ARTS

John Waters' holiday spirit

Cult filmmaker will perform his one-man monologue, heavy on the holidays, at Austin's Paramount Theatre

By Joe Gross
AMERICAN-STATESMAN STAFF
Thursday, December 10, 2009

John Waters likes to keep busy.

The man with the iconic, pencil-thin mustache is, of course, best known as a filmmaker, the junk-culture visionary behind such legendary midnight movie trash-treasures as 'Pink Flamingos' and 'Desperate Living.' 'Hairspray' is the one everyone knows — his sweet, breakthrough ode to early 1960s Baltimore was remade as a Broadway musical in 2002, then filmed as one in 2007.

It's been five years since his last picture ('A Dirty Shame'), but the guy barely sits still. He's written books (the newest, 'Role Models,' is due in 2010), assembled collections of his photographs, made fine art, staged and performed a one-man autobiographical show ('This Filthy World'), appeared on DVD commentaries and hosted the Court TV series ''Til Death Do Us Part.'

And oh, yeah, written (and rewritten) and performed a touring Christmas show on and off for the past 10 years, which he performs Saturday night at the Paramount Theatre.

'I'm always happy at Christmas – I used to think Santa was my guardian angel,' Waters says from his Baltimore office. (He also owns homes in New York, San Francisco and Provincetown, Mass.) 'I like Christmas. I don't even say that with irony. I get along with my family, I have a big Christmas party. At the same time, I understand why many people are miserable. It is a lot of pressure.'

Waters' fondness for the season first came to the attention of many in his essay 'Why I Love Christmas,' which appears in his anthology 'Crackpot: The Obsessions of John Waters' and has been reprinted all over the place on the Internet. It's a cornucopia of instructions and theories, Waters' own version of Lessons and Carols. To wit:

'Naturally, Christmas cards are your first duty and you must send one (with a personal, handwritten message) to every single person you ever met, no matter how briefly. If this common courtesy is not reciprocated, never speak to the person again. Keep computerized records of violators and hold the grudge forever; don't even attend their funeral.'

Hard-core fans can expect plenty of new material at his Austin show: 'I constantly change it,' Waters says. 'It covers everything — my childhood, what I want, what you should want, how to be happy even if you're neurotic at Christmas.'

There are also more esoteric topics: 'Is Christmas erotic? Can you be sexually attracted to Santa? Can you have sex in a chimney?' he asks. (Note: Waters does not actually know anyone who has done this.)

The trick is that Christmas is an immortal series of symbols and rituals that are ripe for the riffing. 'There's this tradition that can be embraced, mocked, perverted or satirized,' he says. 'I don't have a Christmas tree but I decorate my electric chair.'

Waters also is responsible for 'A John Waters Christmas' (Watertower, 2004), the best collection of Christmas music assembled this decade, from Tiny Tim's assault on 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer' to Little Cindy's vaguely terrifying 'Happy Birthday Jesus' to the excellent doo-wop number 'Christmas Time Is Coming (A Street Carol)' by Stormy Weather. And you have not, repeat, have not learned the true meaning of Christmas until you have experienced Akim and the Teddy Vann Production Company's 'Santa Claus is a Black Man,' which of course he is. (What, you have proof to the contrary? No, you do not.)

The punch line with Waters — as has been well documented — is that beneath the trash-god lurks a very nice guy and a seemingly tireless worker with Clintonian charisma.

Of course, it's a lousy time to be an independent filmmaker, and Waters still has to raise money to make his movies — 'I would like a budget for Christmas,' he says with a laugh. Waters' current project is 'Fruitcake,' a children's movie, of all things, a 'terribly wonderful Christmas adventure' that he's been trying to make for years.

But it seems like his true mission is to make the world a little bit safer for freaks everywhere.

'I believe that every hand you shake is that of someone who will buy whatever you do forever,' Waters says. 'Touring is campaigning. Even Elton John said as soon as you stop going on the road, it's over.

'I can work anywhere, like a hairdresser or a thief.'

jgross@statesman.com; 912-5926

John Waters

John Waters performs his one-man show at 8 p.m. Saturday at the Paramount Theatre, 713 Congress Ave. $41.40 to $56.50. austintheatre.org; 866-977-6849.