Austin360 blogs > Digital Savant > Archives > 2009 > February > 13 > Entry
Predictions for the new Microsoft-branded stores
Apple has shown how to sell consumer products in a stylish, inviting way at retail. Sony… not so much. (Don’t even get me started on Circuit City.)
Word is out that Microsoft is looking to expand on its recent touchy-feely ad campaign to reach out in a more significant way to customers; it will open Microsoft stores. No word yet on how many or where, but based on years of experience using Microsoft products, I have a few guesses of what the in-store experience might be like:
- Even at closing time, the Microsoft Store will sometimes refuse to shut down completely.
- Customers will be leery of shopping in the most recently added department of the store.
- Every time you touch something, a security guards asks you if you really want to be doing that.
- Display merchandise will be obscured by Aero-brand glass.
- You may not be able to see it by looking at the aisles, but dozens of unnecessary activities are happening just out of view, all the time.
- You will have the option of shopping at six different kinds of Microsoft Stores, from the Home store to the Ultimate Professional Store. They will all have different prices.
- You may need to buy all new clothes to shop at the Microsoft Store.
- Children can be dropped off and terrified at Clippy’s Playpen.
- Games for Windows department has map to GameStop’s Xbox 360 section.
- Music and movies you buy at Microsoft Store may stop working for you at home should the Microsoft Store go through a major renovation in the future.
- New clerks employed at Microsoft Store may seem more sluggish or lethargic than ones you’ve dealt with in the past, especially if you try to play a game with one of them.
- The Microsoft Store has much more merchandise in it than you will ever want or need.
- Free Zune with every purchase.
- Free Zune with every free Zune.
(With help from the ever-helpful Glark.)
Got more predictions? Post them in the comments.
Permalink | Comments (6) | Post your comment Categories: Applications, Computers, Shopping
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By Papa Bradstein
July 20, 2009 2:41 PM | Link to this
Also,just as Windows is a pretty face on the front of the DOS pig, all of the seemingly electronic devices in the store will be skins over their analog predecessors. The apparently electronic cash registers will be covers over analog, punch-the-key-and-the-number-pops-up-in-the-window registers. When one breaks down, you'll have to peel back the skin and unstick the keys of the analog register with a screwdriver and some WD-40.
By Elizabeth Burton
February 16, 2009 2:46 PM | Link to this
Following any purchase, Microsoft Store employees will have the option to show up at your house at any time to conduct an inspection to ensure you aren't using your purchase improperly. Should they determine this to be the case, your purchase will cease to operate immediately, and you will be required to buy it again.
By The Roger
February 13, 2009 1:19 PM | Link to this
Remeber--Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft product.
By Justin
February 13, 2009 11:30 AM | Link to this
Complimentary "Off" wipes to repel the swarms of mosquitoes.
By Julie Gomoll
February 13, 2009 11:25 AM | Link to this
* You'll need to see a doctor and get vaccinated before entering the store. And you might want to go back for a checkup after you leave.
* If you buy anything that requires electricity, you'll need to go to another store to buy a converter for your outlets.
* No matter what you buy, your shopping bag will automatically include a bunch of crap you don't need.
By LoneStarMac
February 13, 2009 11:23 AM | Link to this
Very funny...
Redmond always makes it so easy, they just don't get it...