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Fantastic Debates: Hilarious, absurd and just a little bit awkward
The South Austin Gym was packed Sunday night with fans spoiling for battles of wits and fists. They were not disappointed.
Hosting the Fantastic Debates was Austin author and funnyman Owen Egerton, who promised those in attendance that we were going to nail down the truth.
The night of debates began with filmmaking brothers Nathan and David Zellner, who approached the debate podiums with fanfare and costumes befitting regional wrestling stars. Nathan was dressed in shiny shorts with a zebra patterned shirt, while David wore a maroon unitard with the words “THUMP” written on the buttocks, undoubtedly an homage to former wrestling great Junkyard Dog.
David, wearing a David Lee Roth-esque wig, antagonized much of the crowd while arguing the position that video games were a massive waste of time; called gamers mouth-breathers; blamed 9-11 on Zaxxon; and provided as statistical fact that 54 percent of gamers have wasted half their lives playing “Half Life.” Nathan rebutted with the claims that gaming increased “finger nimbleness,” cultivated a global community via online play; and through a safe virtual environment prepared people for lives ups and down.
Although Nathan won the popular vote, it did seem close.
Following the duo’s ridiculous and hilarious histrionics, they took to the ring, where David bounced around spastically and attempted to box his brother’s ears. We’ll call the boxing match a draw, with the crowd coming out the winner in this fraternal battle. It would be great to see the Zellners craft a script out of their mock feuding.
Next up were Spanish directors Nacho Vigalondo and Eugenio Mira, who have entertained folks at this year’s fest with films and karaoke. Ostensibly, they were on stage to debate whether “Lost” was the most believable depiction of time travel and the greatest depiction of the human experience in the last 700 years, with Nacho arguing in the affirmative.
Aware that the audience was against his argument from the beginning, Vigalondo immediately began antagonizing them, telling them that as Americans they don’t respect their own treasures, hence the assassinations of JFK. He was committed from the start. Eugenio swatted away his good friend Nacho’s ramblings by saying, “This is gonna be easier than getting into Bill Pullman’s room.” Although they never fully engaged the true question of the debate, Mira’s main point of contention regarding “Lost” was that it kept building up and building up but never paid off. Following their riotous back-and-forth, the two men entered the ring, and, unable to strike one another, offered up a manic exhibition of simulated sex. As you may have heard, this fest is unlike any other.
On the heels of the hilarity provided by the Zellners and Nacho and Eugenio, things turned serious for the third debate. Twitch Film’s Todd Brown was arguing that a filmmaker must adhere to a code of conduct when promoting his movie online. On the other side of the debate, supposedly, was filmmaker Jonathan Ford, who co-directed Fantastic Fest feature “The Dead.” The debate sprung from some online activity at Brown’s site last month. TwitchFilm.net posted a trailer for “The Dead,” which led to a couple of disparaging comments, which led Jonathan Ford to go online and defend his film while attacking the original commenters.
Brown, somewhat sanctimoniously, said that filmmakers should realize not everyone is going to like their film and then keep their mouths shut when their work is criticized. He also claimed that everything on the Internet is written in pen and that it never, ever goes away. And, furthermore, a filmmaker should never, ever insult his core audience. Ever. But, should one chose to do so, he should do it under his real name. He made most of these indictments while reading the blog post in question directly from his phone.
To his credit, Ford apologized, admitted he was a bit drunk when he left the comments on the site that he had, up until the time of the post regarding “The Dead,” had never heard of. Ford did take exception with Brown’s role, however, saying that he hoped for a little more compassion from the journalist, considering he had tried for 23 years to get the film made and had risked his life and all of his finances to see his labor of love come to fruition. While some of Ford’s claims in his comment on Twitch Film seemed a bit over-the-top, by his own admission Sunday night, he did seem to get rather harsh treatment from Brown. Ford was bold enough to make the claim that without filmmakers, Brown would not have a Web site in the first place, which kind of seems neither here nor there. Kind of.
Of course, it is admirable to see Brown look to establish some decorum in the world of online commentary and shed light on those who would hide behind the perceived anonymity of comments sections, but I think trying to police the Internet in this case made him look a little overzealous. By the end of their arguments, it seemed as if the crowd had tired of hearing the pleas from both men and were simply looking for a real fight. Sadly for them, the fight was stopped halfway through, after it looked like Ford hurt his shoulder. The much larger Brown did land a few good blows, however, before it was all said and done.
Once the awkwardness subsided slightly, we were finally treated to the main event: Michelle Rodriguez vs. Tim League on whether “Avatar” should have won the Best Picture Oscar. As you would imagine, League was arguing against this idea, and was fully supported by the crowd in his opinion.
The toned Rodriguez, dressed all in black, took to the podium first. Then, League, outfitted in hot pink pants with a matching Mohawk, made his grand entrance. The debate was short, with Rodriguez simply saying the movie stood on its own merits and was a story that would endure and inspire sequels. A gobsmacked League told Rodriguez that, while he was a big fan of her work, he still believed “Avatar” was a (expletive deleted) sandwich featuring wooden acting.
Rodriguez seemed ready to rumble, so League skipped directly to his premise: Kids don’t play with “Avatar” action figures and kids don’t dress up as Na’vi for Halloween, so even kids know “Avatar” sucks. Them’s fightin’ words.
The two entered the ring, and danced around a bit before exchanging blows. Both fighters landed a few good shots in their two rounds, with neither landing a knock-out blow. I was told League had taken a few lessons leading up to the big event, and it showed in his ability to defend himself from the star of “Girlfight.” After the final bell, Rodriguez playfully tackled League and pinned him to the mat, thus bringing to conclusion the annual event that was equal parts hilarious and absurd, with a strong dose of awkward.
Warning: The video below features some Not-Safe-For-Work language.
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