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‘Making the Band 4’: Closer to bloodshed all the time

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By | Monday, July 9, 2007, 11:18 PM

Let’s recap briefly. In Episode 1, thousands of boy band wannabes auditioned around the country for MTB4. Diddy’s “dream team” of talent scouts picked the top 100, who were brought to New York for an audition, which whittled the group down to 20. These finalists moved into the plush MTB crib in Episode 2. After the requisite squabbles and preliminary training, the boys were split into quartets. In Episode 3, our crooners were sent on a strange 18-hour sing-athon through the streets of New York and then performed at B.B. King’s. After the performance, four were cut, including Houstonite Anzeo. In the trailer for this week’s episode, we were informed that the MTB4 house was about to get crowded, because the dream team was recruiting a new group of crooners to square off against the remaining 16.

We get no lead-in from Puffy this time. Instead, a brief recap reminds us of rotund Michael’s love of buttery grilled cheese and the fact that Chris can’t sing. There’s also a quick sequence from last week’s B.B. King’s showcase.

Back in the house, Deangelo laments the Episode 3 cuts of Tyrice and Anzeo while Willie and Dre discuss the struggle to keep their voices together. Michael Bivens shows up to congratulate to the survivors. He singles out Chris, who gets props for actually singing on key, filling me with fear that we might be stuck with his frequent shriekiness for a minute longer. All of our crooners are warned that the four empty beds in the house won’t stay empty for long.

Finally, we get a little face time (complete with ample sunglass adjustment) from Diddy, who tells us he’s never satisfied. He’s sending the dream team out to find more talent to fill the empty beds. First, they head to Memphis, where there’s much off-key warbling and substantially more mockery than we got from the first round of auditions. Nonetheless, a few strong singers represent. Next, it’s on to Norfolk, Va., and then Birmingham, Ala., where Laurie Ann sweetly innuendos, “We don’t have a lot of beds in New York, so you need to lay it out.” Apart from an unfortunately misplaced banjo toter, these Southern cats appear to be killing some of the kids in the house.

The judges seem to agree. “There’s four beds to fill. If they’re good enough, who knows, they might take over the whole house,” Diddy foreshadows.

Meanwhile, our familiar dudes are stepping up their game, rehearsing in their groups. Julius articulates the well-calculated conflict, with seething hostility toward the new cats. “You ain’t gonna get no respect. You ain’t gonna get no trust.”

The new group is flown to New York, and in a condensed version of the Episode 2 love fest, Ankh Ra breaks them down and teaches them how to sing with emotion. Back at the house, a boot camp sequence illustrates the amped-up determination from the old boys. Even portly Michael is hitting the treadmill hard at this point. Speaking of determination, Diddy seems absolutely determined to get a little bloodshed out of this before it’s over.

After the new guys have their first round with Diddy, it definitely seems like the second group is a little stronger. Which makes sense in a way; they are all Southern boys. (Yes, I’m biased.) Diddy seems to agree. He claims he was going to let only four of the new singers in the house, but after hearing the new group perform, he declares, “Men have a lot of testosterone. Let’s have a war.”

Yep. He’s going for the bloodshed.

Back at the house, it’s 11:47 a.m., and here comes another surprise visit from Diddy, this time bringing 11 new guys in tow. Most of our original crooners are peacefully enjoying a late-morning snooze. Diddy is disgusted. The new cats seem ready to take over.

Michael Bivins rallies our crooners and sends them downstairs, where old and new line up on opposite sides of the floor.

“There’s always somebody in life trying to take your spot,” Puffy warns our familiar group. “These are the guys who are trying to take your spot. Every man for himself.”

It’s a battle now, and Diddy wants to see some action. Brian A., our boy from Houston, rises to the challenge, stepping to the center. A love song standoff makes much less sense than a rap battle, but still, Michael from Norfolk comes at Brian hard. Brian strikes back at him fiercely with the MTB4 theme song, “The End of the Road.” When he hits the first chorus, all of the original crooners join in, backing him in glorious harmony. This seems to please Diddy. “That’s the home team,” he tells the new crew.

All of the crooners are then brought into the auditorium for a one-on-one sing-off. In the first two rounds, the old guys are shut down fast. Our boy Brian A. fares a little better, but deep, gritty Curtis from the new team is tough competition. In a twist, Big Mike is the lone crooner who’s given a sexy lady to serenade. He reckons this is to test his sex-symbol chops. In less than a minute, he has the girl swooning. Chris, on the other hand, stumbles through a cringe-worthy rendition of “Let It Burn.” Perhaps he won’t be around so long after all.

Finally, it’s judgment time. Diddy says the decision is based both on the day’s performance and on whether he can see you being the group

It ends up a 14-6 split, with off-key Chris and Dre from the old team getting cut. Dre breaks down at the end. He cries; he shouts; he pleads in a futile appeal to Michael Bivins. Finally, defeated, he convinces his homies to join him in one final ~~contrived~~ touching round of “The End of the Road.”

Next week on MTB4. Will there finally be bloodshed? Will someone cry? Will there be endless renditions of “The End of the Road”? Check back; your girl will be watching.