made changes to maternity and paternity leave policies?
Photo: Corbis
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June 12, 2008
The myth of 50-50 parenting
Today the New York Times has a lengthy piece on couples that strive for equal parenting — and the reasons why reality often falls short of the ideal.
Lisa Belkin talks to people who have color-coded charts to spell out duties and various opportunities to flex their schedules to break the traditional mold where mothers do the bulk of the child care and housework and fathers fill in around the edges. She makes the point that few of us can afford to work four-day weeks at reduced pay.
By and large, a true 50-50 split is unobtainable for most of us. Not for lack of trying.
My husband stayed home with my daughter in the mornings when she was born. His work assignment changed, as did his schedule. He’s still the one who washes sippy cups and highchair residue. I keep the family calendar, pay the bills and plan menus. He does the grocery shopping, and we both cook, depending on the day. Dave even had the pleasure of decorating Ayanna’s birthday cake last month (despite the original suggestion by my mom that I take that particular project).
Is it a true 50-50 split on a daily basis? Probably not. But then we were warned it wouldn’t be. At our premarital counseling, our deacon said flat out that the 50-50 split was a myth if you tried to tote it up. But over the course of a marriage, one partner at any given time may have to step up and do more.
Recognizing that has made it easier when he has had to work late three nights in a row. But it also makes it easier for him and me to recognizes periods where the balance is obviously off and has been for an extended period of time.
There’s no getting around that because of our work schedules, I have to do the day care pick up and drop off now. And during the work week, I’m often flying solo in the evenings. But I have the right to expect that the balance will shift again, and I share part of responsibility of finding ways to make that happen. The 50-50 split may be a myth, but that’s no excuse for not trying.
What would you say is the division of labor in your household? Are you achieving anything near a 50-50 split?
Photo by The New York Times
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May 8, 2008
Staring down the mommy guilt monster
It’s been a rough week in Casa Mama Drama.
Sick kid has made a recovery from her earlier ailment, but appears to be cutting more teeth. According to the posters at daycare I need to be on the alert for hand-foot-and-mouth disease AND strep. I have deadlines looming for one of the busiest times of the year, as does my husband. The cat has decided to turn the guest bath into her personal litter box, and some other cat (or other animal) has apparently died on our roof.
It’s weeks like this when you discover that “Mommy Guilt,” despite the cutesy name is really a many tentacled monster, which can come out of nowhere and suck you under if you aren’t paying close attention.
Yesterday, I was trying to get out of the office to do the daycare pick up after a parade of meetings. One thing after another kept popping up — little things that shouldn’t take long, but before I knew it I was 10 minutes late walking out the door and started doing the mental math on daycare late fees.
In mid conversation with my boss and my reporter, I stood up and announced that I had to leave NOW.
And then the wave of guilt hit.
I felt guilty about Ayanna being in daycare all day long. I felt guilty that I was rude. I felt guilty that I was leaving the office when there will still more to do. I even managed to feel guilty about being annoyed when I was a reporter years ago and my editor bailed on me because of kid issues.
And so I wallowed, for about 25 minutes, and then realized I was too busy to wallow any longer. The world hadn’t come to an end. In fact, when I arrived at day care, my daughter was busy refining the art of playing peek-a-boo at day care in a fit of giggles.
I will apologize to my boss and the reporter today. I will caffeinate myself properly and try to keep the crankiness bay.
Now, if anyone knows how to get a dead cat off a roof I’m open to suggestions, as well as anything you’ve got on how to deal with mommy guilt.
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April 18, 2008
Austin-based company offers HD conference solutions for work at home moms
Thursday KXAN had a feature on video conferencing for work at home moms.
Video conferencing has gone HD with the help of companies like Austin-based LifeSize. The KXAN spot featured Megan Lueders, director of worldwide channel marketing at LifeSize and mom to 14-month-old Jackson. She video conferences with London, Dubai and clients in other far reaches of the globe from her home in Lakeway.
The system is promoted as a way to cut costs in a global market place — and as a solution for working moms who want to keep clients, but can’t travel as much.
The KXAN spot shows Leuders, 32, getting business done with Jackson placidly sitting in his swing next the large HD screen. The concept is certainly better than the old-school scratchy phone teleconferencing system we use in my office, but what happens when Jackson pitches a fit? Is there a video mute button?
I called Leuders to find out. She says she tries to schedule conferences around Jackson’s sleep schedule. When that doesn’t work, she excuses herself and gets him, he either sits on her lap or in his swing, while mom finishes her meeting.
In fact, she says, his presence often speeds things up.
“If they hear the baby crying they try to wrap things up,” she said. She makes no secret that she’s a mom working from home. Even when Jackson is napping, clients can see him sleeping on the video monitor on her desk.
She uses the video conferencing for meetings with the Austin office as well, saving her a time-consuming commute.
Is this the wave of the future? Leuders thinks so.
“A lot of moms are very envious of what I have. They ask “what would it take?” and they hear that it is $5,000 and I’m running over Road Runner that they already have, mothers are more willing to propose this kind of solution to their boss. Employers are beginning to change, not just for moms, employee who are happy at home more dedicated at the office.”
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April 16, 2008
Austin seminar for women entrepreneurs
I think every working mom fantasizes about working for herself. I’ve been spending some time on WorkItMom.com and half of the member profiles include entrepreneurial dream jobs.
I must admit (carefully, since my bosses are reading this) I’ve toyed with the idea of going into business for myself. Doing what I don’t know. But it is fun to dream.
But for those interested in taking the idea from daydreams to a little bit closer to reality, Microsoft Office Live is bringing its entrepreneurial roadtrip for women, Vision to Venture, to Austin next week.
For $59, you can register to attend the daylong seminar April 24 at the Hyatt Regency, 208 Barton Springs Road. Topics include networking, writing a business plan and promoting your business online. Space is limited, but according to the Web site, an online version of the seminar will be available in May.
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April 3, 2008
Reality check
This morning two journalism students from the University of Texas came to our newsroom to interview us moms on how we balance career and children.
They asked all the right questions: How do you do it? What’s your maternity leave policy? Can you bring your kids to the newsroom? What’s your typical day like?
I told them how hard it is. I told them that even though there are few offices in the newsroom, its not unusual to see a small person here with their parents a couple of times a week. I’m terrified that my little crawler is going to get stepped on, but so far my co-workers don’t seem to mind.
I told them about how I have drop everything and race out at 5 p.m. to make the day care pick up. Although it makes my day feel hectic and rushed, they were in awe that my bosses let me do that.
They asked if they should wait to have kids early or late in their careers. I told them that there are drawbacks and benefits to both. So let their partners and their hopes be their guide, not the industry.
I told them about one of my professors 10 years ago, Mary Dedinsky who was the first female managing editor at the Chicago Sun Times. She told me that women of her generation made choices, so that my generation of women would have more choices.
The students said they were relieved to hear what I had to say and they were inspired. I was amazed because day to day my life feels far less than inspiring.
But then again, I think about the way I look at other moms making it in awe and amazement. Perhaps I’m not doing such a bad job after all.
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March 25, 2008
Cramming in face time at the office
Working at an office while parenting is one thing. Climbing that ladder while parenting is another.
This month one of the writers at Mommy Track’d, a blog for working mothers, makes an important point about face time at the office — or the lack thereof.
In order to make the schedule work, I too have had to cut out a lot of interoffice chit chat. It’s the sort of banter that earns you social capital with your colleagues. I’m gone to do the day care book before the last news meeting of the day, and I can’t tell you the last time I made it to a farewell gathering or happy hour.
Writer Susan Wenner Jackson says her boss pointed out that she might be shooting herself in the foot. I had been worried about how my supervisors might perceive my low profile, but I hadn’t given much thought to the other losses in social capital with my co-workers and the reporters I supervise.
How to you find the balance? Not just with your job description tasks, but the networking that is often required to make that next move up the ranks?
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January 29, 2008
Aggies are mama-friendly
Texas A&M loves moms, especially breast-feeding moms.
The university has earned the state’s designation as a “mother-friendly worksite,” a program sponsored through the Texas Department of State Health Services. The College Station campus has put together a list of all the family friendly restrooms as well as an inventory of what’s in them (diaper changer, extra seating for nursing or milk expression.
“Mothers who require a private space to express milk do not have to use these facilities; many will use the privacy of their offices or work stations. If they work in a location that is less than private, however, a family-friendly/unisex restroom can be used as an alternative,” said Karen Chavis, executive director for Administrative Services in a statement.
The university has 25 such facilities and is hoping to add eight more. The inventory is available to faculty, employees and students, and is part of the school’s larger work-life balance program, Equilibrium @ Texas A&M.
The state distinction is shared locally by a bevy of health facilities and many of Austin’s high-tech employers, including Freescale, AMD and Solectron.
The criteria: * have flexible work schedules to provide time for expression of milk; * provide an accessible location allowing privacy; * provide access to a nearby clean and safe water source and a sink for washing hands and rinsing out any breast-pump equipment; and * provide access to hygienic storage alternatives for the mother to store her breastmilk.
And no, the Longhorns aren’t on the list yet. However, they have adopted a few of A & M’s ideas, such as their quiet rooms, according to Julien Carter, associate vice president for human resources. All future UT buildings and major renovations will include “quiet rooms” as part of a new university police, he said.
“Working mothers can make requests of their supervisors and managers if they need that sort of accommodation. It up to each building,” he said “We wanted to make sure had all the other amenities (such as chairs, sinks for washing equipment, etc.) and geared and planned at the outset.”
Permalink | | Categories: Breast feeding, Work place
January 25, 2008
How to make a successful comeback
From maternity leave, that is.
One of the keys, according to an article in this week’s Forbes magazine is to have a good first week. A positive experience that first week can make or break a mom’s comeback in the workplace.
The article offers some tips on ways to increase your chances for a good week, including negotiating a staggered start and connecting with other working moms. Acknowledge that you will have mixed emotions and will likely feel some guilt, but then determine to let it go.
I will admit it, I was a wreck anticipating my return to my job. I was terrified that I wouldn’t be able to “do it all.” I actually wound up following some of Forbes’ advice. I met with my boss for coffee a few weeks before I was scheduled to come back to talk about some of the schedule challenges and assure them I was really coming back to work.
Luckily, I work for people who get it. My direct supervisor is the father of two small children. While I was on maternity leave, the managing editor called about a work project, but ended the conversation with the reassurance that if there was ever a question about what came first — work or family — the answer is family.
So, when I returned, I came in on a Thursday before I came back full time to read the thousands of e-mails that had stacked up in my absence, check in with my reporters and practice the family’s new routine. I left at 3 p.m. feeling pretty good, but grateful that I had a long weekend to recuperate.
My first Monday back was fantastic; it was the first time in months I felt like myself. Then I spent a half-hour at home bawling, because I felt guilty for even thinking that.
My bosses agreed to rearrange my work schedule. Before the baby it was not uncommon for me to leave the office at 8 p.m. Besides it being past her bedtime, I’m the afternoon pick-up person from day care, so I have to leave at 5. No one really wants a baby, even one as adorable as mine, in the office with a roomful of people on deadline. So she does come to the office sometimes, but 90 percent of the time I’m able to go home and keep her on a normal routine. As a trade-off, I come in to work earlier to help get the day started, which is fine — sleeping in isn’t an option for me anymore, anyway.
Do I still feel guilty some days? Yes. Does the arrangement need some tweaking? Probably. Is this blog essentially working-mom therapy for me? Absolutely. How would I describe being a full-time mom and full-time journalist? Insanity.
But I’m getting to do two things I love, so it’s worth it.
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September 27, 2007
Working Mothers' Top 100
The latest issue of Working Mother magazine has its annual list of the top 100 companies for working moms. The list with mini-profiles of each company are also online.
Notable Austin employers on the list include Pearson, Intel, IBM, KPMG, and Texas Instruments. The banking groups are also represented with Bank of America, Wachovia, Citi (with 13 weeks of paid maternity leave) and CapitalOne.
In addition to comparing maternity and paternity leaves, the rankings highlight flextime, eldercare and child-care solutions. At Pearson Inc. more than 90 percent of its employees used flextime in 2006. The company also supplies backup sick child care at a cost of $10 a day. The New Jersey-based company owns Pearson Educational Measurement, which has 400 employees in Austin and is responsible for managing the state’s standardized tests.
Even for moms not shopping for a new employer, it’s nice to see how your own company’s benefits stack up.
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September 14, 2007
Mama pack mule
I’ve always been an organized sort of person — I’ve got the day planner, a house calendar and computer alerts set. Franklin Covey, the masters of professional day planners, sent me their new catalog.
Inside there is a full-color picture of this smiling woman in business attire, with a baby on her hip and a stylish, compact tote bag. And that’s it. Where’s the diaper bag? Where’s the lunch box for the bottles? Where’s the car seat? Where’s the mother’s lunch?
On the mornings I do the drop off, I make no less than three trips to the car with various bags. There’s got to be an easier way, but I’m betting that Franklin Covey’s sleek mama bag isn’t the answer.
How do you do it?
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September 13, 2007
The reality of the Second Shift
When I was a college freshman “The Second Shift” by Arlie Russell Hochschild was required reading for my introductory sociology class. I has a faint notion that I wanted children one day, and Hochschild’s descriptions of how working mother put in the equivalent of another job after her salary-paying job was done were appalling. I knew with certainty that it would never happen to me.
That was more than a decade ago. Well, now I know that the “second shift” is the consequence of parenthood, regardless of gender. Who else is going to cook, wash the ever-growing piles of laundry, mop the floor, etc. My husband and I do well financially, however we don’t make enough for full-time maid and nanny service. So my evenings at home after work are much like Hochschild described. But then, the same goes for my husband’s time at home with the baby, which doesn’t often overlap with mine because of our split schedules.
Before I returned to work, I expressed angst over how all the household chores would get done. I didn’t want to be the one reminding him all the time what needed to be done. Nor did I want to leave “Honey Do” lists for him every morning.
Our solution: We made a list of all the chores that need to be done on a regular basis (mopping, dusting, toilet bowl cleaning, vacuuming, laundry, etc.). Some of the chores take 30 minutes, some take 5 minutes. We each attempt to tackle two chores a day, in addition to what we need to do daily (making bottles, lunches, cooking, trash) to keep the house running. And it’s flexible enough that if the baby has a bad evening, the world doesn’t come to an end if nothing else gets done that day.
So far we haven’t succumbed to chaos. We are both tired. But we are both sharing the load.
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