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Milestones
August 17, 2011
Back to school: The first drop off
Well, that’s done. And it went fine. In fact, it went better than fine.
First day of “big-girl” school and I didn’t even cry (OK. I misted slightly, but that does not count.)
For most of Central Texas this is about a week early for back to school. Most schools open their doors next week. But for you anxious first timers, I have this to share.
I have been a nervous ball of energy all week, worrying that I might forget something or that something will go wrong. I wish I could tell you it went off with out a hitch, but I would be lying.
For example, 10 minutes before we left this morning I discovered that the water bottle I planned to send leaks like a sieve. This is the bottle that Ayanna has been using for months at daycare, but it always comes home empty. This morning I filled it, closed it and left it sideways on my couch.
“Ayanna! Has this bottle always leaked?”
“Yes. It leaks every day,” she said nonchalantly, watching the Disney Channel. Fortunately, I found a substitute and a quickly wrote her name on it.
Then I shoved her new lunch box into the backpack (also a holdover from preschool), along with her new folder. I had tried each item independently and they fit no problem, but this was the first time I had pushed everything in packed with food, plus a teacher requested show-and-tell item. Technically, everything fit, but for a 4-year-old pre-kindergartner having to unpack everyday I belatedly realized that fit was way too snug. (I’ll be buying a new backpack on my lunch break today.)
Even so, we made it out the door on time. Everyone dressed and smiling.
On the ride to school we listened to the soundtrack to “Winnie-the-Pooh,” which we’ve been listening to nonstop for a month. Ayanna’s favorite song is one by the character Tigger, who has great plans to turn Eeyore into “Tigger 2,” including providing a brand new outfit and is giving the dubious donkey a grand pep talk. Ayanna sings the song at the top of her lungs, especially the chorus. She requested it three times during this morning’s drive.
I don’t know whether she internalized the rollicking song’s message, but I did. “Do it! Do it! Do it!
It’s gonna be great, it’s gonna be great, it’s gonna be….
Greaaaaaaat! ”
We shot a few pictures on the school lawn and then — the big moment. She put her belongings away in her cubby, hung up her backpack and walked away from me. She didn’t even turn to say goodbye. The one picture I have of her in the classroom, is her walking away from me. It was over before I realized it. I’d been warned about this phenomenon, but I didn’t expect it from my own kid. I had nothing left to do but leave. And I did.
Good-luck to the rest of you. And thanks, Tigger.
P.S. Some of you may be wondering, why on earth did this woman post a picture of shoes and a backpack, instead of the traditional back to school pic? Well, it’s part of a deal my husband and I made when I started writing for this blog. We won’t identify where the kids go to school or preschool. And since Ayanna’s school uses a uniform, I won’t be posting any of those. But trust me, she’s adorable.
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August 12, 2011
Back to school: Get the waterworks ready
For years I have sat on the sidelines, watching my friends and colleagues ship their kids off to kindergarten. The stories of tears and cry rooms were baffling.
I mean, it’s not like we’re sending them to boarding school. And, especially in the case of working parents, our kids have been in someone else’s care for years. What is the big deal?
I’m pretty sure that, once again, I will pay for my smugness. My daughter is starting pre-kindergarten this year at a school that runs through eighth grade. So for me this is the big start of school, and I’m starting to feel my internal water pressure rise.
The other day, I ran over to the uniform store to get Ayanna some matching hair ribbons to go with her uniform. She’s been pestering me about the ribbons for months and I had told her that if she left her hairbands in at daycare I would get her some special ribbons for “big kid school.”
Yes, it was a bribe. But it worked. The ribbons were the last thing on my back-to-school list and I plan to surprise her with the ribbons on her first day next week. But instead of smiling on my way back to the office, I started to inexplicably well up with tears. This does not bode well for the first day of school.
I know she’ll be fine, and as I’ve told many friends this summer, I’m honestly looking forward to this new stage in our lives. I loved school and it’s my dearest hope that she will, too. But I underestimated the power of milestone marking. Ayanna’s babyhood went pretty darn quick and I am startled to realize how quickly the time is passing. I don’t want her to be a baby again, but I’m not sure when the change happened.
I asked some moms for advice for handling the first day of school, and this is the sage advice I got from one mom Soraya Justice, whose oldest daughter is now in high school:
“Don’t even try to not cry. Even I teared up….and I am not one that gets upset at Rocky reaching such milestones.
It’s not just the moms…I saw lots of fathers get all emotional.
Then when she gets older…you can stand around on the first day with the other parents and watch the re-school and kindy-parents.
There are many types of crying….from wailers, to sobbers, the dashers (who make drop off very quick to run out to their cars before the lose it), the silent misery types, the ones that stand their stunned at their child blows them off and runs into the classroom without so much as a look back.”
So, now I aspire to be a dasher. I hate public displays of emotion. I can keep the water at bay until I get back to the car, right?
What kind of crier were you?
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June 6, 2011
Getting rid of the crib
There are no more babies at my house.
While we were on vacation in Virginia, both my daughters slept for the first time in an adult bed. We added a bed rail on one side so 21-month-old Elizabeth didn’t flop out. It was such a success that we decided to pull the trigger on a big girl bed at home and bought a full-size mattress on the way home from the airport.
Honestly, I’d been thinking about it for months, including buying new bedding and then hiding it in the closet. My husband and I wanted to keep them in the same room and two twin beds would have eaten up most of the space in their existing room. But I’d put it off, even though I’d noticed in March that Ayanna was almost the length of her crib mattress.
But still, I thought Elizabeth was too small. And I dreaded the thought of introducing chaos into our carefully crafted bedtime routine. My husband’s advice was to just do it, and the girls would adapt. But still I worried and procrastinated.
He, of course, was correct. Bedtime is suddenly much faster. There have been a few squabbles (including someone hitting someone else with a doll) and a lot of giggling. But overall the change has been incredibly easy.
And as an added bonus, it seems that the combined sleeping arrangement has been comforting enough to keep our 4-year-old Ayanna from creeping into our room at 2 a.m. to sleep on our floor. They also have more space to play with their toys during the day.
Their “new” bed is actually Elizabeth’s converted crib, and I sold the toddler bed over the weekend. We did get to use the two crib mattresses one last time for Ayanna’s birthday sleepover on Friday: her two playmates slept on them on the floor. I suspect there will be more sleepovers, so we’ve shoved the extra mattresses under the guest bed for now.
I’m excited for them. A new stage, a new milestone. But I was also a little melancholy as I loaded the toddler bed into the buyer’s Volvo station wagon. I had even considered storing the bed in our crawlspace for a few decades.
And then I remembered when my mom hauled out my old crib from the attic when I was a teenager. My disdainful response encouraged her to get rid of it, so she could use the storage space for something else.
It’s my memory. Not theirs. And I have plenty of pictures.
When did you switch to a big kid bed? How did you handle it?
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September 9, 2010
One year later: Elizabeth
Tomorrow is my second daughter’s first birthday. As I mention in my upcoming Raising Austin column on Saturday, this year has been both the longest and shortest of my life.
I am astounded at how quickly the time has passed. Elizabeth is walking (sort of), talking (2 words) and generally becoming more and more of a little person by the day. The kid has a smile that could light up three rooms and a temper with the fire of three suns.
I’m still getting to know Elizabeth. Unlike her super-laid back sister, Ayanna, she has opinions about how the world should work. The only thing she is scared of is being without me: Making her both a dare devil (trying to crawl headfirst off the couch, bed, table, etc.) and a clingy, momma’s girl (think wailing baby velcro) — an exhausting combination.
I have been blessed that she has no major medical issues, however her reflux and parade of minor illnesses (roseola, ear infections and random fevers) have done a whammy on our efforts to get her to sleep and on my work life.
My husband accuses me of being a little overprotective, worrying about every rash and cough. But it’s hard not to, she is still small at just 19 pounds, but I swear the kid is tough as nails.
Even in the lightweight category, if she wants to be in my lap she will fight her sister for prime position and win. Her favorite baby sign is “all done” which really means that her plate is empty and she wants more food, right this second. (And don’t try to sneak in mushy baby food, she’s gotten wise to that and wants the real deal. Any substandard fare will be dropped without ceremony off the edge of her high chair. And she must feed herself, no exceptions.)
A year later I am still breast feeding, which is nothing short of a minor miracle. Although I had originally planned to wean her after her birthday, given her size and trouble with dairy, we’ll keep going for a few more months at least.
The advice is true — it does get easier and nothing lasts forever, which while helpful during the hard times also makes a mother’s heart ache. Elizabeth is rapidly turning into a big girl, and that means needing and wanting me less. And that is as it should be, but a little sad, too.
So I plan to savor every snuggle, every sloppy baby kiss, every squeal. Because it’s also true, you can never get this time back.
Happy birthday, baby girl!
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June 10, 2008
Baby sign language
No matter how much I know intellectually that babies develop at their own pace, it is still hard sometimes not to compare our 1-year-old with other babies her age.
In Ayanna’s case, she was nearly a year old and still hadn’t started waving that cute baby “bye-bye” sign. It wasn’t for lack of trying. In fact, when she was 4 months old I bought the “Baby Signs” book in attempt to get on the inside track on communication. The authors and my friends who used the baby sign language techniques raved about how nice it was for their toddlers to be able to convey what they wanted. Even our day care uses the signs, so I was delighted at the possibilities.
Research suggests that baby signing not only cuts down on tantrums, but may accelerate language aquisition in general.
So for six months, my husband and I practiced the signs for “milk,” “all done,” “more” and the universal “bye-bye.”
And we got nothing. In fact, I’d begun to get concerned since the failure to produce gestures by 12 months is considered an early warning sign for language deficit.
Ayanna took it to the wire. While we were on vacation, she began applauding at the table if she wanted “more.” Not exactly textbook, but it is communication. And she started waving and tapping our legs if she wanted to be picked up.
Most of the moms I talked to say that despite the 100 or so possible signs. Most only use three, maybe four. The sign for “more” is a huge winner. As is tapping their sides to signal diapers need changing, and the “o” sign for the all-powerful Cheerio.
Did you use signs with your toddler? How many and which ones were most useful?
Nothing doing.
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February 15, 2008
What to do for Sweet Sixteen?
For girls, the road to adulthood is often paved with schoolyard crushes, a myriad of clothing and experiments with cosmetics, in addition to the age-old task of self-discovery.
Reaching the milestone of 16 is worth celebrating, beyond just the (hoped-for) acquisition of a driver’s license. In this week’s Raising Austin, my colleague Ricardo Gándara is pondering how to celebrate this momentous occasion with his soon-to-be 16-year-old daughter Alexandra.
He’s dry on ideas and feeling the pressure that comes with trying to find something memorable for a mysterious teenager.
So help the poor guy out. He’s got two younger daughters, so he’ll have to tackle this beast again in a few years.
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October 25, 2007
A use for that camera phone
I like technology, really, I do. Until today I’ve never really figured out what to do with my camera phone. I never need to take a picture that badly that I need a tiny, grainy, poorly lit photo.
Until today.
My husband keeps our daughter most mornings before she goes to day care. He’s in charge of breakfast and dressing her for school. Today I got an e-mail with the words “New Development.” and a photo. She’s holding her bottle by herself for the first time.
Working parents miss more than a few milestones. If I can’t be there in person, this was certainly the next best thing.
What’s the best kid moment you’ve captured on your camera phone?
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September 19, 2007
The little boy smile is gone
My son, Ben, is 6½. After months of wiggling at his bottom front teeth, it finally happened. First one tooth fell out in his sleep last Thursday. Then the other one fell out at lunch on Monday.
Now I look at him with that smile filled with little boy teeth and two oversized chompers and I think, “Wow, he’s a big kid.” He’s got big kid teeth and big kid smell and sometimes, big kid attitude, and it feels like it happened overnight.
The funny thing is how much this kid is into the tooth fairy. He and his little sister spent last Thursday theorizing about whether the tooth fairy is a girl or a boy, whether there’s only one tooth fairy or several, what the tooth fairy would bring and would the tooth fairy come in through the window or up the stairs?
Everyone was too excited to go to bed at a normal hour. Ava, who’s almost 4, was stalking the tooth fairy by trying to stay awake outside Ben’s door. She also had a plan to knock out her own teeth so the tooth fairy could visit her. Then, when the tooth fairy did come, I had a wide-awake little boy at 1 a.m.
Imagine repeating that scene again four nights later.
For the record, in our house, Ben’s tooth fairy is named Bella Dontis. His sister’s will probably be named Stella Dontis. They bring a $1 bill and leave a really nice note about brushing teeth to avoid the cavity bugs. And the kids have to leave a note for the tooth fairy along with the tooth. And knocking out your teeth disqualifies you from receiving tooth fairy money, Ava.
What does your family do?
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August 29, 2007
Missed the bus
A friend of mine passed along this story about the first day of school in McAllen.
Does your child ride the bus? Mine does. I see so many kids in the neighborhood whose parents won’t let them ride the bus. Maybe this is why. Or maybe they’re afraid of giving their child some independence.
Kindergarten was a big deal for my son last year. He had to learn how to negotiate a lot of things: how to get permission to go to the bathroom, how to get lunch in the cafeteria, how to listen in class and how to get on and off the bus. The bus was a big key toward his independence.
So on this third day of school, when my son was one of the few kids on the bus in a neighborhood full of kids, I had to wonder what was going on.
Are we too afraid of letting our children out of our sight? Are we holding them back? Or are we just too harried to get them to the bus stop at 6:46 a.m.?
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