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Happiness
November 24, 2009
What are ingredients to a happier holiday season?
Do you want to have a happier holiday season? Then don’t build your expectations too high, says the chairman of the counseling department at Wake Forest University in Winston Salem, N.C.
One reason people get depressed and frustrated at Thanksgiving and other holidays is expectations for happiness so often don’t match reality, says Samuel Gladding, who also is a licensed professional counselor.
Gladding (I swear that’s his name) is said to be on a mission to change “the traditional view of happy holidays by pointing out that the higher our expectations, the less likely we are to actually be happy,” according to a news release posted by the school on Newswise, a news service for journalists.
He offers five tips for people to have a more realistic holiday experience, and I think some of his suggestions can be helpful to people dealing with grief, loneliness and mild depression. Several focus outward, on others.
I’m going to list those in a minute, but because it’s Thanksgiving, there is some related research I came across this morning on gratitude you might find interesting.
Robert Emmons, a professor of psychology at University of California, Davis, and the author of Thanks: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier, says gratitude “takes us outside ourselves so that we can see how we are part of the larger, intricate network of sustaining relationships,” according to a news release from the University of Texas Health Science Center at Houston’s online wellness magazine, HealthLEADER.
Emmons randomly assigned participants to tasks in which some were encouraged to feel gratitude; others were assigned to feel negative and complaining; and the third group was told to be neutral.
The groups kept journals for 10 weeks, and the ‘grateful’ participants, which listed things they were grateful for, felt better about their lives, were happier and were more optimistic about the future than the other two groups. They also had fewer symptoms of illness and exercised more.
Other research cited in the HealthLEADER article said that expressions of gratitude toward a spouse, along with compliments and smiles, can produce happier marriages, while other studies said the more grateful people are, the less depressed they are, the healthier they are and the longer they live. Check it out and see what you think.
OK. So here are Gladding’s recommendations for a “more realistic” happy holiday season:
Don’t pressure yourself into making the perfect meal or finding the perfect gift (for Christmas or Hanukkah). The more you pressure yourself, the more frustrated and less likely you’ll be to enjoy the holidays.
Accept your loved ones for who they are, rather than expecting them to be someone they’re not.
Share memories and stories, even of loved ones no longer there. That can be inspiring and make you grateful for what you have.
Call a truce to family feuds and don’t react with anger even if provoked. Can’t we all get along for just a few hours?
If you’re home alone or your family is far away, volunteer at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter. Reaching out to others is one of life’s joys.
And as Emmons would say, don’t forget to be grateful.
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March 16, 2009
Are women happier than men?
We don’t really know if women are happier than men. But if new research on happiness is correct — there’s been a lot of interest in the topic lately, by the way — then women seem to have an edge in the pursuit thereof, according to several new studies by Todd Kashdan, an associate professor of psychology at George Mason University.
Kashdan did three studies in which he looked at gender difference in experiencing gratitude, which was defined as a sense of thankfulness and joy at receiving a gift. He considers gratitude crucial to experiencing happiness in one’s life — along with maintaining meaningful relationships and living in the present.
“The way that we get socialized as children affects what we do with our emotions as adults,” Kashdan says in a news release posted on the school’s Web site. “Because men are generally taught to control and conceal their softer emotions, this may be limiting their well-being.”
Older men in particular had a problem with gift-receiving thing, especially when the item came from another guy.
The study was published online last week in the Journal of Personality. The abstract concludes that “men were less likely to feel and express gratitude, made more critical evaluations of gratitude, and derived fewer benefits.”
So, guys, next time someone gives you something, just enjoy — and be thankful.
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