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Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Another one bites the dust
Wow, we didn’t see that coming. Not yet, at least.
Chris started the season strong. In fact, at one point, it looked like he was the guy to beat. But where the other finalists — well, most of them — got better with each passing week, Chris seemed to stagnate.
Was he really the worst of the final 10? No way. Several others come to mind. Sanjaya Malakar, of course, tops the list.
The other Chris, Chris Richardson, must be breathing a huge sigh of relief. He was in the bottom two last week and turned in a stinker of a performance Tuesday night. Voters, however, apparently liked what they saw — and heard.
Shudder.
Anyway, the other cellar-dwellers were Phil Stacey and San Antonio’s own Haley Scarnato, in case you’re wondering. And we know you were.
Sanjaya’s safe for another week, courtesy of Howard Stern and VoteForTheWorst.com. No real shock there.
Now excuse us while we curl up into a ball and sob softly in a corner …
Sanjaya steals the show
As you’d expect, Sanjaya Malakar’s fauxhawk has the Web all abuzz today.
Here’s a quick look at what people are saying:
USA Today: “Let’s get it out of the way up front: the much-vilified Sanjaya Malakar stole the show on ‘American Idol’ Tuesday. Not by superior singing (he was better than usual but hopelessly outclassed by his rivals), but by setting new standards for hair-raising adventure by sporting an astonishing fauxhawk. Perhaps he was auditioning for a modernized Disney Channel revival of Davy Crockett in which the title character doesn’t bother with a cap, instead affixing the raccoon tail directly to his natural hair.”
Chicago Tribune: “Where’s the ‘American Idol’ crying girl when you need her? When trying to take in Sanjaya Malakar’s Tuesday hairdo on ‘American Idol,’ let’s be real. The only option was to cry. Until you threw up. Every week, the only real reason to watch Sanjaya’s performance is to see what he did with that shaggy mane of his. And that bizarre fauxhawk/ponytail combo he wore on Tuesday — well, as often happens with Sanjaya’s performances — words fail. Did he actually sing? I was so stunned by the outrageously bad hair that I could hardly take in anything auditory.”
MSNBC: “Whether you like or dislike the style, one thing’s for sure: that hair is as big as his courage!”
Houston Chronicle: “Why, Sanjaya, why? So much criticism, so much controversy — and you show up with a feather duster on your head.”
St. Paul Pioneer Press: “My favorite Idol may have muffed a few of the lyrics, but that hair — seven individual ponytails that formed a faux mohawk — was utterly magnificent.”
Racine, Wis., Journal Times: “It’s Week 6 of Sanjayagate on ‘American Idol,’ and, well, let’s just say Sanjaya Malakar certainly didn’t disappoint with Tuesday’s, um, performance. After I composed myself from nearly uncontrollable fits of giggling at his Marvin the Martian hairstyle and generally uninspired, hilariously weak performance of ‘Bathwater,’ I realized he’s just mocking us now. Seriously. He knows he’s become a national joke and he’s throwing it back in our faces.”
The Buffalo News: “Wow, Sanjaya’s hair! It’s up in a tall faux-hawk, with the long part pulled up into seven pretty, poufy ponytails. Apparently he also sings, or something, but it’s forgettable.”
Fort Worth Star-Telegram: “What. Is. He. Thinking. The hair, the song choice. I don’t know where to start. Would that be a fauxnytail-hawk?”
Atlanta Journal-Constitution: That mohawk (or pony-hawk, as Ryan later calls it) is far more absurd than the one Nadia did a couple years ago. He sure likes to mess around with his hair, eh? It’s distracting but I still managed to catch him missing a word in the second verse.”
We could go on … and on … and on. But you get the gist. Sanjaya is a threat to civilization as we know it, and he must be stopped. Do your part today and cast a vote for one of the other finalists. In fact, cast several votes. We won’t tell.
Photo courtesy of The Associated Press
